Six Bullets
by SheikVanillaNinja
Summary: Yaoi. Sometimes it takes a tragedy for another to realize one's significance. It's not until Izaya suffers a horrible accident that Shizuo begins to comprehend how dependent he is on the flea. But the more one understands, the less the other does. Lemons.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh... well, Mr. Orihara...? It seems you, uh, have a visitor..."

The nurse murmured from the doorway, dipping her head.

The respirator the ravenette was hooked up to heaved, the heart monitor ticked, but the patient did not respond.

She bit her bottom lip.

"Ahn... You can just head inside, I guess... His condition isn't all too hot, I'm afraid... he's had a real rough night..."

"Oh, okay. Thank you, miss."

"Yeah, just let me know when you're heading out, alright?"

"M'kay. Will do."

The nurse smiled briefly before walking back down the hallway, heels clicking on the tile.

The tall figure slipped quietly into the room and took a chair next to the patient's bed.

"Hey, flea."

After a few moments the bed-ridden slowly turned his head to the sound of the voice, staring out the corner of widened crimson eyes.

"Sh... Shizu-chan." No more than a whisper.

The blonde nodded, keeping eye contact with the information broker.

"So karma finally caught up to you... Sure came back to bite you in the ass, now didn't it, Izaya...?" He sneered. The ravenette swallowed rather harshly, wrinkling and twitching his nose because of the discomfort brought about by the nasal oxygen tube he'd been administered.

"Shizu-chan... W-Why... Why are you here...?" Izaya inquired, his voice weak and fragile.

"How many times were you shot, again?"

Izaya sucked in his bottom lip, looking away from the other and turning his (still wide-eyed) gaze hesitantly to the covers of his hospital bed, softly pulling at the fabric.

"... S-... Six times..."

Shizuo cocked an eyebrow.

"Six times? Wow... Pity it didn't kill you."

It was a truly awful thing for him to say, but underneath the venom of his words was a faint emotion that the ravenette could not quite identify.

"...Yeah. A real pity." Izaya retorted, not a single air of his usual sarcasm in his voice at all. Shizuo hesitated, a bit taken aback by that fact, and he stopped to rethink what he had planned to say next.

The information broker seemed distant, wounded and feeble; a side of him that the blonde former bartender had never come into contact with before.

It frightened him. He was wandering into unknown territories now; and seeing the ravenette at what very well might have been his rock bottom was bringing out an emotion inside that he had kept buried too-deeply within himself for years.

Izaya let his eyes fall closed for a long time, lashes fluttering slightly. The space between, vacant of voices, only intensified the ticks, beeps and heaves emitting from the various machines of the hospital room.

He let out a soft sigh, opening his eyes again and returning their gaze to the figure seated in the chair.

His glassy crimson eyes served as windows to all of the internal turmoil bottled up within himself; and looking into them only stained the blonde's heart with the same feelings.

"Shizuo... you know, you are the only person who even bothered to come and visit me, in all the time I've been locked up in this damn hospital..." The ravenette swallowed again, looking down to the bed sheets and his bandaged hands.

" And Shizuo, even if you only came to belittle and laugh at me, I... I'm still grateful to have your company..."

The power and intensity, the true meaning behind his words crashed down upon the blonde like an icy tidal wave that left every part of his being absolutely shaking. "Ah, Izaya-!" Shizuo blurted, but the expression on the information broker's face made the words catch in his throat. He hesitated, almost paralyzed.

"What, what about y-your friends, though?"

Izaya let out a harsh laugh in a tone that was insidiously cruel to himself.

"Izaya Orihara does not have 'friends', Shizu-chan."

The figure in the chair was completely dumbstruck.

"But, ah, your family?"

"Who, Mairu and Kururi? Pssh...! My sisters have told me straight to my face that they'd push me in front of a bus without a second thought if they were ever given the chance." He paused briefly, gathering his breath. "They hate me just as much as you do, Shizuo."

Chewing his lip vigorously, the blonde turned his gaze to his shoes.

"Well, who can blame 'em... I mean, you've pulled a lotta bullshit over the years, flea..." He murmured quietly.

Izaya smirked.

"Yeah, and the only reason I did those things was because I was all alone, and really, that was the only way I could get human interaction; the only way I could ever get the attention from other people that I truely needed..."

"Izaya...-"

"Shizu-chan, have you ever heard the phrase 'negative attention is better than no attention at all'?"

The ravenette closed his eyes and paused again.

"Shizuo, when those gang members shot me... I deserved it. I was an damn awful person and I received judgment."

Shizuo's mocha eyes widened behind his sunglasses.

"Why are you talking like that, you sound like you're d-"

"Shizu-chan, when I was shot, one of the bullets became lodged in the stem of my brain."

"W-What are you saying?"

The ravenette smirked again.

"I suffered through a brain aneurysm last night. I was lucky to survive. I'm life support right now, and I just finished signing all of the paperwork and getting my affairs in order, regarding my money and such..."

"N-No, Izaya-!"

"Shizu-chan, I've asked them to pull my plug tonight." Silence plagued the room like an incurable sickness.

The blonde just sat there, stunned, mocha eyes wavering, head shaking in disbelief. Izaya smiled sadly, shrugging as if to say there was just nothing else that he could do.

"N-No... You, you can't..." Shizuo stammered, his voice unstable, cracking.

"Why, it appears the poor protozoan has developed feelings for me...!" Izaya cooed, a brief glimpse at some of his old humor long forgotten.

Shizuo squeezed his eyes shut.

"Izaya, you, you can't die...! I haven't, ah, I haven't k-killed you yet! It's not fair...! No one's supposed to kill you but me...!"

The information broker chucked lightly.

"Still on that, are you...? Well, if you really want to, if it's that important to you, I suppose you could do it right now..." He laughed a bit louder, while Shizuo's face only grew more and more horrified.

"It's not like I'm going anywhere, anyway... Hell, it will take some of this goddamn waiting away..." Izaya's tone suddenly grew vacant and small, and he stared up at the ceiling.

"Shizuo, every second is going by so slowly... It's enough to make a man insane... I still have four hours left until the doctor comes in and my existence ceases completely..." But after he said this, he swallowed and forced a smile.

"I always figured I would die at your hands anyway, Shizu-chan... Go ahead and do it. I'm ready."

He spoke softly, looking over at the blonde former bartender with an expression somewhere between bittersweet sadness and relief.

Shizuo stared back for a long moment, then got up from the chair and made his way over to the edge of the hospital bed.

"I... I wanted this so badly. for almost ten years now, I wanted to be the one to feel your slimy body grow cold... And now..." The blonde's voice was low and hesitant, unsure of the situation at hand.

"Shizu-chan... please hurry... I want it to happen fast so I won't have to bear it for long..." Shizuo swallowed, before taking his hands away from the bedside railing and carefully wrapping them around the ravenette's throat.

Izaya's breath hitched, but he craned his neck gently upwards to give the blonde's hands better access. In response, Shizuo's fingers tightened slightly.

"...Sh- Shizu-chan... I'm so scared..." He breathed, his voice gasping although the bartender had not yet squeezed tightly enough to cut off his supply of air.

"It will be over quickly, I swear..." The other reassured. The ravenette tilted his head back and managed a soft cry, pinching his crimson eyes shut as the beginning of a cascade of tears streamed down his pale cheeks.

"I'm so scared, I don't want to die...! I want existence...!"

The blonde hesitated for a moment.

"Well, maybe... maybe there is an afterlife or somethin' waiting for you... maybe you'll become an angel..."

The words were meant to comfort, but instead they only gave rise to more tears.

"I don't believe in angels, Shizu-ch-chan! There isn't any such thing as an afterlife...! If there's no such thing as heaven or hell, then what is there...? Shizuo..." He whispered, his tone verging on desperation.

"Then... Then there is nothing."

The ravenette smiled painfully through his tears.

"No, Shizuo... Even 'nothingness' implies that I will exist to witness that nothingness... There won't be any time or space... When I die, I will cease to exist altogether, forever. Once I take my last breath, Izaya Orihara will cease to be completely..."

Shizuo grit his teeth and squeezed his hands around the information broker's neck. Izaya cried out, but found himself unable to make a sound. The blonde's sunglasses served as a shield hiding mocha eyes brimming with tears. The ravenette lurched forward, open-mouthed, gasping for the air that he was unable to obtain. His hands contorted and twisted, clawing desperately at the much stronger ones locked around his throat. But Shizuo still did not let go, crying out and shaking the patient by his neck, grip bruising and stronger than a vice.

"I don't want to do this, this isn't what I wanted for you, I'm only doing this because you asked me too...!"

Gurgling, straining himself and doing what ever he could to preserve his life, Izaya's eyes grew dilated and unfocused, his face turning colors; pink, red, purple, blue...

Before the color faded from his skin altogether... pale.

The heart monitor in the room let out a continuous, ear-splitting shriek.

Shizuo let the ravenette fall back to the bed.

Izaya did not stir.

His crimson eyes staring into that nothingness...

"Ugh, goddammit, flea...! L-Look what you m-made me do...! N-No, ah, fuck! Fuck! FUCK! This wasn't supposed to happen!"

He shouted, picking the still frame of the other up by his shoulders and attempting to shake him awake.

The lifeless, distant gaze in those crimson eyes...

"God dammit! Izaya! W-Wake up! PLEASE...!"

Now the blonde was begging, breaking down because he was unable to fix what he had done.

Like so many times before.

"G-Get the fuck up! Smirk and laugh and say this was all a big joke! Mock me and call me some complicated insult that you know I won't understand! P-Please! Just please, just WAKE UP!"

All of his heart was poured out into those words, he gave all he had, but just like all of the times before...

Nothing.

Desperate, he pulled the oxygen tube from the information broker's nose. Pumping his chest was not an option considered. Shizuo was too afraid of rupturing a lung, of crushing his ribcage,

with those hands of his...

He plugged the ravenette's nose with one hand and propped his head up with the other; pressing his mouth to Izaya's and trying his absolute hardest to force air into his lungs again.

He'd been the one to steal away his breath and now he was trying with all he had to give it yet...

It was all to no avail.

It truly was too late.

Destroyed, the blonde slumped down and buried his head into the information broker's chest.

He'd done it.

He'd actually, actually done it.

Stomped out the flea. Snuffed the life out of Izaya Orihara, a menace to society for more than twenty years. A man who'd taken enjoyment out of ruining his life on top of so many others.

After all this time, he'd finally done it.

...No.

No, what he'd done... What he'd done was kill someone in absolute cold blood. He'd strangled the life out of someone defenseless; a bed-ridden hospital patient who'd been unable to fight back.

He'd murdered a man who only sought from others their affection. Someone who had just never learned quite how to ask for that.

And he had deemed that to be a crime only punishable by death.

No...

The blood on his hands had not spilled from the Izaya Orihara he hated.

It belonged...

It belonged to someone who, all this time, had been just like him.

The scream of the heart monitor hitched, and so did the pace of his frantic heartbeat. He dare not move, only lay there. Frozen.

Eyes wide.

Relief washed over his being as his ears were filled with the sounds of coughing.

"Ahah, ugh... Sh-Shizu-chan...?"

The blonde sat up slowly, turning to face the patient lying in the bed.

The ravenette information broker smiled weakly, eyes barely open to crimson slits.

"It's... Just so ironic, isn't it..."

Shizuo blinked, his heart racing.

"W-What's ironic? Oh, we should probably put the oxygen thingy back in yer nose..."

"No, it's... it's fine. It's ironic that after all the years you've spent tryin' to kill me, someone else does me in first... That when you finally get the chance to take my life, all you want to do is bring me back..."

Shizuo bit his bottom lip.

"Well, it's not like that, I just can't do it if you can't fight back, it's not right, it's unfair, if, if you were up on your feet, then-"

Izaya coughed a few times, and the blonde trailed off.

"And it sure is ironic that... that I have to die in order to get you to k-kiss me... Shizu-chan..."

The former bartender's eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"Wha-... What are you talking about?"

Izaya's smile spread a little more.

"Silly Shizu-chan... you kissed me... Don't you remember...?" His voice was paper-thin, wispy and wounded, but defined with an air of both desperation and enchantment.

Shizuo paused for a moment.

"I, ah, I didn't- I was only trying to bring you back... CPR..."

Izaya closed his eyes and shook his head from side to side, the smile never fading.

"Only four hours left until you're rid of me for good, can't you put up with my 'bullshit' for just a bit longer...? Shizu-chan, let this poor, dying man believe what he wants to... Please don't ruin this for me, I don't have much time left."

"Ah, Izaya, don't talk like that-"

"Shizu-chan, I'm going to die."

"But Izaya-!"

The ravenette lifted a shaky hand and let it fall onto the other's shoulder, smiling sadly.

"There isn't any getting around it, Shizu-chan. Even if I chose not to have them take me off these machines... I would never fully heal. I would never be able to leave this hospital, much less this bed..." He hesitated, choking up slightly in his emotion, the words catching in his throat, tears threatening to overflow from his eyes.

"I took a bullet to my lower spine, and... and it's cut off some of the other nerves... Shizu-chan... I can't... I can't feel my legs... I could never walk again... Even if, I'd be stuck in this damn hospital in a wheelchair. I can't... Izaya Orihara can't do that... I can't live crippled, Sh-Shizuo... I've fashioned myself too many enemies, I'd rather put myself down then live the rest of my life in fear as half of the man I could be."

The blonde stood up, hands clutching at the bedside railing and gaze trailing down to the tiled floor.

Trying to comprehend what all of this implied.

Izaya placed a bandaged hand over one of the former bartender's, pausing for a moment to gather the words he needed to say.

"Shizuo... Don't you see what this means for you...? You'll be free of me... You can move on from all of this and get on with your life. You can get married and live peacefully, start a family and watch your kids grow up... Without having to deal with me and my bullshit anymore... So why is it you aren't happy I'll be gone...?"

Shizuo looked up and met Izaya's gaze emptily.

"Because I'm human."

The ravenette chuckled to himself and let his eyes fall closed.

"That means nothing."

Shizuo jumped forward and took hold of his shoulder.

"It means everything, Izaya. Someone once offered to kill you for me, someone who was fully capable of it. I told them not to, not because I didn't think you deserve it, and not because I wanted to do it myself, but because I didn't think any person truly had the right to commit such violence against another. No one has the right to decide who lives or dies. I wanted you to die in a way that punished you for all the awful things you did, but in a way that didn't stain a singe person's hands with your blood."

A Cheshire smile spread itself across Izaya's face."Alas...! The protozoan is a prophet in disguise, it seems."

Shizuo shook his head.

"No... I'm just not heartless, is all." He held his breath for a moment. "Izaya... You say you only have four hours left, right? ...Let me, ah, let me take you around the city one more time."

The ravenette pulled in his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Shizu-chan... after all I've done to you... You would go out of your way to do that for me?"

The blonde former bartender nodded.

"None of that crap matters to me right now. What's four hours to me...? I doubt I'm just gonna drop dead anytime soon... Four hours means next to nothing to me, whereas to you, Izaya... It means absolutely-"

"Everything." The information broker finished for him, letting his crimson eyes fall closed, bowing his head.

"Call the nurse in here, Shizu-chan...

I would like to see my corrupt city one last time."

[[That's it for the first chapter~! I'll get to the second one, now. XD Thank you so much for reading, it really matters to me. As this is my first story on her, reviews are not only greatly appreciated, but they also help improve my writing and shape future chapters. Let me know I'm off to a good start, if you liked it, 'cuz I'm such a newbie on here! XD Again, thank you for reading~!]]


	2. Chapter 2

"Here we are. Stop Number One. Raira Academy South Building. Just like you asked."  
"Take me onto the campus, Shizu-chan. In the shade under those bleachers, by the backstop."  
Izaya stated softly, lifting an arm from the rest of his wheelchair and pointing.  
Shizuo smirked before complying, doing his best to push the wheelchair through the grass yard as steadily as he could. He reached the shaded area and used his foot to flip the lock on the wheels into place.  
Izaya smirked, closing his eyes.  
"It really is a shame they changed our high-school so much. I liked it better when it was just Raijin High."  
Shizuo took a few steps and walked around, stretching a bit. Empty campus.  
"Yeah, they had to combine it with that other school 'cuz there wasn't enough students attending, didn't they? ...Figures."  
"Yep... y'know, this was the hangout, right here... this was where all of the cool kids chilled... you, Shinra, Dota-chin and me." Izaya reminisced thoughtfully.  
"Oh, yeah... we were kinda popular, weren't we?"  
The ravenette nodded, grinning widely.  
"Well, of course we were; we were drop-dead, smoking hot...! There wasn't a girl in the whole school who didn't want in our pants."  
Shizuo laughed heartily, then sighed and shook his head.  
"Oh, man... That's not quite how I remembered it."  
The only thing better than all the girls was the nicknames the girls gave us...! Do you remember those?" Izaya inquired.  
"No... Not really. Do you...?"  
"Switzerland, Lizard, Knuckles and Specs."  
Shizuo rolled his mocha eyes, smirking.  
"Man, you sure have a knack for remembering shit, now don't you?"  
Izaya chuckled.  
"Well now, Shizu-chan. Once upon a time I made my living off of that uncanny ability to remember information..."  
"...HM."  
Izaya tipped his head back and yawned.  
"However, I can't seem to remember Shizu-chan ever having a steady girlfriend in highschool."  
The blonde shrugged diffusively.  
"Ehh. I gave it a go once or twice but I never was any good at any of that 'boyfriend' stuff." He muttered, fumbling with the frames of his cobalt sunglasses. The ravenette gave him a rather curious look.  
"Oh, dear. Don't tell me you're still a virgin."  
Shizuo glanced back at him and the wheelchair, eyebrows furrowed.  
"No, I've done it before. But I never really made a habit out of it. It wasn't really my cup of tea, I guess."  
Izaya only grew more confused.  
"What do you mean, 'never made a habit out of it'? How could sex not be your 'cup of tea'? It's SEX."  
"I dunno, I guess I'm not as shallow as you! Quit pesterin' me!" Shizuo hissed, although he was trying his hardest to contain himself, the bulk if his anger was like dynamite, that would explode violently as soon as the right button was pressed.

Izaya's rickety little wheelchair was rolling over eggshells.

"There's something you're leaving out, Shizuo..." He pointed out carefully, making sure not to sound the slightest bit threatening.  
"So? Maybe it's because I don't feel comfortable telling you. You're not exactly trust-worthy, Izaya."  
The ravenette rolled his crimson eyes, then pulled his favorite card. A game changer; manipulation was his specialty.  
"Shizu-chan... I have three and a half hours until the doctors off me. I don't exactly have the time, or the opportunity; for that matter, to spread rumors."  
The blonde chewed his lip softly, taking that idea into consideration. Eventually, he bowed his head and gave in.  
"Hm, I suppose not... It's just... I never really got anything good from sex. I mean, I never had a problem with getting chicks to sleep with me, It was when I was actually doing them that they would start to scream at me and cry and get real upset and stuff 'cuz I was too rough and I was hurtin' them. I don't like hurting people, and so... I just got real sick of it all and gave up." He spoke awkwardly in an obviously embarrassed tone; his cheeks and tips of his ears flushing a rosy pink color.  
"Well, when was the last time you actually had, eh, sex with someone? Days, weeks, MONTHS...?"  
Shizuo rolled his eyes and laughed harshly.  
"Try 'years', Izaya."  
The ravenette's eyes widened in surprise, glistening like rubies.  
"Whoa! No WONDER you're so damn irritable all the time...! You just really, really need to get LAID...!"  
"No, not really. I hate to be crude, but I've got a pretty decent relationship with the palm of my right hand, but I keep myself pretty busy anyway. I work out."  
Izaya slapped a hand to his forehead and sighed.  
"Ugh.. Just, wow... I, I must say that I am truly impressed, Shizu-chan." Izaya commented, clapping his hands in a mock bravado. "As for Mr. Izaya Orihara himself, he cannot function without a steady diet of sex... He does it all the time, with loads of different people." Izaya continued, prattling on somewhat. Shizuo narrowed his eyes. He wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but found he was able to read people and the reasoning behind their actions rather well. He suspected Izaya's sudden switch to referring to himself in third person was solely to distance himself from the facts he was sharing; as if he was actually ashamed of them. Izaya chuckled a bit, turning his crimson gaze to the ground. Only helping to confirm the former bartender's suspicions.  
"I was actually gonna see if I could get with that nurse before I kicked it, but then you showed up outta the blue, Shizu-chan." He began nervously pushing on the wheels of his chair with his hands, rolling back and forth in about a two-foot radius.  
Shizuo scowled, then lit up a cigarette.  
"What about relationships, though? Don't you like, date or any of that stuff?"  
Izaya laughed again, rather forcefully.  
"Oh, absolutely not. I don't do relationships."  
"And I don't do sex."  
Izaya hesitated, noting the blonde's behavior and figuring the topic was no longer up for discussion. It was probably in his best interest to reel the conversation back into more familiar waters.  
"Hey, Shizu-chan...?"  
"Hm." The blonde grunted, blowing a faint cloud of smoke from his mouth.  
"Will you take me to the gazebo in Niichiguchi Park...?"  
"Sure thing."

[[End of Ch. 2! thx for reading! like always, reviews! Please leave your opinions and constructive criticism; I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing! ^w^ ]]


	3. Chapter 3

[[WOW, GUYS! :DDD Reviews OVERNIGHT! Well, to thank you for such a nice welcoming I got here on , I give to you, everything up to chapter eight! =^w^= ]]

"Alright. We're here." Shizuo announced, having finished wheeling the information broker up to the top of the winding pavement path that lead to the gazebo.  
"Ne, thank you, Shizu-chan."  
"No problem..." The blonde dismissed, sitting down one of the cement column-like seats under the gazebo's roof.  
Izaya forced a smile, all too aware of how late it was getting. Trying to remain cheerful despite it all. He gazed over the view that the hill-top position of the gazebo allowed him. He could see the fiery orange sky of sunset, purplish clouds back dropping the tall skyscrapers and buildings of the urban metropolis. He let out a soft, willowing sigh.  
"I always liked how far I was able to see from up here... I used to sit up here for hours and hours, just overseeing the people in the park as they went about their business, blissfully unaware that they were being watched..."  
"You're an odd one, Izaya." The blonde muttered, rather absent-mindedly.  
"So I've been told... Once, up here, I confronted a girl who claimed that she wasn't capable of love. So, I pointed a gun at a couple down there by that fountain, and asked if she would be upset if I shot them."  
"...That's absolutely awful." Shizuo retorted. The ravenette only chuckled, mostly to himself.  
"I suppose... Oh, fun little fact here; it happened to be the same gun that those gang members shot you down in the rain with."  
Shizuo shook his head, rolling his eyes.  
"Ugh, I'm not even going to ask."  
"Perhaps it would be best if you didn't. But anyway, Shizu-chan, I have a question to ask of you, if you don't mind."  
The former bartender cocked an eyebrow.  
Izaya paused for a long moment as he gathered up both the emotional strength and the vocabulary.

"Shizuo... Do you... Do you truly hate me?"

The silence stretched between the two as the moments ticked by, ever-growing, like a vast, icy lake.  
Izaya looked to the blonde hopefully, meeting a mocha gaze filled with so many emotions all muddled together, many of them ones that he did not fully understand.  
"Do... Do I...?" Shizuo stammered, as though he were asking that question of himself, more than of anyone else. He hesitated, and the ravenette held his breath.  
"I... I hated the Izaya that framed me for those crimes. The Izaya that antagonized me, the Izaya that went out of his way to make my life miserable. But..." He trailed off, staring into those deep, crimson eyes, neither one able to look away.

"But as for the Izaya that I'm sitting up here watching the sunset with... Well, I only wish that I had just a little more time to get to know him."

The ravenette let his eyes fall closed and nodded.

"I think he would have liked that, too."

He smirked lightly, and the blonde turned back to the sunset, unsure exactly why he was smiling, even if it was bittersweet.  
"The sky is really breath-taking this evening, don't you think, flea?"

"Oh, yes... It truly is, Shizu-chan... In fact... I do believe that it has stolen my breath away completely..."  
Another one of Izaya's infamous Cheshire grins spread it's way across his face; his crimson eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Perhaps... Perhaps I am in need of some CPR again. Shizu-chan.~"

Shizuo turned to face him with a rather confused expression. It took him a moment to register what the ravenette was implying, but when he did, his eyes grew wide behind the cobalt lenses, he jaw slackening enough for the cigarette to drop from his bottom lip and onto the cement ground.  
"Ah, Izaya..." He murmured, a bit shocked.  
"Shizu-chan, you're going to have to come to me, as I am the handicapped one, here. I'm afraid it might kill this rather clichè romantic mood if I do something horribly clumsy, like running a wheel over your foot."  
The blonde smirked awkwardly, before getting up from his seat and approaching the wheelchair.  
"Ne, Shizu-chan, you're going to have to bend down, here... You're tall as fuck..."  
The former bartender dropped to one knee in front of the wheelchair, carefully leaning so that his face was no more than a few hair's lengths away from the information broker's. Izaya considered commenting on the blonde's one-kneed position and how it might look from afar a if he were being proposed to, however, Shizuo interrupted him with a comment of his own.

"This is just, just because you won't wake up tomorrow."

The ravenette smirked, dipping his head to indicate that he understood. He reached forward and gently took hold of the thin beam of black plastic resting above the former bartender's ear; trailing a few fingers down the bridge of his nose as he slipped the cobalt blue-lensed sunglasses off of his face and placed them in the front pocket of Shizuo's vest.  
He held his breath for a few moments, slowly, hesitating as he closed the space between, crimson eyes wide open and watching for the other's reaction as he gingerly brushed his lips over the blonde's, barely making contact at all.

Interpreting Shizuo's lack of protest as permission to continue, the ravenette slipped a hand along the other's face, resting his fingers against the soft portion of skin underneath his jawbone and pulling him closer, closer, until he was kissing the blonde fully, mouthing at his lips with an increasing fervency. Izaya ran his tongue across the other's bottom lip, asking for entrance, which the former bartender has no problem complying to. The ravenette rolled his tongue forward, letting a slight moan that hitched with his breath and became a sigh. The noise itself was hardly audible, but Shizuo had caught it; hearing such a sound, added onto knowing that he had contributed to its origin, was enough to send a faint sensation of pleasure that curled up warmly and made itself at home close to his pelvis. Izaya closed his crimson eyes and wove his thin fingers into the former bartender's mess of bleached, golden hair, surprisingly soft to the touch. He was certainly enjoying the exploration of this newfound territory, his new territory that was most commonly referred to as, well, Shizuo. The blonde's mouth held a taste that was odd and musky; a combination of years and years of his bedamned cancer sticks and a hint of honey-based candy of some sort that he must have had earlier. As strange of a flavor as it was, the ravenette found it soothing. He could smell his cologne now; having never been quite this close to the former bartender it was a detail he'd never noticed before. The scent was actually rather strong, not quite as sophisticated as what he preferred to wear himself. He found it to be rather charming; that someone and raw and brutal as this person was still made an effort to appear well-kempt.  
Izaya pushed and slid his tongue up against the blonde's, letting out a similar moaning sound that, although unbeknownst to him, gave rise to an equally similar reaction in Shizuo's gut as it had before.  
As much Izaya would have liked to keep up the action, he found himself running out of breath much too soon, forced to surface from his indulgences and come up for air. His lips parted from the other's, their tongues still intertwined for a few more brief moments before breaking away completely.  
Izaya was still rather caught up in the moment, eyes lidded heavily and drunk on the kiss, so Shizuo was the one to notice the thin line of spittle that still connected their mouths together. His cheeks flushed a rather fiery red, that spread to his ears. He shooed it away with his hand, then wiped the rest of the excess saliva from his mouth on his sleeve.  
"Ugh, that was really, really weird-" Shizuo muttered.  
Izaya scowled, taking slight offense.  
"Well, I liked it."  
Shizuo hesitated, glancing down on the ground.  
"I... I know... So did I. And that's why it was so weird... I didn't, didn't think I would...! The fuck!"  
Izaya smirked, pleased that the blonde was playing right into his hand.  
"Well then, Shizu-chan. I do think I have a proposition for you." Izaya stated casually, crimson eyes glistening again.  
"Oh?" Shizuo inquired, cocking an eyebrow in interest.  
The ravenette information broker grinned, reaching forward and taking each of the former bartender's larger, calloused hand in his pale, spindly-fingered ones.

" We have just a little more than two hours left, Shizu-chan. Why don't you take me to my apartment in Shinjuku, and then we could... have sex."

"AH, HAVANA-?"

Izaya lifted his arms and stretched in his seat.  
"I'd like for you to have sex with me, Shizu-chan. I really would rather I didn't die this horny, and we both know that you need to get laid, anyway. Consider it my way of redemption for all the shit I've dragged you into over the years."  
The blonde former bartender was absolutely dumbstruck.  
"Are you kidding me? You're IN A WHEELCHAIR, for god's sake!" He blurted.  
"Oh? What's that supposed to mean, ne?"  
"But you're a GUY...!"  
"Gay is the new straight, Shizu-chan. It's BL; like Karisawa-san says. And, being male, I'm sure I'd be more apt for your rough-and-tumble than any female would be. I'll try to refrain from complaining about how much you're hurting me."  
"But what about your injuries-"  
"Ugh, don't worry about that. I trust you'll be gentle. I'm going to kick it in two hours anyway, so it can be our little dirty secret, y'know? You can take it to your grave, if you'd like."  
Shizuo let out a long sigh.  
"You do know, if we do this, we won't have enough time to visit the top of the Sunshine Building where those girls killed themselves."  
He pointed out. Izaya simply nodded.  
"That's alright. I've been up there loads of times, anyway."  
"You've also had sex loads of times."  
"Yes, but never with you, Shizu-chan."  
"Ehh, fine. Point made."

Oh, that Cheshire grin was back and wider than ever.

[[May I just say here, that the upcoming 'smut' in the next chapter isn't going to be, well, all that smutty. I usually write rather extensive, dirty, heavy smut scenes; but as this one is more for the plot of the story than it is for the purpose of being smut, it will be significantly lighter. :) ]]


	4. Chapter 4

[[M-RATED! Now we're kickin' off the smut!]]

Shizuo pushed the wheelchair out of the elevator, up to the apartment door, took the key out from underneath the mat and headed inside. He was undeniably nervous; palms sweaty, heartbeat racing.  
The people in the lobby of the complex had stared at him, like he was absolutely insane.  
Of course, who could blame them?  
Here was the monster of Ikebukuro, his tall, intimidating figure bent over and carefully, caringly, pushing his arch enemy (who was in a rather pleasant, happy mood, despite him being on his deathbed) around town in a damn wheelchair.

It was like seeing Batman and the Joker skipping about with their arms interlocked, giggling together and throwing flower petals everywhere.

He was relieved to be free of their peering eyes on him, thankful to be in private now.  
But that feeling was short-lived, because he was now, well, ALONE with the wheelchair-bound; and he was all too aware of what Izaya wanted him to do next.

"Okay Shizu-chan, take me to the back bed-room, it's just down that hall."  
Shizuo nodded, doing as he was asked. He wheeled the information broker up to the foot of the bed.  
Ugh, why exactly why he had agreed to do this in the first place?  
Answer; because he hadn't been able to say 'no' to those soft innocent crimson eyes, eyes of a man who had little more than an hour or two left to live. The ravenette almost seemingly was able to read his mind.  
"I know why you agreed to do this, you know. But... Ne, it's too bad this had to happen so late in my life. Perhaps if I had more time we could have made a habit out of this." The ravenette commented.  
"Maybe. But again, I'm only doing this because I pity you." The blonde replied flatly, now bending down in front of the wheelchair and beginning to undo the first couple buttons on the information broker's hospital gown.

Izaya's hand instantly clamped down over the former bartender's, stopping him.  
"Ah, leave it on, Shizuo!" He blurted much too quickly. "It's a bit drafty in here."  
The blonde furrowed his brow in suspicion, but he said nothing.  
He only lifted up the bottom hem of the ravenette's garment enough to expose what he needed to. (Because apparently, the hospital hadn't granted him the luxury of such things as underwear.)  
Izaya's cheeks flushed a bit pink, he squirmed a bit in embarrassment and averted his gaze to the ceiling.  
"Hey, you're already getting hard, flea." The blonde pointed out, his tone little more than investigative.  
"Sh-Shizu-chan."  
"So... I guess I should just... do this?"  
The information broker shuddered slightly as the other reached forward and took a careful hold of his stiffening length.  
"Your h-hands are warm."  
The blonde's expression grew genuinely concerned, looking up at the ravenette even as he started to run that hand up and down over the wheel-chair bound's engorged flesh.  
Izaya squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly unable to meet his gaze.  
"N-No... Not at all..."  
Shizuo smiled.  
"M'kay, good... I can't believe you're going to be gone... It just seems like it could never, ever happen, y'know? Izaya Orihara can't DIE...!"  
The information broker bit his bottom lip.  
"Ah, Shizu-chan, let's not talk right now, okay?"  
The blonde nodded in respect to his wishes, continuing his ministrations a few moments longer before getting a better idea.  
"Oi, Shizu-chan, where are you goin- OH～!" Izaya gasped, startled by the sudden feeling of the heat of the former bartender's mouth enclosing around the upper-half of his arousal.  
"Shizu-chan, you don't have to- hah! mmnh..." He protested nervously, at first, but as he became used to the wet, velvety warmth, the gentle sucking and feeling of the other's tongue running over his skin he grew relaxed; with his lips parted and eyelids drooping.  
He reached a hand out and weaved his thin fingers into the temperamental former bartender's golden blonde hair, which he found surprisingly soft and silky, considering how often Shizuo bleached it. It was obvious he had never been with another man before. But right now, to Izaya, it didn't matter if his skills were akin to a virgin or a porn star. All that mattered was who was doing it.  
A soft moan escaped from his lips and he pushed the blonde's head closer, putting up with the pleasure for a bit longer before releasing himself into the other's mouth.  
He didn't give any sort of warning, and it wasn't as if Shizuo knew how to anticipate it; he didn't know what to expect or how to tell when Izaya's climax was coming.  
He had to fight the urge to gag, somehow managing to swallow the majority of it but still spitting up enough to have creamy white fluids dribbling off of his chin.  
Shizuo wiped his mouth and looked up to the ravenette in the wheelchair.  
"So, ah... What next, flea?" He inquired, hesitance filling his tone.  
Hesitance and pity.  
Izaya refused to make eye contact and spoke in a whisper, his breath still heavy.

"...Pick me up and place me on the bed."  
Shizuo nodded, then slipped an arm underneath the information broker's paralyzed legs and carefully lifted him from the wheelchair.  
Shizuo was able to carry him as if he weighed no more than a feather; the strength was no doubt an ability from his 'inhuman' side. And yet, this 'monster' was being ever so gentle with him, taking his wounded state into mind. Caring for him like, like a newborn kitten. A baby bird.

Izaya could not recall a time where anyone had ever treated him like this before, much less someone who hated him as much as Shizuo did.

And so he clung all the more tightly.  
Izaya found his arms wrapped tight around the other's neck, craving the closeness and the comfort it brought him.  
Shizuo climbed on top of the bed and began to lay the ravenette back, only to have Izaya tighten his grip.  
"No, wait! Don't, don't do that! It might be, ah, too much pressure on my spine...! please, just hold me..."  
The blonde smirked, then pulled him back up and set him in his lap, the hospital patient's groin pressed to his stomach.  
Izaya's gaze flickered about, him letting out an uneasy, shaky sort of sigh as he let go of the bartender's neck and began slowly undoing the buttons on his clothing.  
Shizuo allowed this, watching his pale, spindly fingers dart around each of the individual buttons on his attire. Once Izaya had finished doing so, he proceeded to push the fabric back, peeling the blonde's vest and undershirt off of his broad shoulders and exposing his quite handsome, muscular upper body.  
Shizuo let out a soft purr of contentment, leaning in and smoothly claiming the ravenette's lips. Izaya let his eyes fall closed, melting into the action and becoming lost in the other. His hands roamed over the landscape of his body, every inch something new to him.  
"Shit..." He breathed huskily into the kiss, not all that consciously. Shizuo smirked, pulling away briefly.  
"What was that, flea?"  
Izaya blinked, pausing to figure out how to put what he was feeling into words.  
"You could be a male model, you know. Or, hehe, even an actor～ You've got just as good-looking of a face as Kasuka, and you've got this BODY... Ne, these abs here are from throwing all those vending machines at poor little old me, huh～?" He cooed. And he was fully expecting an equally elaborate compliment in return.

"Nah, I can't act."

Izaya scowled, taking in the response. It took him a bit, but his intellectual mind eventually unraveled the packaging of the phrase, almost like a riddle.  
Izaya grinned.  
"If you can't act, that you can't fake that this, right now, is how you truly feel about me. Isn't it?"  
Shizuo blushed, surprised that the ravenette had saw right through a hidden meaning he hadn't even been aware he'd put there himself.  
"...Yeah."  
Izaya decided to reply with an equally obscure answer, knowing all too well Shizuo would not be able to figure it out.

"Maybe I could teach you sometime."

Before the blonde could even register what Izaya had said, he'd claimed his lips with fervency. Shizuo grunted slightly into his ravenette's mouth as the other's tongue slid over his own.  
Izaya could feel the growing lump of his (soon to be) seme's erection pressing up against his thigh, his bare thigh, and it sent thrilling pangs of arousal coursing through his system.  
"Shiz-chan," He breathed, briefly separating his lips from the blonde's. "You're already so hard, let's do it..."  
Shizuo smirked lightly.  
"Ahn, I didn't want to rush you."  
"It's okay, Shizu-chan. I'm doing this for you, remember?" He cooed in the former bartender's ear in an attempt to be sultry, but Shizuo shook his head.  
"I don't want you to sacrifice what little time you have left for me."  
"Oh, no, it's okay!" He insisted. "Shizu-chan, I want this too!"  
"Are you sure?" Izaya hesitated only for a moment.  
"Yes, Shiz-chan. I'm sure."  
The blonde tilted his head back and closed his eyes. The ravenette smirked nervously and pressed forward.  
"Shizuo, there's a bottle of lube in the night-stand drawer... if you could get it please."  
Shizuo sighed, but did as he was asked. The information broker smiled weakly.  
"Please use plenty, Shizu-chan. My body is very delicate right now so it would be best if it slid in easy..."  
Shizuo nodded and squeezed some of the gel onto his fingers, lifting Izaya's body up with the other hand then placing his slathered fingertips at the ravenette's entrance.  
Izaya gasped, tensing up a little.  
"Shiz'-chan, it's cold."  
The blonde dipped his head, caressing the skin around for a few moments before stating,  
"I'm putting my fingers in now."  
Izaya grit his teeth as the former bartender did, well, exactly as he said he would.  
"Shiz'-chan, more lube... Please."  
Shizuo once again did as he was instructed, then set to working the gel-like liquids into a hot slick inside the velvet of the information broker's body.  
"Add just a little bit more."  
"But it's already dripping out of you-"  
Shiz'-chan, please."  
Shizuo cursed under his breath, but he still complied. Izaya couldn't help but moan, the other's touch was firm and purposeful, and he arched his back when his fingers grazed against the sensitive bundle of nerves within himself.  
Perhaps the monster deserved a bit more credit than Izaya gave him, as he was surprisingly talented with this portion of intercourse, and that at at least.  
"Alright.. Ah, I think, I think you can put it in now, Shiz'-chan."  
" 'Kay, just a second, I haven't quite gotten it up all the way..." He mumbled, reaching down and unzipping the fly of his pants.  
"You're not going to take your pants off?" Izaya inquired. Shizuo shook his head.  
"Nah, I'm just gonna pull it through the hole. Why, is that not alright with you or somethin'?"  
Izaya was feeling a bit jipped, but he could tell from the blonde's irked tone of voice that it would be best if he just kept his mouth shut.  
"No... it's fine. As long as we're having sex, that's all that matters."  
Shizuo rolled his eyes.  
"You're still so shallow, Izaya. You're dying and all you care about is getting in somebody's pants before you drop." He pointed out, now beginning to pump himself. Izaya scowled. This wasn't exactly going the way he'd planned it to. The blonde was still so... Hostile.  
"It's not like that." The ravenette argued.  
"Yeah, it is. Let's just not do this, then."  
"No, wait! Shizuo, I want this! Please!" Izaya begged, grabbing his shoulder. Shizuo smirked cruelly.  
"My point. You're shallow."  
"Whatever. It's not because I'm shall-" He began to mumble under his breath, cut off when the blonde all at once lifted him up by his hips and thrusted inside, his length slipping into the other's body with ease due to the (excessive) amount of lubricant; much like a hot knife through butter. Izaya let out a long, ragged moan, clinging on tight for his life.  
"Shizuooo~! Oh, please be more careful! You're starting to take your anger out on me...~!" He shrieked, his tone a mixture of pleasure and distress.  
The blonde hesitated.  
"I'm sorry, Izaya, I just, I don't really do sex, I don't need it..." He murmured looking up longingly at the other and hoping that he would see things the same way.  
Izaya squeezed his eyes shut.  
"Ahah, Shizu-chan, MOVE! You can't stay in one place, ah, it hurts!" He whined, speared by the other's unflagging hardness and filled to his very brim.  
Shizuo swallowed, a bit dismayed, but he shifted his hips and began to buck them upwards.  
Izaya tried his best to balance himself, squeezing his eyes shut and gripping the blonde's shoulders as Shizuo's movements rocked and bounced his body, up and down, up and down. As the situation progressed Izaya's soft cries and moans grew husky, the blonde began to take to the motions and direct waves of pleasure, all hesitant thoughts pushed out of his mind in favor of the sex.  
The air around became thick and heated, filled with grunts and groans of lust, harsh, wet sounds of flesh being assaulted by flesh, creaking of mattress springs.  
Shizuo kept a steady pace, making each thrust deliberate but always conscious not to put out more than the frail hospital patient could take.  
He held the uke in place with a hand on either side of his waist, moving his hips back and forth in a fluid motion, rhythm, liquid.  
Izaya claimed his lips passionately, kissing his seme before trailing his mouth down the blonde's jawline and neck. Butterfly kisses.  
"Shiz'-chan..." He breathed, his hands tugging needily on the former bartender's clothes.  
"Please, lay me down on my back, I want more..."  
"Are you sure you can handle it? I don't want to hurt you."  
Izaya nodded vigorously, gasping out with breathy, wanton moans.  
"Yes, I can take it... I fucking need it, you're so good and I'm already so close... hahn..."  
Shizuo dipped his head obediently, then gently let the wounded information broker fall back onto the mattress and into his awaiting arms. Izaya held on to the blonde's shoulders as he immediately set back to work, settling himself more snugly up between the uke's thighs.  
Izaya arched his back in pleasure and cried out the seme's name; the new position allowing each of the blonde's thrusts to penetrate him deeper, every time he bucked his hips into the other his engorged length struck in just the place the uke needed it most.  
"Sh-Shizu-CHAN~! Pick up my legs~!" He begged, and this time the blonde was eager to satisfy those wishes. He held the ravenette's legs up around his waist and pumped himself in and out of the other's writhing body, much to Izaya's delight.  
Shizuo was becoming increasingly aware of just how much more of this he'd be able to take.  
"Hah, Izaya, I'm real close, close, I can't do this much longer...~" He gasped, gritting his teeth tightly.  
"Shiz'-chan~! I'm close too! Please, keep f-fucking me...!"  
The blonde reached around and took hold of the uke's swollen length, pumping his fist rapidly over the flesh, letting go of the ravenette's legs in favor of grasping onto his hips for leverage, delivering several forceful thrusts.  
Izaya's eyes rolled back up into his skull and he threw his head back, crying out for the other as he reached his climax. He couldn't help himself; he lifted his legs and locked them around the seme's waist, all on his own, hands clutching tightly onto the blonde's shoulders and not about to let go.

A sudden realization, a rush of anger surfaced in Shizuo's mind. Something was wrong, but those thoughts were swallowed up and buried by a wave of pure pleasure as the ravenette's insides contacted around his length, like hot, wet velvet; his vision flashing white as his body tossed itself into the throws of climax.  
Izaya grabbed the blonde's face and kissed him aggressively, moaning as the seme filled his insides with his sticky, glue-like release.  
The ravenette's legs dropped back down to the mattress just as the blonde had emptied himself completely.  
Shizuo held himself over the other, panting as he caught his breath, before pulling himself from the information broker's body and wiping away what spilled out. Izaya whined, already missing that warmth that had so welcomely assaulted his insides. Shizuo made somewhat of a face at him as he tucked himself back into his boxers and zipped up his fly before falling back on the bed next to where Izaya lay.  
Sweat dampened, out of breath, hair sticking to their own foreheads, both staring at the ceiling and basking in the afterglow.  
"Huhhh... damn, Izaya... That was really good. I needed that."  
The ravenette smirked, curling his toes nervously and adjusting his hospital garb so it covered himself again.  
"Nyaa~ Flattery, ne? Of course it was good, Shizu-chan. If there's one thing Izaya Orihara has a talent for, it's sex... Sex, parkour, and of course, manipulation. Pity I didn't have my knife with me. I could've done so many erotic things with my blade.~"  
Shizuo laughed and wrapped his arms gingerly around the information broker's body, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck. Izaya swallowed uneasily.  
"Eheh, I'm really gonna miss you, Izaya..." The blonde murmured, his voice muffled by the bed and the other's flesh. The ravenette rolled his eyes lightly, his crimson irises catching some of the faint light in the bedroom.  
"Well, I'm sure you'll find someone else to throw things at, brute." He teased, smiling.  
But when the other gave no reply, his face fell.  
"Shizu-chan?" Once again, he offered him no response, but a few moments later Izaya noticed the seme's body trembling, and the blonde let out a barely-audible whimpering noise. The ravenette's heart skipped a beat.  
"Oi, c'mon, Shizuo..."  
Another whimper. The area of his neck where the former bartender's face was buried was starting to become increasingly wet.

"Shizuo, you're crying."

The blonde stopped for a moment.  
"I KN-KNOW THAT GOD DAMMIT!"  
Izaya jolted at the sudden outburst, right in his ear, for that matter. He held his tongue despite such, carefully placing a hand on the former bartender's back.  
"Ne... Shhhhhh... shhhh... shh..."  
His attempts to comfort were awkward at best, and they did little to give the blonde solace.  
"God dammit Shizuo, please don't do this..." He tried, rather exasperatingly. Shizuo was not having any of it.  
"W-What am I supposed to do now-?" He sputtered, refusing to show his face, because, hey. He was Shizuo fucking Heiwajima. He was supposed to be strong, not emotional, to breaking down like this. No one needed to see him at his lowest, even if they WERE going to die within the next hour or so.  
"Shizuo... look at yourself. The strongest man in Ikebukuro is whining and crying like a damn baby." The ravenette sneered, pulling the reputation card.  
"I don't c-care! I don't want you to d-die...!"  
Izaya wasn't feeling especially patient, however.  
"Ugh, Shizuo! Suck it up for god's sake! Whining isn't gonna change anything! I'm dying! I'm kickin' it tonight! That's that!"  
He snapped angrily, giving the blonde a particularly hard shove, surprisingly forceful, given his injured state. But even so, Shizuo still remained locked in place. He was silent for a short while before breaking down completely, and the dark room was soon filled with the sounds of his now-unhindered sobbing. The ravenette's neck grew soaked and sticky, him becoming increasingly suspicious that the blonde had, well, 'snotted' on him. He was a bit disgusted, to be frank, but that emotion was overwhelmed by a feeling of disturbing guilt. It was the noises; the noises noises the other was emitting that unsettled him the most. Bizarre, ugly noises that made him feel extremely, extremely uncomfortable. He didn't like the noises; he wanted to get as far away from the noises and the grown man who was making them as he possibly could.

"Shizuo," He blurted, breathless, but firmly. "I want you to take me back to the hospital."

The blonde's strong arms squeezed around his body desperately with a force just short of crushing. An image of a wounded zebra in the grasp of an anaconda snake flashed briefly through Izaya's mind.

"NO."

The sudden change in the other's tone truly scared him, made his heart race.

"Sh-Shizuo.. Let go of me."  
"NO." There it was again.  
A flat-out, absolute refusal.

He was afraid now, the possibility of him ever getting out of his own apartment was growing increasingly smaller and smaller by the minute.  
And Izaya knew, in the back of his mind, exactly what words would be his key to freedom; but he dared not say them.  
He'd worked so hard, and saying those words would destroy everything.

"I won't let them kill you! I won't let them take you away from me!"  
Shizuo's words attacked his heart and left gaping holes.  
"...Shizu-chan..."  
"I can't let them take you from me! I don't know what I'd do if you were g-gone! Izaya!"

Izaya closed his eyes and sighed.  
"Please, Shizuo... you have to let go of me."  
The blonde grew more distressed.  
"No' I c-can't! You don't un-understand! I know we've only spent time like this for a few hours but I keep feeling' all weird and stuff and if I let you go then I... I, I just can't do it!"  
Izaya felt himself beginning to panic.  
"Nononono, Shizuo, Shizuo please don't say-"

"Izaya, god, I l-love you...!"

The ravenette's eyes widened in horror.  
"And that's why... That's why I can't let you go... I spent time with the real you and I'm falling in love with him..." The blonde's voice was no more than a hoarse whisper.  
"Ugh, Shizuo, you don't really mean that, you don't love me, you hate me, I did all those awful things to you-"

"No! I've never felt this way about anyone else before! Ever! I know what I'm feeling! I fucking love you!"  
Izaya's gaze flickered down to the mattress.  
"Don't say to me... Don't make this any harder than it has to be... Take me back to the hospital..."  
And as he spoke those words himself he felt hot tears of his own attempt to well up in his eyes, but the ravenette forced them away. Shizuo saw this, and perhaps it was this that finally numbed a breaking heart enough for him to allow the other to fall from his grasp.

Love like sand slipping through the cracks between his fingers.

Like trying to hold onto smoke as it trailed away.

He'd spent so much time hating, he'd missed the train.

"...Y-Yes... Okay... I'm so sorry..."

[[ I': To be honest I teared up a little bit while I was typing this up. w

And, I kinda lied, earlier... *finger twiddle* I don't have the time (at the very moment) to upload all the way to chapter eight. Hehe...

I might be able to update later today, if not then tomorrow or later during the week. I cannot say for sure, however. :I

Hey, be happy. I gave you butt sex up there. ^ ]]


	5. Chapter 5

"Thank you for taking Mr. Orihara out, sir. I'm sure he's grateful he got to see Ikebukuro one more time before he passed away."  
The curly haired, red-headed nurse spoke softly, walking up to the pair in the hallway outside the hospital room and taking the handlebars behind the wheelchair.  
The blonde remained rigid, head bowed, cobalt sunglasses hiding his eyes.  
For a few moments there was a brief struggle between him and the nurse because he refused to let go of the handles.  
She gave him an odd look as she finally managed to wriggle the wheelchair from his grasp, pushing the ravenette a few feet away before walking back to the other man and placing a hand on his shoulder.  
"Is everything okay, sir?"  
"Are you sure... There's not anything the doctors can do?" He inquired through his teeth harshly, not looking up. She smiled sadly.  
"Mr. Orihara has a brain injury, a punctured lung, and extensive damage to his spinal system. Even with million dollar surgery, the chances of his making it for even another week or two are slim."  
"This is for the best, Shizu-chan. Let go of me." Izaya stated calmly from the wheelchair, facing away.  
Shizuo was silent for a few moments, then slowly lifted his head to make eye contact with the nurse.  
"Do you believe in heaven?"  
She smiled again, meeting his gaze genuinely.  
"Of course."  
Shizuo turned away and nodded slightly.  
"Yeah... I'm okay."  
The nurse bit her bottom lip.  
"Sir, you can sit in that chair while the doctors are with him, if that would make you feel any better."  
Shizuo took the chair in question without any hesitation.  
" . . . . Thank you."  
She smiled weakly.  
"I'm sorry, sir. This is obviously hard for you."  
"I'm alright, I said."  
She dipped her head awkwardly, then wheeled the ravenette into the hospital room, the doctors were already there and waiting for him.

And Izaya did not give Shizuo a second glance.

The blonde sat there, in the chair outside the hospital room, for what felt like hours.

He heard the doctors within murmuring back and forth. The nurse.  
He heard Izaya's soft voice.

"I'm ready."

And heard the heart monitor give that long, eerie, drawn out beep as Izaya Orihara finally stopped breathing.

He closed his eyes, tears shedding freely and falling into his lap, making small little dark spots on his pants.

The doctors filed out of the room pushing the wheeled hospital stretcher, a human-shaped lump, just his size, covered by a white sheet.

Shizuo opened one eye and caught sight of the ravenette's hand, his ringed fingers, dangling off the edge from underneath the fabric.  
Completely limp.

Shizuo continued to sit there.

After a little longer, the red-headed nurse peeked her head from the doorway and looked around, then slipped out and approached the almost equally-lifeless figure in the chair.

She laid a folded bundle of clothing gently into his lap without a word.

He slowly opened his eyes and felt a pang of bittersweet misery tug on the strings of his heart, recognizing the furred attire immediately.

" ...This is his jacket... "

She nodded.  
"I'm probably going to get into trouble for this, but I feel like after what we put you through, you deserve a bit of closure." She paused for a moment, hesitating. "I don't usually sympathize with others, but I understand how you must feel right now. I had to let go of the one I loved, too."  
Tilting his head back, he slowly clutched the fabric to his chest, to his heart, in remembrance.

"...Thank you... So much..."

She smiled sadly, then headed down the hall and into the back room where the doctors had taken the stretcher.

Locking the door behind her.

As soon as the lock caught, the information broker sat straight up from the stretcher, casting the sheet aside in a magnificent flourish and throwing his arms into the air.

"TAA-DAAAH~~! He's ALIVE! It's a MIRACLE!"  
Izaya exclaimed, that awful, sadistic sense of humor ever-present in his tone.  
The nurse rolled her eyes and took off the curly red wig she'd been wearing, letting her long, dark hair cascade down and fall around her face. She unbuttoned her uniform and stripped down to her bra and panties, then from a sports bag in the back of the room took out her green striped turtleneck and red skirt and proceeded to redress herself in her regular clothing.  
"You're a sick man." She growled.  
Izaya only laughed.  
Oh, Namie! Such a card~! Calling ME sick when you're in LOOOVE with little brother Seiji-kun~!"  
"You wouldn't even know love if it slapped you in the face, Orihara. All you do is SPIT on it." She hissed.

"Wow~! Did you transform into a Sailor Girl all of the sudden? Standing up for love and justice~! My my, what planet are you from?"  
Izaya exclaimed obnoxiously. Namie folded her arms over her bust.  
"You shouldn't mess with people's hearts, Orihara. I don't like a lot of things you do, but getting involved with someone's love life and taking advantage of someone like that is just too far. I don't give a damn HOW much you hate him."  
"Oh my! Sounds like Namie has a crush on Shizu-chan, too~! Sorry honey, but his 'love life' wasn't the only thing I got 'involved' with.~" He cooed, rolling around on the stretcher and tilting his head upside-down. "Because I 'INVOLVED' Shizu-chan right into BED~!"  
"I'm not attracted to him, freak."  
Izaya just grinned.

"I can't believe he bought all of it~! That I had been HURT! That I was going to DIE! Oh, oh! This one's the best! That I, Izaya Orihara, had actually CHANGED!"

And with that he burst into a fit of maniacal laughter, cackling to himself like a hyena.

Namie's lip curled in disgust, then she began to take bills from his wallet.  
Izaya thought nothing of this and started bouncing his knees on the stretcher, trying to mimic the creaking noise the bed had made.  
"Oh! Oh! Oh, god! Izaya! Izaya! You're so good, but I don't want to hurt you! I'm so scared I'll get too rough with you, like I did with all those OTHER girls! Please! Don't leave me like they did! I'm trying my hardest to be GENTLE, but, oh, I just can't help myself! Izaya~!"

Namie gave him a stare filled with cold malice.

"Y'know, I bet the reason you go around hurting others is because you hate yourself. No one friggin' likes you. You destroy other people's relationships because you can't handle being in one yourself. You're nothing but a selfish, self-centered little PIG, Orihara."  
All at once Izaya's tone grew hostile, suddenly venomous.  
"I don't DO relationships, Namie Yagiri. And contrary to your beliefs, Shizu-chan likes me VERY much. In fact, HE LOVES ME. DO NOT try to reprimand me, or I will fire your sorry, money-sapping, incestuous ass."  
Namie laughed mockingly.  
"Just LISTEN to yourself! He doesn't love YOU, he loves what you PRETENDED to be! Once he finds out you were just messing with him, that you WEREN'T dying, all hell is going to break loose. You're gonna get what's coming to you Orihara, and I hope Shizuo Heiwajima is the one who delivers it."

And with that said and his money in her pocket, she unlocked the door and stalked out of the room.  
He hesitated, mostly out of dumbstruck shock, before calling after her.

"NAMIE YAGIRI, YOU BITCH!"

No response.

Grumbling to himself, he took off his hospital uniform.

Not a single bullet had ever penetrated his lithe body.

He dug around in the bag and dressed himself in his usual attire.

" 'THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH MY JACKET, NAMIE?"

Still no response.

"AHH! GOD DAMMIT!"

[[ And that's it for this chapter~ I hope you don't hate me too much~ ;D ]]


	6. Author's Note 1

Author's note time!  
Okay, reviews, reviews, reviews! What did you think?  
Did that catch you off guard? Were you surprised~? Or did you expect as much from Izaya's character? I tried to use a lot of foreshadowing; i.e.; him not letting Shiz undress him, some of the things he said, the legs, and some things the nurse/Namie mentioned.  
Did I keep them all IC? D:  
This is my first Angst/Tradegy story ever, and also the first fanfiction I've posted online, so I'm real nervous. :)  
As for the idea for this, it came to me when I was up late one night, after just watching Edward Scissorhands, I decided I wanted to write a very short character death 'fic [Ch. 1] but then I decided I wanted to make it longer, add a little sprinkle of smut, and then ultimately decided against killing him off entirely.  
So, to let you know, this story is by /FAR/ not over, I just thought I needed to actually say something here other than my usual brief footnotes.  
As a last word, I am BEGGING you for a response/reviews. Your reviews not only help me improve my writing, but also shape future chapters, too. [I'm always open and eager to hear your ideas!]  
If you look, just below this, there is a hyperlink for a chapter review... If you could click it and then maybe type some words, I would forever be in your debt, my lord. :333 -bows-  
-with love, ~SheikNinja~


	7. Chapter 6

And so, somehow, Izaya just ended up going home without his trademark furry attire.

He was angry and frustrated, steamed over, and, well, pissed.

He headed into his apartment and slammed the door behind him.

Of course.

Just leave it to Namie to ruin all his fun.

Ugh. ...Fucking Shizuo, too.

All this 'love' crap.

Just a bunch of garbage.

Namie, trying to tell him he 'wouldn't know love if it slapped him in the face'.

Psssh.

As if.

He knew what love was.

Knew what it felt like.

He felt it all the time.

He loved everyone.

Every single idiotic, ignorant, self-centered mother fucking person on the whole god forsaken planet.

And that was a greater love that neither Namie, nor Shizuo, or even anyone else at all could ever comprehend.

EVER. He sat down on the couch and sighed, holding his head in his hands.

Damn it all.

This was all supposed to have been fun for him.

The blonde... Well, he had expected the damn brute to have been happy about him dying.

The original plan was to fake his own death, watch the former bartender start building a life for himself, watch him settle down, and then come back from the dead to tear it all down.

But then Shizuo had announced he was going to actually stop by the hospital, and Izaya had been forced to re-strategize.

He had his secretary play the part of the nurse, and had set everything up perfectly.

So where had he gone wrong...?

Answer; the blonde had caught him by surprise, as always.

It had all been down-hill from the minute Shizuo had brought 'love' into play.

That had been White's queen-side castle in his chess game.

He had been put into check; he had been forced to retreat.

He never had to retreat. He was not a 'retreater'.

Even so.

The minute Shizuo's arms had wrapped around his waist and those three words escaped his lips; Izaya had become truly afraid.

Control of the situation had slipped from his grasp. He'd had to run away.

Namie had only further thrown off his concentration, and he'd had to make a frantic, messy clean-up.

Izaya slowly curled up into a ball in the corner of the couch, burying his face in his knees and holding them tight to his body. Shivering.

Maybe Namie had been right.

After so long, he'd finally earned the love of his first human... but it wasn't for HIM, per say.

It was for the LIE that he had spread.

He'd wanted his humans to love him, oh yes. But this...

This only made it seem like the real him would never be truly loved at all.

And for some reason, that wounded him deeply.

Izaya wasn't sure exactly when the tears began streaming down his face, but once they did, they wouldn't stop.

Wouldn't stop. Wouldn't stop. Wouldn't stop.

Shizuo was lying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark of the bedroom.

How the FUCK was he supposed to go to sleep.

Every time he closed his eyes, his mind wandered back to the events of the evening, to thoughts of him...

Izaya Orihara.

The name alone was enough to pull on the strings of his heart and shred at his being.

He felt absolutely destroyed inside.

'I mean, you've pulled a lot of bullshit over the years...'  
'Yeah, because I was all alone... that was the only way I could get attention from other people that I truly needed...'

Negative attention was better than none at all.

To think, after all this time, the flea had been suffering though the same things he was...

That they had shared the same loneliness, that Izaya had felt those same painful, unfulfilled desires.

The desperate need for acceptance.

To think, all of this hurt could have been avoided had they just been there for each other from the very start.

What an awful truth that was.

All he'd wanted was someone who would love and accept him for what he was.  
Izaya had done that all along; as he accepted everyone exactly for what they were and loved everyone he met with all his heart.  
All he ever wanted was someone to love him in return, but no one ever did.  
Shizuo had been perfectly capable of doing just that...

But for some reason, the rival pair had never made the connection.  
Of course, not until the very last possible second, but now...  
Now, that chance to be loved, was gone for good.

He'd missed the train, and it would not ever, ever be coming back.

And the reason he was left alone at the station was no one's fault but his own.  
And now he had to suffer the consequences.

He only wished that the little amount of his love he'd been able to offer in the short time, had been enough to ease the other's pain, even the slightest bit, before he passed away.

If he had even accepted his love at all. Looking back, a nauseating feeling overcame him as he remembered what had happened when he told the other how he felt.  
'No, you don't love me, don't say that to me, Shizuo, please don't make this any harder than it already is... Take me back to the hospital...'  
He'd had tears in his eyes when he'd said those words.  
It was obvious, to Shizuo at least, that Izaya hadn't wanted him to say such a thing because he knew that his time left was so short, he didn't want Shizuo to attach such a powerful feeling as love to the imminent loss...

Izaya didn't even have to say those three words back to him.

Shizuo knew the ravenette had cared so much about him that he HAD to reject him to try and preserve the blonde's heart.  
Bittersweet.  
All that mattered to him was that he'd helped to ease his pain.

That Izaya knew he was loved in the moment he took his final breath.

Because the pain Shizuo was going through now was enough to make him want to slit his own throat.

Maybe if he died too, they'd have a second chance where ever it was they passed on to.  
He wasn't religious, however, and his hope was wearing thin.  
In the back of his mind he feared that Izaya's beliefs regarding the afterlife would turn out to be correct.

He had to face the truth.

He was alive, Izaya was dead.

Izaya was dead and nothing would ever, ever bring him back.

He was eventually going to have to move on.

He re-fluffed the pillows, pulled the bed-covers over his head and clutched the fur-lined jacket to his chest just a little bit tighter.

He wasn't ready to 'move on' quite yet.

After a few minutes of the silent darkness his insomnia got the best of him.  
He took a blanket, a pillow and the jacket out into the living room and set them up on the couch. He made himself comfortable and turned on the TV, but this did nothing to change the fact that he was entirely alone.

[[Oh my goodness I just want to hug them right now. QAQ ]]

[[ Breaking into the second part of the story, here. ^^' Sorry for the short chapter, but this was just how I divided the story up. XD Guys, I feel really at home on this site now. I just mastered how to navigate the upload chapter page so I don't have to click around trying to get to it anymore. Hehe~ You guys have all been so friendly, welcoming and supportive! :D I was really worried at first you guys would flame on me, but I feel like this is a safe place to be sharing Six Bullets with the rest of the DRRR! fandom. ^w^ ]]

[[ Okay, so this chapter was originally two seperate chapters, but I combined them because they were short. This time I promise I can give you up until Chapter 'Eight', which is actually Chapter Seven to you guys now (that's what I have typed up to at this point. ) After today, I may not be able to update daily, because I gotta get to typing it up and writing it, first. XD]]


	8. Chapter 7

"Ceelll-tttyyy~! Time for be-eed~!"  
The underground doctor's voice rang out, sing-song, naïve.  
He came up behind the couch and rubbed at the Dullahan's shoulders.  
[Okay. Just one minute, alright? I want to check the news.]  
She typed on her PDA, then it held up to him. He nodded, then sat down on the couch beside her.  
"Oh, I forgot... Izaya is still in the hospital, right?"  
[Yes.]  
"Kinda scary, huh? He always acted so untouchable, to think-"  
[Shh! It's back on!]  
The newscast on the TV returned from the commercial break wearing a somber expression.  
"A rather unfortunate turn came today regarding the shooting incident last week. The victim, twenty-three year old 'Nozomu Nakura' passed away earlier at Ikebukuro Medical Center."  
Shinra scowled.  
"Hey, knowing Izaya, don't you think it's a bit strange that he turned to a public hospital instead of coming to my clinic? Especially considering it was a shooting, I mean, that's my specialty... Izaya's real involved with the yakuza, right? So why would he-"  
But Celty apparently did not share his suspicions; silencing him with a well-aimed stomach jab.  
[SHH! Didn't you hear? He PASSED AWAY! He's dead!]  
"-Nakura-san was taken off life support around 7:30 PM after spending time with, quote, an 'old rival turned new friend', saying on his deathbed that 'he only wished they'd shaken hands sooner, because it would have saved the city a lot of property damage.' So brings a tragic end this story, but rest assured the Ikebukuro Police Force are doing all they can to track down and lock away the shooter. I'm Rika Onisuka, and you're watching King Televis-"  
Celty turned off the TV.  
Furrowing his brow, Shinra stroked at his chin thoughtfully.  
" 'Old rival' and 'property damage', huh?"  
But Celty had already put two and two together.

[CALL SHIZUO NOW.]

[[A/N: The song that inspired this particular scene is entitled 'Where is my Mind?' and its off of the Sucker Punch Original Soundtrack. If you're really fond of this story and want to experience the full effect of this scene, then check it out on Youtube. It's a good song. XD And I think it really suits the interactions between Shizuo and Celty in this chapter.]]

Six bullets in the chamber, the same gauge gun, make of bullet that took the information broker's life.

Coincidence?

Pressed to the underside of his chin.

Spin it.

Around and around, the chamber of the gun spun, ...

Russian Roulette.

Six bullets, six chambers in the gun.  
A one hundred percent chance of the trigger-squeeze killing him just like it did the ravenette.

Izaya spoke Russian. When he was alive.

Tom, he had given this gun to him years ago. For 'self-protection'. Been in his closet for ages now.

This was self-protection from a hateful world of hateful people where he did not belong.

The ice cold, black metal of the gun pressed to his skin sent chills throughout his body.

Ready to collapse.

And, trigger finger, trigger finger...  
Why are you shaking, god dammit...

No.  
A one hundred percent chance of him being chicken shit.

Fuck this. He couldn't do this.

"I can't do this..."

RING RING RING...

What the hell was that?

Oh.

Telephone.

RING RING RING...

Loud, obnoxious, blaring ring of the telephone.

RING RING RING...

It was annoying. Extremely annoying. He hated how annoying it was. Almost as much as he hated Iz-...

..Oh. That's right.

RING RING RING...

Ugh, just go to voicemail... Go to voicemail...

Nothing good could come out of a phone call this late at night, anyways.

Probably just some stupid telemarketer.

RING RING RING...

BEEEEEP.

Voicemail. Shinra's voice rang out through the static of the system.

Fucking Shinra...

"Uh, hey Shizuo... Me and Celty just caught the eleven o'clock news and... Well, we just wanted to check on you; make sure you were alright... So, uh, give us a call, okay...? I mean, Celty's really worried about you, and stuff, so... Wait, ah, Celty, Celty where are you going...? ... It's a little late, don't you think...? ... Oh, well, okay... Be careful, and, uh, put a jacket on or something! ... Okay, well, Shizuo...? Yeah... Celty's on her way over to your place, so... Sorry... heh."  
The recording ended with a click.  
Shizuo let his eyes fall closed and sighed; just laying there and waiting in the dark of the living room.

Only about ten minutes or so passed before there was a loud, rapid knock at the front door.  
He sat there for a few seconds longer, then tossed his feet over the side of the couch, slung the jacket over his arm and made his way to the door.  
He thought, for a moment, about how nice it would be if the person on the other side somehow turned out to be Izaya; but he knew very well that it wasn't going to be, so he was neither disappointed nor particularly happy when he opened the door to the Dullahan woman.  
He rubbed his eyes lethargically, scowling somewhat.  
"Urgh... Celty...? What are you doing here...? It's past eleven o'clock..."  
She threw his arms around his torso and hugged him.

"Ah, Celty...! What's gotten in to you...?"  
Releasing her embrace, she unzipped the front of her suit somewhat and pulled out her PDA.  
[Shizuo I was so worried about you!]  
She locked her arms around him; briefly, because this time he pulled himself away.  
"I'm fine. I don't know what you're so worried about." He spat. Her shoulders drooped a little.  
[We saw the news.]  
He didn't respond. She hesitated.  
[I know about Izaya. I know what happened between you two...!]  
He pushed her PDA away and shook his head. There was an expression in his eyes that she had rarely ever seen there before; he looked genuinely hurt. She noticed the jacket he was holding close, and knew that she had said something she shouldn't have.  
"N-No, Celty. You don't... You DON'T know what happened between me and him."  
[I don't understand what you mean.] She typed in, after a long moment of thought. He bit at his bottom lip, clutching at the fur-lined jacket as a source of comfort.  
"Celty... When I... When I was with him earlier, I realized that, he was just as lost and alone as I was... And then..." He trailed off, staring at the ground, his last two words uttered at barely a whisper.  
['And then' what?] She inquired.  
He smirked painfully, swallowing a few times. She waited for him to continue, unsure of what she should expect.  
[Shizuo...?]  
"Celty, can you tell me what you would do if Shinra were to just drop dead on you...?"  
She thought his words over for a while.  
[I'm not sure...] He stood up a little straighter.  
[I don't really think I get what you're trying to say... Me and Shinra, well, I love him.]  
But when she lowered her PDA she found him staring at her; eyes filled with a bittersweet sort of emotion that she recognized immediately.  
He'd known her for long enough, he was able to read her body language and what different feelings they portrayed. He knew the sudden stiffening of her figure and the burst of smoke that puffed from just underneath her helmet indicated that she had realized what he meant. He nodded slowly, continuing to stare at her.  
[You... And Izaya.] She typed in, as though she had to say it 'out loud' (in her own way) in order for it to be true. He nodded again.  
"Yes."  
[How long?]  
And in response to her question he smirked, rubbing his temples somewhat.  
"Ehh... From around eight o'clock today, and probably for the rest of my life..."  
[I'm so sorry, Shizuo.]  
"There's not anything you can do, so don't be."  
[Do you want to stay at our place tonight?]  
The blonde swallowed, shifting his weight a bit, leaning on the doorframe.  
"I don't want to be a burden..."  
[You're one of my closest friends. You are never a burden, Shizuo. Ever. I'm here for you, and I always will be. I don't think you should have to be alone tonight. Not after what happened...]  
He bit his bottom lip softly, then embraced her.  
"Thank you so much, Celty..."

[It's nothing. I will always be there for you. No matter what happens, I will be there for you. I promise.]

[[ LEAVE ME REVIEWS OR I WILL EAT YOUR UNBORN CHILDREN. ]]


	9. Chapter 8

She led him into the apartment, just happy that her friend was  
alright. Once he was indoors and illuminated by the light bulbs and  
such, she could see how much his persona had deteriorated.  
He was underdressed, oddly. His usual weskit and vest were replaced  
with a stained T-shirt and cotton sweat peats, mismatched socks, no sunglasses, making the swollen red skin around his eyes all the more  
noticeable. He even was holding himself differently, instead of the  
usual, hands in pockets, shoulders thrown back, superior posture he was recognized for; he was slouching, head facing down, knees buckled  
and bent, and always clinging to the jacket he'd refused to leave his  
house without. Shinra and her both watched his awkward figure perch itself on the very corner of their couch, light up three cigarettes at  
one time, and stuff them all into his mouth.

But neither one said a word.

Celty slipped off to get an extra blanket from the hall closet, and  
Shinra followed her.  
"You had every right to be worried, Celty. I won't be doubting you again."  
She simply shrugged and pulled a fleece blanket down off of the shelf.  
[I just... I knew something was wrong.]  
Shinra dipped his head in acknowledgement.  
"Dullahans must have some sort of extra-sensory perception, huh?"  
[No... I just... I really worry for those two. I hated it when they  
fought, it was so awful... I didn't understand why anyone would want  
to hurt someone else so badly... I always would step in and try to  
make them stop.. But I'd rather have them trying to kill each other  
than have to see him so torn up like this. i just wish there was a way

to stop him from feeling like this.]  
Shinra smiled sadly.  
"I know he's your friend, but you have to let things work out over  
time... He'll get better."  
[I don't think that's entirely true. Things will never go back to the  
way they were before. Izaya's not coming back, but he played such a  
big part in Shizuo's life... Even more so now...]  
"Oh?"  
[There was more to them than you or me ever knew, Shinra...] But  
Shinra shook his head.  
"I knew. I've known for a while. Not so much about how Shizuo felt,  
but... Izaya himself confided in me, many a time."  
[What? Izaya? ... But why?]  
"This might be a surprise to you, but he never had many friends. When  
we were in school together, I did something no one had ever done  
before. I went up to him, said hello, told him my name and asked him  
for his. I showed him simple human courtesy, and he was thankful for  
that." Shinra paused for a moment, smiling as he pushed up his  
glasses.  
"Celty, can you ever recall a time when I actually paid for his  
information? He looks after my clinic and 'gets rid of' anyone who  
threatens me. And... I never told you this, but he set up a contract  
so that in the event of his death, a whole one million yen, plus all  
of his savings, would be anonymously wired to my bank account within  
three hours.  
The cloud of smoke that came from her neck was just as efficient as an  
actual gasp.  
[A MILLION YEN?]  
Shinra nodded again, then brought up the information for his bank  
account on his iPhone. He watched as Celty grew quite befuddled over  
the (much smaller) number on the screen.  
[That's not a million yen.]  
"Exactly. So that means he isn't dead."  
She did not react for quite some time  
[So... Are you saying that Shizuo is lying?] This time Shinra shook his head, his spiky mess of brown hair tossed about.  
"No... I don't think he COULD lie about something like that, and fake  
his appearance like that, too."  
[So he BELIEVES Izaya is dead, even though he really isn't.]  
"I think that Izaya faked his own death in front of him, and Shizuo  
believed him."  
As much as she hated to admit it, this new explanation her betrothed  
was coming up with made more sense than the original story she'd  
heard.  
[But why?]  
"Celty, you said yourself, there is more to the two of them than you  
and I will ever know. Plus, you know how twisted Izaya can be  
sometimes. Really, none of this surprises me. It was only a matter of  
time before Izaya figured out a way to target and manipulate Shizuo  
just like he does with those teenage girls he meets on the internet."  
[ . . . . . . I understand. ]  
Shinra put a hand on her shoulder.  
"For now, we need to take a step back and let things work out on their  
own. I don't know where this is going, and I don't want you to get  
caught in the middle of it. You could get really hurt, Celty. Both of  
them can be very dangerous, and I just want you to be safe. So don't  
mention any of this to Shizuo, okay?"  
[But... what if he gets hurt?]  
"You still need to stay out of it. But I don't think Izaya has the  
nerve to kill him or anything like that, anyway. He's too selfish; I'm  
sure he wants to keep Shizuo all to himself."  
[I don't like this...]  
"It's out of our hands, Celty. This is between Shizuo and Izaya, and  
we have to respect that. I'm asking you, for both theirs, yours, and  
my sanity's sake; to please, please not get involved."

[ ... Alright. I won't.]  
"Promise?" Shinra piped, a little too cheerfully. Celty socked him  
straight in the face without the slightest hesitation.

[I promise.]

Shinra returned to his feet and hugged her genuinely.  
"I love you, you know."  
She did not respond, but she returned his embrace for a few moments,  
then took the fleece blanket out into the living room and draped it  
over the blonde on the couch.  
"Oh... thank you, Celty..." He murmured, a bit wide-eyed.  
She sat down on the couch and leaned against him, draping an arm over  
his shoulder, holding her PDA out in front of him even while she  
typed.  
He wasn't quite sure how to respond to this new form of affection. She  
had always cared about him, and he knew that the only reason her  
kindness had extended to such physical contact was because she was  
truly sympathetic and wanted to comfort him. He had never really  
considered the Dullahan woman in a sexual manner, beautiful as he  
thought her to be, because of how close he was to Shinra. He knew just  
how much the underground doctor loved this woman, and even in the  
privacy of his own mind, Shizuo had always labeled her as 'Shinra's'  
and 'not to touch'. But now, even as innocent as her intentions might  
have been, he was all-too-aware of how close her arms pulled his body  
against her own, of how her breasts were pressed up to the side of his  
head as she leaned over his tall figure to see her phone, of how far  
her vinyl motorcycle suit was zipped down and just how much cleavage  
it exposed.  
And it was all making him much too uncomfortable.  
But it was not because he was feeling tempted to touch her or aroused  
by her proximity. The only thoughts going through his mind were  
focused on how she was intruding on what belonged to Izaya, and if  
Izaya would be jealous if he were here to see this, if Izaya would be  
angry with him, or heartbroken… Izaya, Izaya, Izaya.  
Shinra came into the room, sat down in the Lay-Z-Boy chair and began  
flipping casually through the channels on the television.

Izaya…

[Shizuo… you know I care about you, right?]

Izaya…

He swallowed harshly, nodding.  
Why wasn't Shinra doing anything? Couldn't he see that his girlfriend  
was coming on to him?

Izaya…!

[You're welcome to stay here as long as you like, you know… I don't  
mind at all…]

Izaya….

He shifted a little, trying to get away from her, but he was already  
at the very corner of the couch. He shivered a little.  
[I will always be here for you, Shizuo. Always…]  
He just couldn't take it anymore.  
"CELTY I AM GAY AND YOU ARE MAKING ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE."  
He shouted, and extending his arms straight out as to shove the woman  
away. Both the Dullahan and the doctor jumped about six feet, startled  
by the sudden outburst.  
He'd thrown Celty back so far her rear end missed the couch cushion  
and she landed butt-first on the floor.  
"Jesus, Shizuo!" Shinra exclaimed.  
It didn't take Shizuo all too long to realize he'd overreacted to his  
friend's gesture, especially after Shinra's reaction.  
"Sorry, sorry, ah, Celty! I didn't mean that! I didn't hurt you, did  
I?" He blurted.  
She sat there on the floor for a few moments, then began tapping away  
on her PDA without getting up.

[Shizuo… You really loved him, didn't you?]

The blonde swallowed.  
"I still… I still love him. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to flip out like  
that. You were only trying to make me feel safe here."  
[I feel so sorry for you.] She typed on the PDA, standing up and  
brushing herself off.  
[I wish none of this had ever happened.]  
Shizuo sighed, closing his eyes.  
"I know… I do too… Listen, I'm gonna try and get some sleep, okay?"  
Celty dipped what 'head' (or rather, neck) she had and Shinra led her  
out of the room, an all-too-knowing, sad smile on his face.

[[Argh, is the formatting weird on this one? I had to changed computers in the middle of typing this, so I ended up having to eMail it to myself. DX It was a real bitch, too. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed, and please leave me reviews! :D ]]


	10. Chapter 9

Well, did _you get _it back?" Izaya hissed, arms folded over his chest and expression scowling.

"Nope." Namie replied, her tone uncaring. She organized some of the pens that were scattered on the desk in front of him. "I had my guys drop into his apartment last night after he left, but they didn't find it."

She stood on her toes and closed the window blinds, shutting out the morning light from the office. The bright sunshine was much too cheery for her tastes.

Izaya snarled in discontent, leaning back in the leather office chair.

Well fuck you, Namie. This is all YOUR fault."

She cocked one of her sculpted eyebrows.

" MY fault? Oh, PLEASE. YOU were the one who planned that whole elaborate scheme to mess with him. There was NO reason for it; you didn't make ANY money and you didn't gather ANY information we could actually USE."

He stuck his tongue out and made a face at her.

"I should FIRE you, Namie."

"You won't. You said so yourself. You need my connections to Nebra and Yagiri Pharmaceuticals. Without me, you'd be nothing but a stank-ass information broker living in a shit-hole."

He glared at her, deeply angered.

"As if YOU would be off any better."

She only rolled her eyes.

"Freak."

He narrowed his eyes then spun in the chair and began typing on his laptop. She walked over to the coffee maker and scooped some of the grounds into the brewer.

"Would you like a cup?" She asked, voice still hateful.

"I have tea. And you would probably spit in it, anyway."

"Probably." She took a seat on the sleek, black leather love-seat on one side of the room and pulled a book out of her purse.

"Question." She announced after a few minutes of listening to his rapid-fire clicking and keyboard typing. He logged into his favorite chat room. It was nearly empty; only two people were online, and one of them was Setton. He bit his bottom lip. Surely they had already seen his username show up in the Online box.

"I'm listening."

[KANRA:/ Hey everyone~ Did you guys miss me? ]

[TARO TANAKA:/ Oh, hey Kanra. ]

[SETTON:/ I didn't think you would be online today, Kanra. I'm surprised. ]

"Why?" Namie inquired.

"Hm? What do you mean, 'why'?"

[KANRA:/ And why is that, Setton? :) ]

[SETTON:/ You're smart enough to know. ]

[TARO TANAKA:/ Uh, did I miss something? What's going on? Is it still in the chat records? ]

[SETTON:/ So, did you see the news last night, Kanra?]

[KANRA:/ No, no I did not. If you may recall, I was a bit preoccupied. I was WITH someone. ]

[TARO TANAKA:/ Uh, how about you two take this to PM. Let's change the subject; it's really awkward for me... :I ]

[SETTON:/ You're so disgusting! ]

[TARO TANAKA:/ Ugh, you know what. I'm just gonna log out. I'll check back in later. ]

[SYSTEM MESSAGE: TARO TANAKA HAS LOGGED OUT OF THE CHAT ROOM.]

[KANRA:/ Oh, I suppose I'm in trouble now. :) ]

"Why did you do it, Izaya?" Namie asked finally.

[SETTON:/ What the hell is wrong with you. ]

"Why did I do it? Because it was fun. That's why. Why so curious all of the sudden?"

[KANRA:/ Oh, ouch. That's mean, you know. ]

"Because I think there's more to it than just 'fun', Izaya."

[SETTON:/ Taking advantage of people like you took advantage of him, is mean. ]

[KANRA:/ I don't know what you're talking about. ]

[SETTON:/ Liar. ]

[KANRA:/ What is it to you, anyway? ]

[SETTON:/ He's my friend. ]

[KANRA:/ Oh, I forgot. Monsters have to stick together, now don't they? ]

"More to it, you say?"

[SETTON:/ If anyone is the monster here, it's YOU. ]

[KANRA:/ Wow, harsh.~ ]

[SETTON:/ How could you DO that? ]

'Yes, more to it. Izaya, you are OBSESSED with him."

[KANRA:/ It really wasn't hard. ]

[SETTON:/ I don't think you understand what you've done to him. He's absolutely torn apart. ]

[KANRA:/ So I finally brought the brute down, huh? Haha~! Fantastic! Guess that means I win~ ]

'I'm not obsessed."

[SETTON:/ You're horrible! He's over here, distraught and heartbroken, grieving and absolutely convinced he' s in love with you. And you don't even care. ]

"Then prove it."

[KANRA:/ Oh, he's over there with you? Good. Tell him I want my ******* jacket back. ]

[SYSTEM MESSAGE: WARNING. PROFANITY IS PROHIBITED WITHIN THE CHAT ROOM.]

"And how would I go about doing that?"

[SETTON:/ Alright. I took the keyboard from her. This is Kishitani. ]

[KANRA:/ Shinra-san? ]

[SETTON:/ You know, this is low; even for you. ]

[KANRA:/ You wouldn't understand... ]

"Figure it out yourself."

[SETTON:/ I understand that your actions were disgusting , malicious and cruel. ]

[KANRA:/ But you know how I feel about him. ]

[SETTON:/ That I do, but that still isn't any excuse to use someone like that. You're my friend, yes, and even though I disagree with a lot of the things that you do, I still stand aside and keep my nose out of it. But this is different, okay? This time you are hurting one of Celty's friends. She doesn't have many of those. This time you're not just hurting some stranger, you're hurting Celty, too. And I cannot let you do that. No matter how you feel, or how close of friends the two of us are. ]

[KANRA:/ But you know that's the only way I can get close to him! He hates me! ]

[SETTON:/ That's not true and you know it. ]

[KANRA:/ Wait, what do you mean? What's not true? That that's the only way I can be near him, or that he hates me? ]

[SYSTEM MESSAGE: SETTON HAS LOGGED OUT OF THE CHAT ROOM. ]

Izaya slammed the laptop closed and shouted in frustration, then banged his head repeatedly on the black ivory desk.

And Namie said nothing at all.

[[Argh, sorry about the late update, guys. :/ The season's been changing over here, and I came down with the worst allergy attack I've ever had. My eyelids hurt like a son of a bitch, my sinuses are swollen, my nose is streaming and stuffed, both of my eardrums are popped, I lost my voice, I'm getting bad headaches, my neck is all stiff and I was having a hard time breathing. I had a hell of a time getting up out of bed this morning, but I forced myself to get up anyways. After I struggled through breakfast and got to moving around the house some, I began to feel a little better. So I went ahead and started typing.  
Its a little after lunch right now, and I'll try to keep on typing for a bit longer. Maybe I can get another chapter up. Not sure, though. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this one, at least! ^-^'' ]]


	11. Chapter 10

Several weeks meandered by.

Life in Ikebukuro kept on going.

People went on with their lives.

Saburo kept on waxing his van. Erika and Walker kept obsessing over new manga releases. Kadota kept on being Kadota. Shinra and Celty were just fine.

Simon kept on advertising for Russia Sushi.

Izaya watched from his office window dozens of stories above the city. In absolute disgust.

None of his humans even cared that he was gone.

They just kept on going with their lives, walking up and down the Ikebukuro streets just as they always had.

He didn't even matter at all.

He watched as the blonde former bartender crossed the Ikebukuro/Shinjuku border and entered HIS part of the city. He watched him sit down on the bus stop bench just outside his office building.

And just sit there.

And sit there. And sit there.

This had become almost a daily ritual.

Every day the blonde would come to Shinjuku and sit there on that bus bench.

Like he was waiting for something.

But he never got on the bus, never went inside the office building.

He would just sit there. For hours.

And then the next minute Izaya would look and he'd be gone.

Poof.

This ritual annoyed Izaya to no end.

It meant that he would have to stay out of the window to avoid Shizuo seeing and recognizing him. And it meant that he could not watch his humans as they passed by.

This was about the twentieth time that this had happened, and Izaya was sick of it.

This time, when the blonde sat down, the ravenette recognized the fur-lined jacket he was wearing.

And he decided that enough was enough.

Izaya's anger was not at all like Shizuo's.

Whereas the blonde would just explode violently and dump it all out of his system after a set amount of frustration; when Izaya became angry he held it in, bottled it up over time underneath the surface, let it ferment in his being, rot, twist and contort until it became something truly ugly.

Toxic.

And that's just what was happening now.

Boiled over to the point he was without a second though, the information broker tossed it all out of the window, tore down several flights of stairs and stormed across the street below.

And Shizuo couldn't believe what he was seeing.

He blinked, and there was a figure on the other side of the road.

Thin, pale, with long legs...

At first he did not recognize him at all, without his trademark jacket.

And then he thought he was seeing things.

He rubbed his eyes, but the figure was still there, and it was coming closer and closer with each passing second and then;

"Oi! Ya fuckin' brute!" It was his beautiful voice.

His beautiful voice swearing angrily at him and calling him awful names and it was Izaya...!

He bolted up from the bus seat and ran to him.

He couldn't believe his eyes. His Izaya, perfectly healthy, on his feet, walking, and then coming to a dead halt in the middle of the street and his gorgeous crimson eyes widening in absolute horror and that perfect, melodic voice filling his ears and he screamed at the top of his lungs;

"SHIZUO! LOOK OUT! TRUCK!"

Oh, yes. Shizuo saw Izaya, and Izaya saw him, as well as the speeding delivery truck, but Shizuo was so caught up in seeing Izaya again that he didn't see that truck until a split second too late.

And then all he saw were stars.

Shizuo hit the front end of the truck and was tossed into the air, rolling up over the windshield and the roof of the vehicle before colliding with the asphalt at the information broker's feet, with a sickening, skin-crawling wet crunch.

Izaya winced.

But a second later the blonde former bartender was back on his feet and her was hugging and embracing and squeezing him tight, forgetting completely of his strength to such a point that Izaya was sure his head was going to pop off like the cap on a tube of toothpaste, except instead of minty dental hygienic goodness it would be his intestines that squirted out everywhere.

"FUCK IZAYA I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH THANK GOD YOU'RE ALIVE I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU AGAIN I WON'T EVER LET ANYONE TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME AVER AGAIN!"

"Dah...mmit... let... go...!" Izaya gasped. Shizuo flushed slightly and released his hold. But he couldn't help himself, and within a few moments he was back to hugging again.

"Thank god you're okay, Izaya! I didn't know what to do...! I'm so happy, we can pick up right where we left off and we can be together like we were meant to be.:

Izaya swallowed harshly. All he could think about was what Namie had said.

Though tempting, this was a lie.

"Sh... Shizuo."

"Yes?" The blonde responded, pulling back from the hug and staring at him, mocha eyes blissful, but curious.

Izaya hesitated only for a moment.

" 'Want my goddamn jacket back."

The former bartender laughed a bit, heartily, then embraced him again.

"Shizuo. Give it back." He growled. Shizuo gave him a confused and rather hurt sort of look; not understanding why the information broker was not excited and happy and relieved to be reunited, like he was.

"What... Izaya-kun?"

The ravenette tugged aggressively on the hood of the jacket, trying to tear it off of the blonde.

"GIMME MY FUCKIN' JACKET, YOU GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT!"

Shizuo's wounded eyes wavered only for a moment before he smashed his fist into the other's face, with enough force he was sent sprawling to the ground.

See, he'd figured it out, now.

Why he had been 'the only one' who'd visited him at the hospital.

Why the nurse had let him take him out of the hospital when he was supposedly on life support.

Why Izaya had refused to be undressed.

Why when he had proclaimed his affections, Izaya had shut him down and demanded to be returned to the hospital.

Why he hadn't heard anything from Mairu or Kururi in regards to their older brother's death.

Why there had been no leads in the search for the shooter.

Why there hadn't been a funeral service held for him.

And why he was perfectly fine, standing on his own two feet as of now.

It was because Izaya had never been injured in the first place.

Izaya had lied about all of it, for the sole purpose of manipulating him just like he was so notorious for doing.

And Shizuo, for some unimaginable reason, had believed every word that has escaped those greasy lips.

He'd been used.

The blonde ripped the jacket from him figure and threw it on the ground next to where the information broker lay.

"TAKE your motherfucking jacket back, you fucking LIAR."

And then he ran for it; pushing and shoving past people on the crowded sidewalks and screaming at the top of his lungs for them to all get the fucking hell out of his way.

Izaya brought himself to his feet, brushed himself off, picked up the jacket, put his arms back through the fur-cuffed sleeves, crossed the street and headed back into the office building without a second glance.

[[Thank you for reading~! ^^ I hope you enjoyed reading this scene, and would love to hear what you were thinking when you read it. For those who have been following this story, I thank you especially, because it's support like that that motivates me to keep writing. :) ]]


	12. Chapter 11

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

. . . . . . . . . .

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

. . . . . . . . . .

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

He heard the sound of the front doorknob jiggling, but he made no move to get up and answer it. It was locked; and it was going to stay that way.

After a few more moments of silence, he opened one mocha eye and watched as a thin tendril of black shadow slipped underneath the front door, moved across the kitchen floor, up the table leg and to his keys, took hold of then and retracted back to where it had come from.

He put a pillow over his head and tried to block out the sounds of the door being unlocked from the outside and someone's footsteps as they walked right into his apartment; even closing the door behind them.

But he still felt the plush couch cushion dip as they sat down beside him. Still felt that person's hand as it moved across his back and shoulders in a comforting manner.

When he finally did decide to open his eyes, Celty's PDA was already waiting in front of him.

[Hey... This time I really do know what happened.]

He stared quietly at the screen for some time, wanting to say something smart like, 'Oh yeah? Tell me what you 'think' you know, then.'

But he just couldn't muster up the strength.

He tossed the pillow aside and buried himself in her awaiting embrace.

"He lied! He lied and I fucking fell for it. I'm so friggin' STUPID!"

[You're not stupid, Shizuo. Don't say that. You just... have too big of a heart for your own good, y'know that?]

"..."

She leaned back and gave a small puff of smoke to represent a sigh.

[I can't even begin to comprehend what you must be going through right now.]

"I hate him." Came the blunt reply.

[We know, Shizuo. We know.]

"God, I hate him so much...!"

[We know...]

He tried to steady his breathing, swallowing a few times. She waited patiently until he felt that he was calm and steady enough to speak further.

"I just... I wanted it to be true so badly... I thought I finally had someone I could love without hurting, y'know...? Izaya has been the person I've been closest to for almost ten years, now... Since high school, I mean... We've been fighting... Fighting for almost ten years, and I'd barely laid a scratch on him in all that time... So... When he approached me, like that, earlier... I thought that I could finally be happy. It made sense to me, somehow... I thought that maybe it had been him all along, and that of course, I would able to love him without hurting him, just as I had been able to hate without hurting him... But, I should have known... It was all too good to be true... No one wants to love a monster like me, not even HIM."

[Shizuo... Life can be cruel sometimes, you know that? It may seem that there's nowhere to turn, but that doesn't mean you should give up, either. I've been trying my hardest for so long now, as my personal battle, to try and make people see that being different isn't always a bad thing. You'll find your place and your happiness eventually, I just know it... You are not a monster...]

Celty's response came after a long period of thinking. She was very proud of her reply, and felt that she had finally, clearly conveyed to her troubled friend the answers and outlooks he needed to consider. However, he did not seem to give her words all too much thought, practically rejecting them with circumstantial conditions and reasoning.

"Psssh! Says the one with no head." The blonde sneered, making a face.

If she had any lips, she would have been pinching them together.

[That's not the point, though...]

"Still."

She didn't respond for a short while; trying to think of a way that she could explain herself to the, apparently quite thick-headed, former bartender.

[So, you're just going to let this bring you down? You're just going to sit there and wallow in self pity for the rest of your life?]

He nodded stubbornly without looking at her.

[Figures. That's exactly what Izaya wants. I shouldn't have doubted that he would have thought of everything and planned it all out to be sure you played right into his hand. ]

"What did you say...?" He hissed, voice a little stronger. A brief glimpse of his old, audacious self. Celty felt her hopes uplift; she was actually making progress. She kept on picking.

[I'm just pointing out how smart he is. I mean, he's reduced his arch-enemy to nothing but a quibbling teenage girl. ]

He stood up abruptly from the couch and pointed his index finger at her.

"HEY. I AM -NOT-, QUIBBLING LIKE A TEENAGE GIRL." He blurted, voice booming.

[Oh really?] She wasn't fazed, apparently.

He scowled, furrowing his eyebrows slightly.

"It's more complicated than that."

[That may be so but you're still giving him exactly what he wants. ] Shizuo cracked his knuckles.

"Gonna GIVE him a beating of a lifetime...!"

If she had a head, she would have been smiling ear-to-ear. She clapped her hands together excitedly.

[THAT'S the Shizuo I know...! :D ]

"This time, he's REALLY gonna have to spend the rest of his godforsaken life in a wheelchair, once I get through with him!"

[That's the spirit!]

He got up from the couch, on that notion, and made his way for the front door. Half-way there, he stopped short and turned around.

"...Hey."

[Yes?]

"... You did that on purpose, didn't you? You said those things to help get me out of my funk."

[ Maybe~ :) ]

He smiled genuinely, embracing her once more.

"...Thanks."

. . . . . . . . .

"I got my jacket back." Izaya announced, somewhat casually. Back at the office again, the afternoon of the next day.

Namie shrugged her shoulders and flipped a page in her book, licking her thumb.

"Don't care."

Izaya bit at his bottom lip.

" 'Cept he'd been wearing it around, so now it stinks like his damn cigarettes. I've tried everything, but I can't get the smell out."

"Stop talking to me."  
He let out a small sigh and leaned back in his chair, then began wiggling his rear end a bit to spin in the swivel.

"God, please don't tell me you're going to start ranting about humanity again." Namie sneered.

"No, I'll spare you the pain."

"Mhn."

"Namie... Question." He said slowly, turning the tables a bit. She looked up from her book, undoubtedly interested, despite her demeanor.

"Yes...?"

He hesitated for a moment.

"I want to know how you express love. As in, you personally."

She put her bookmark in between the pages and set her book aside.

"How I express love?"

"Yes."

She seemed to think this over for a long time.

"Well, you know that I love Seiji."

"That I do."

" I guess... by looking out for him. Caring for him, doing things for him, cleaning up after his messes." Namie replied after pondering for a while. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, just curious. Your brother... He doesn't feel the same way about you, now does he?"

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"No. He loves that head of yours. You know that."

"So, even though you know he will never return your affections, you still love him just the same... correct?"

"Yes." She retorted, folding her arms.

"And do you think that is behavior that would be considered, 'normal'?"

She held her breath for a moment.

"...No. No, I do not. But these feelings... They are out of my control. I cannot just 'stop' loving my brother. Even if I know it will never be."

Izaya got up from his chair and made his way over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. The glint of his ring in the light caught her eye. She winced and drew away from his touch, sneering in disgust, but she was respectful and wise enough to still give him her full attention. Izaya leaned in close to her, parting some of her hair away with a single finger, and Namie felt his cold lips brush against the shell of her ear. It sent uncomfortable chills coursing up her spine, but she remained still all the same.

"Well now, Miss Namie... Perhaps then, we are not truly that different, after all."

She leaned away from him some.

"What are you trying to say?"

His eyebrows raised slightly. There was none of his usual, smug, sassy demeanor. His expression was quite readable. His mouth held a small, jaws-parted frown, his crimson eyes half-lidded and somber, his voice quiet and whispery.

"Namie... Is it really not that obvious...?"

Her brow furrowed slightly.

"You're talking about that Heiwajima fellow, aren't you." She reasoned, but it was more of a statement than an inquiry. His expression softened even more; a gentle smirk, and then a small, almost guilty smile.

"Yes. You really are sharp, now..."

She addressed him in a flat, unsympathetic tone.

"Tch, good luck with THAT. If you and your greasy self had any chance with that at all, you've ruined it now with the whole hospital scandal. That freak despises you now more than ever."

Izaya sat back down in his chair, folding his hands in his lap and closing his eyes, continuing to smile faintly. He almost appeared innocent, now. Innocent, and yet wise. Void of that manipulating, conniving nature, at least for the moment; he was undoubtedly beautiful.

It was his mentality, certainly not his looks, that made him such an ugly, hideous person.

"I know that, Namie... But, you see, that is the only way that I know how to express my love." He paused, exhaling a long breath.

"Hurting others is the only way I have learned to love them... Perhaps, perhaps you could blame that on my upbringing, but that is beside the point for now, at least. I hurt humans simply because I love them so much. And that is why I have always gone out of my way to hurt Mr. Shizu-chan the very most of them all. Plus, the more and more I make him hate me, well, the more of his attention is seized and devoted to me. Negative attention is always better than no attention at all."

Namie, however, wasn't buying into it.

"And what happens when, say, someone comes along and takes him from you? What happens when he falls in love with some girl, and he gets married and forgets about you. You'll lose your favorite human play-thing."

Izaya bit his bottom lip, clenching his fists ever so slightly.

"...No. That cannot happen. Shizu-chan is not a real human. He is a monster. And no one, no one is able to love a monster except for another monster. Life is not a Disney movie."

[[...Can I have some props for Namie in this 'fic? ^^ Truth be told, she's a bit of a bitchy character, and at times she can be a little too stubborn and... bitchy, but I really like her in this fanfic. She adds a lot to it, I think. As always, you guys know how much I love my reviews; so give them to me and I'll love you, too! ^-^'' That sounded so corny. Bye for now~! ]]


	13. Chapter 12

If you could just see my heart, you'd see we're all the same...

O O O

He; the blonde, was just lounging around in his apartment now. Lying in bed, trying to come to terms with his feelings.  
Love. Is that what this was? This feeling?  
Maybe? Yes.  
It had always been this way.  
It was twisted and sick, yes, but really, it had been Izaya all along.  
Izaya, and no one else.  
He'd been infatuated, obsessed with the all the hatred, which wasn't all too far from being infatuated and obsessed with Izaya himself.  
All he wanted was security, for once in his life.  
All he wanted was to be like everyone else. Just wanted to be normal. To be accepted, to have friends, to have a lover, maybe even a family.  
He just wanted to be able to hold someone else, sigh, sleep, touch, and have someone to confide in.

O O O

Izaya too, was sitting there, laying awake in bed.  
Thinking about the other...  
Ugh. Damn monster.  
He's screwed everything up, he had.  
Shizuo wasn't supposed to... to fall in love with him; that's not how the game was played.  
Izaya wasn't exactly sure what he'd wanted Shizuo to do instead of that, but still. Even so.  
He'd always, always been infatuated with the monster.  
Ever since they first met.  
'You piss me off.'  
Yeah. The blonde had rejected him the moment he'd laid eyes on him.  
'...Well, that's just too bad. We could'a had some real fun together...'  
He couldn't bear the thought of being ignored, of not being a part of his life.  
So he'd weaseled his way in.  
Made Shizuo hate him.  
Made Shizuo hate him so much that not a minute could pass without him thinking about him, him and how much he hated him.  
He HAD to be the center of Shizuo's attention,even if that meant he had to make the blonde despise him with a passion.  
It was never enough.

O O O

It was the type of thing he'd realized he wanted. Not just in a sexual nature, either.  
Izaya thrilled him, brought him excitement and things that he never could expect. He was so lively and childish, and yet wise beyond his years.  
The way he looked at things was so very different than how Shizuo saw things himself, and as the blonde had become spiteful towards a world that could not handle or comprehend his being, he needed a new outlook.

O O O

Scrambling, he found his jacket and dug around in its pockets.  
See, the blonde had been wearing it around, and he'd left his cell phone in the inside pocket.  
Izaya began to rapidly go through the text messages, in particular the ones that were addressed to Celty.  
He felt his eyes tear up painfully as he read over the messaging, of the blonde confessing how much he loved and how much he needed him. The opportunity Izaya had missed for his sanctuary. Spite had tainted his mind and shadowed his feelings, and he'd broken the other's heart in an attempt to protect his own. Now Izaya's was without shielding, he knew exactly how he felt. But the scars he'd given Shizuo were not going to heal.  
Shizuo told Celty of contemplations of suicide, while she texted back, reassuring him everything was going to wash away eventually and that there would be better times, that suicide was not the path the 'deceased' information broker would have wanted him to take.  
That BITCH Dullahan. How did SHE know what HE wanted for Shizuo, huh?  
The next messages told stories of anger and rage, of wounds and realizations of betrayal. The names Izaya was being called by the other whom he longed for pained him even more than the old declarations of love had.  
And after that, the texts showed proof of healing and his recovering. Of Shizuo moving on and trying to put those beautiful emotions behind him, of Celty encouraging his wounds sewing closed and suggesting an internet dating website.

O O O

Shizuo stared at the ceiling for a long time, and he tried to put through in his mind the events he had shared with the other whilst he was still under the impression of Izaya's intentions being pure of heart.  
It hurt to think about them. It hurt to replay Izaya's phrases of solemn sincerity, reflections and acceptance for death and know each bittersweet word escaping his lips was a lie.  
That he had been deceitful, that he had not meant a single word.  
But at the same time, he loved the man who spoke them.  
That was the Izaya he had fallen in love with, the Izaya he still longed for now.  
He remembered the playful reflections of high school days, the shared pain in the hospital, the kiss at the gazebo.  
The way Izaya had stared into his eyes with all the remorse and bittersweet regret in the world, the way his pale fingers had reached behind his ear, taken the arm of his sunglasses and let his fingertips trail down the bridge of his nose as he slid them off of his face, tucked them gingerly into his vest pocket and leaned in...

O O O

Izaya began to grow more distraught as he searched the cell phone's contacts for his own number. Just any sort of recognition, that the blonde had made a point to note his existence. He went through the list over and over, but it was no there.  
Ha checked the phone's 'blocked' numbers last, even though he'd known on a heartbroken whim that it would be there all along.

His number, and his number alone on the list.  
Under [NO NAME LISTED].  
Shizuo didn't even think he deserved a name.

Izaya cried out weakly and let the phone fall from his fingers to the floor.  
He buried his face into the mattress, on his knees with his rear end in the air, he stuffed a hand into his boxer shorts and grabbed a hold of his length, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks and the sides of his face.  
"Sh-Sh-Shizu-chan...! Ahah, Shizu-chan...!"  
he voice was weak and emotional, and it wasn't long before he was sobbing into the bedsheets, a blubbering mess of himself, reduced to something so human, so shameful.

O O O

He had to admit, he was psychically attracted to the information broker, without a doubt.  
When he thought about what had happened in the apartment in Shinjuku, he got aroused.  
His thin figure, his pale skin and lithe body, just slightly muscled. His jawline, carved, narrow and fox-like, high cheekbones, cat-like ruby red eyes that sparkled with a mischief he never fully understood.  
The way Izaya had sat in his lap and held onto his shoulders while they...  
His heavy lidded crimson eyes, the red flush in his cheeks, the way his hair had stuck to his sweat dampened forehead, how his mouth had hung open and gaped as Izaya gasped and moaned and begged for his pleasuring.  
He didn't ever think he would be attracted to someone of the same sex like that.  
The information broker had been more beautiful than any woman he'd taken to bed, or seen on the street, or on modeling TV shows, the internet, or even in dirty magazines.  
It was a different form of beauty than he'd been raised on.  
No voluptuous breasts or curves, which he, like so many other men, had been taught to think of as 'sexy.' And yet a flat board, male's chest, narrow figure and slender hips had turned him on for loops, and even still continued to do so.  
Most of it was left to his imagination. He had never actually seen Izaya fully nude, though it was certainly an image that frequented his fantasies.  
And really, it always had.  
Even before any of this 'love' stuff or this whole scandal; he'd found himself secretly envisioning himself and the ravenette, just wondering what it might be like. Curiosity.  
Bare-skinned, him and Izaya, entangled tightly together, just and much physically and emotionally.  
Enveloped in one another, forgetting about everything other than the other person.

That was all he thought about.

O O O

Izaya tugged half-heartedly on the limp of his flesh until he became aroused, now the chains of pathetic sobs he emitted were periodically interrupted with feeble, shaky moans.  
"Shizuo... Sh-Shizuo...! I n-need you...!" Whimpering to himself, he dug around in the nightstand drawer until he pulled a long shiny black phallus-shaped object.  
" I just want you to love me...! "  
He murmured, sniffling slightly. Whining.  
"Am I really that disgusting? The whole world must hate me...! I pour my heart out to everyone here, all of them, and not a single fucking person loves me back...! Of course, the one I actually fall for has to be the one who absolutely despises me, who hates me the very most out of all of them... Figures...!"  
He shivered, wrapping his spindly arms around himself for comfort, trying to imagine the blonde's arms in their place. But knowing they were his own only made the ravenette feel even more alone.

O O O

At that moment, Shizuo was running through a fantasy that vented some of the recent pent-up feelings he'd acquired towards the information broker. Despite his pacifistic desires the thoughts in his mind were dark and violent, but they helped him get the rage out without actually hurting somebody.  
Shizuo kicked off his boxers and immersed himself underneath the sheets.  
He was chasing Izaya down, just like before. Like so long ago.  
Looking back on all of this now, those days seemed like the best time of his life. He missed that ignorance towards Izaya. Nothing emotionally, just the urge to kill. Now all of his feelings were muddled together.  
He would corner Izaya in an alleyway, press him up against the wall. Izaya would try to fight back, but Shizuo would wrangle the knife from his grasp and chuck it somewhere, leaving the ravenette powerless. He would grind against his body and sink his teeth into the flesh of the information broker's neck, leaving ugly bruises and bite marks that marked the ravenette as his, just as Izaya had sliced his chest open and marked him in high school. He would then literally rip all of the clothes off of Izaya's body and leave him naked, then force him to put that fur-lined jacket back, the one that he apparently was SO attached to. Only that fucking jacket.  
he would force Izaya down on his hands and knees in front of him and would take the information broker dry. Izaya would scream in pain and tears would stream down his face as the unforgiving blonde would ravage his inside until they bled. The blood would make each thrust slicker until Izaya finally cried out raggedly in masochistic pleasure. Shizuo would call him names; faggot, slut, whore, and Izaya would repeat them, agree with him, confirm through his sobs that he was.  
The blonde would cum inside, it would sting and burn his raw body, and deny the information broker his release until he begged for it, admitting the blonde was the dominant male and that he paled in comparison. He would allow the other to climax, but then kick him down and force him to lick his sticky release off of the ground. He would light up cigarettes and burn them into Izaya's neck. Then he'd stuff his cock down the information broker's throat and make him deep throat it until he came. Izaya would gag on all of it, he'd throw up on the asphalt until he passed out on the ground, covered in sweat and bruises and blood and tears and vomit and semen.  
Then Shizuo would pick him up and carry him home, making sure the jacket covered him so he wouldn't freeze. He'd take Izaya back to his apartment and lay him down gently in his own bed. He'd get a wet cloth and clean the information broker's nude body off while he was still unconscious. He'd pull out one of his shirts and dress the ravenette in it, so he at least wouldn't be completely naked. Then he would tuck him into the bedsheets so he would be nice and warm, making sure the pillows were fluffed and such. He would put Izaya's jacket in the washing machine so it, too, would be clean for him. He'd change into his pajamas and get into bed himself, snuggling his body close the ravenette's and wrapping his arms protectively around his waist, but he wouldn't fall asleep. He'd barely touch his lips to Izaya's while he slept, gently rub his shoulders, trace soft patterns over his skin with his fingertips and listen to the soft coos and purrs the sleeping information broker would make as he did.  
And then when Izaya awoke the next morning, Shizuo would punch him in the face.

O O O

"Shizu-chan... you're so stupid... you can't see it... I only do the these things because I love you...! Psssh! Everyone's so stupid... No one can ever come to understand me! I'm the only smart person around." Squeezing his eyes shut and pinching out a few tears, he forced himself to smile.  
"Maybe I'm the one who just doesn't get it... I don' t understand how you humans love...! What is it about that special person that makes you want them so? How do you show that love to them? I still don't understand, but I've been trying so hard...! Sometimes I want to be human, too... I've studied you but I just can't seem to get it right..."  
He threw himself backward and writhed in the bedsheets, cramming needy hands back into his boxers, jacking himself off.  
"But Shizu-chan isn't human either! Is that why my love for him feels so different than what I feel for you humans? This is the 'love' you humans talk about, right? What I'm feeling for Shizu-chan? So the love I feel for you is something else! No one understands it because it's something entirely of its own! It's different! Love! Shizu-chan! Humans! I'm so confused! How can I 'love' BOTH, when they are so different? I don't understand this new kind of love! This confusion is all Shizu-chan's fault! I hate him! I hate him because I love him and it's confusing me so! Help! I don't get it! This has never happened to me before! I don't like it! I don't like not KNOWING! Help me! I understand humans! But I do not understand this love! But this love is so incredibly human, feeling this is what makes me human, too! I do not understand myself! Therefore, I understand nothing for I am human! But that cannot be so for I understand that I love Shizu-chan! I don't understand what LOVE IS! SOMEONE SHOW ME HOW!"  
He shouted into the darkness of the bedroom at the top of his lungs.  
He got no reply, of course, at that seemed to calm him. Now the loneliness was satisfying for once.  
"Shizu-chan is not human because he is a monster. I am not human because I am myself. But perhaps, instead, we are the only only two humans in this entire world after all... And that is why I am feeling this way... Feeling this love..."  
Izaya sighed, relaxing somewhat, but still feeling bruised.  
he hadn't solved anything; he'd just gotten used to the numbness.  
His crimson gaze scanned his surroundings for a moment until catching on the vibrator he'd pulled out and then forgotten about, lying on the bed. Timidly, he inched his way towards it, almost in a cat-like fashion.  
"...No... I'm over thinking all of this to the point it doesn't even SOUND like it makes sense... This is fucking desire... I want Shizu-chan..."  
He pushed his boxers off of his hips and took the vibrator in his hand.  
"It doesn't matter if he's taking my hand like my soul mate, kneeling down in front of my like my prince, or beating the shit out of me, ripping me to pieces, bathing in my blood and dancing on my grave... I just gotta have him, one way or another... It doesn't matter if I'm injecting him into my veins, snorting him up my nose, rolling him up into joints or baking him into brownies... He's my drug, and I'm an addict. Always have been, always will be."  
Izaya closed his eyes, smirking to himself.  
"And one day, I'll overdose on him."'

All at once he plunged the tip of the toy within himself, crying out in pain. He didn't bother to prepare or lubricate himself, because he knew he wanted to be with Shizuo; he knew that the blonde hated him and wouldn't give a damn if he hurt him.  
That, and he was a bit of a masochist anyway.  
But even so, it still stung quite a bit and he had to pause for a few moments until the pain subsided before he could continue.  
"Shizu-chan... You probably get off on seeing me in pain... I'll bet you touch yourself to the thought of me screaming in agony..."  
The lonely silence that came in response only seemed to solidify that assumption.  
Swallowing harshly, he grasped the end of the sex toy, shifted his position slightly and began to push the rest of the vibrator inside of his body, slowly and carefully, being sure to keep a firm grip on the end of the toy.  
"Shizu-chan... I wish you were fucking me instead of this stupid toy... But I'll take anything I can if you won't love me..." Once he'd gotten the object inside as deep as he could manage, he let out a shaky, weak sigh.  
"Did you like having sex with me? Topping Izaya Orihara? Was it strange, because we're the same sex? Was that your first time with another man or have you known you were gay for a long time? Because I have... At least, for you..."  
Izaya held himself still for a few moments, forcing himself to endure the discomfort.  
He deserved it.  
"When you sucked me off, you swallowed... Was that because you like the way I tasted? Or to make me feel better...?"  
Izaya flicked the switch on the toy to the first setting, gasping at the series of low, vibrating pulses.  
"Would you like it if I gave you head too, even after all of this? Because I'd do it, just to be close to you... I'd drink buckets of your cum just to have some of you inside me... Hell, I'd even drink out of your toilet if I had to..." That was a bit extreme, even for him. But that was how desperate he felt at that moment, at least.  
"Would it make you feel powerful, to have me blowing you? To have Izaya fucking Orihara sucking needily on your dick? I'd even let you spit on me... If it made you happy..."  
He clutched the end of the toy and began to slide it back and forth within his body. It wasn't really pleasurable, due to the dryness, but he didn't care.  
"SHi~zu~o~... I want you... I don't care the circumstance, I'll do anything for you... I need you...! I dream about you...! I think about you all the time...! When I see nice clothes in a store I think about how you would look good in them...! When I cook I wonder if you would have wanted to try some, if you would have liked it...! When I touch myself, I can't get off unless I think about you...! When I get up in the morning, I think to myself, 'Hey! I wonder if I'll see Shizu-chan today...!' "  
His voice was starting to crack, and the tears had returned. He turned the vibrator up a few settings higher and began to work it faster, trying to distract himself, but it didn't help.  
"I n-need you! When you throw shit at me, it makes me feel good...! Because you're paying fucking attention to me...! That's how fucking badly I need you! Shizuo...!" Feeling release becoming closer, he began to pump himself with his hand, fingers becoming sticky with seepage.  
"I want you! I want to have you! I want you to want me the way that I want you... I want to hold you, touch you, kiss you, fuck you, be fucked by you... I want you to be the person that I give half of my heart to... Because I love you so much..."  
He came in his own hands; an unsatisfying sort of release that only seemed to make a mess. Sighing, he withdrew the toy from his body, got a cloth, and wiped himself clean.  
He re-dressed and tucked himself into the covers, hoping for an empty, dreamless sleep but knowing all too well that his mind would fill his head with thoughts of a specific certain someone."  
"ah, Shizuo, damn monster...  
I just... want to be human with you, together..."  
It was the tears that eventually lulled him into unconsciousness.  
Plunging into his personal hell.

[[Well, that's all for this chapter. I made it extra long and juicy, so I hope you enjoyed. ^^ ]]


	14. Chapter 13

Really, for the first time since the incident with the information broker in the hospital, Shizuo found himself actually enjoying his evening, and, of course, that was all thanks to Celty.

Being the amazing person and friend that she was, in addition to knowing just how heartbroken he'd been (and probably still was, at least somewhat) she'd dragged him out of the house and was treating him to a pleasant, quiet dinner at Russia Sushi. The Dullahan had even gone so far as to rent out the whole restaurant for him, more than aware of his temper issues and figuring to would be best to let him vent and converse the topic without having to worry about anyone overhearing or eavesdropping.

He was truly thankful to have someone like her in his life, someone who would go out of their way for him like this. Really. The woman had taken him out to dinner, paid for his food and the private rental, even though as she was headless she was unable to eat anything herself.

Absolutely selfless, with the most beautiful, pure heart he'd ever known (in all actuality, she did not possess that organ physically, either, but even so.) He'd never known someone so wonderfully kind before, other than the woman who'd given him and his brother milk in the mornings when they'd walk to school, oh so long ago. Celty often reminded Shizuo of her, and in many ways.

Shinra truly was a lucky man.

Celty tapped something out on her PDA and held it up to him.

[I just felt like you needed to get out of that apartment of yours for awhile.]

He smirked and nodded some, doing his best to mask with a cheerful attitude.

"Yeah, I get it... You really don't need to worry about me, though."

[No, you're my friend. It's my job to worry about you, Shizuo.]

"Ah, M'kay." He dismissed. He'd gone round and round with her about this before, and he wasn't really feeling up to continue arguing with her. She leaned back in the booth.

[I'm so sorry...]

"Don't be, Celty. It's not your fault. I fell for it, I let him suck me in and he ended up using me. It's a done deal now, there's not much you can do."

She hesitated in an almost pained nature, and did not respond. Her body kind of tensed up, her fingers beginning to quiver, hovering over the screen of her PDA. Reading her body language, he reached across the table and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Celty? You okay?"

[No... I'm not. I'm not...! Shizuo, it IS my fault. It's my fault you got hurt this badly! Me and Shinra, we figured out he'd been lying to you long before you did! I'm sorry!]

The blonde's face fell as he read her text, a deep hurt pooling in his eyes. She quickly scrambled to add something to her statement, watching him try to comprehend what she'd told him. She hadn't intended on telling him, but once the first piece of information spilled into the world she couldn't hold back the rest from following it.

[But Shinra, he told me not to say anything! He told me not to get involved and even though I didn't think it was right I, I listened to him anyway! I'm so sorry, Shizuo! This is all my fault! If I had just told you, you would have known in advance and you wouldn't have been torn up this badly! I'm so sorry!]

He was silent for a long time, bowing his head, closing his eyes before a slow, complicated smile spread across his face.

"Nah, Celty, don't blame yourself."

[But this is MY fault!] She insisted. He shook his head, some of his blonde hair tossing about. Oh, she could see the natural chestnut brown starting to grow back in at the top of his head. She'd remind him to re-dye it later.

"It couldn't have been helped. I was so caught up in the lie; I wanted what he was saying to be true so badly. Something in my wanted to be able to believe he'd changed. I probably wouldn't even have believed you, anyway. It was probably for the best that I found out from Izaya himself."

She sat there in silence for a while, so he took it upon himself to pop a few rolls of the obscure sushi into his mouth.

"Ah, this Cottage Cheese sushi is weird."

He looked up from his plate to see her PDA already held out for him.

[So do you hate him? Or not?]

Shizuo suddenly became very interested in his hangnails and cuticles, ignoring her and pinching his lips tightly together to the point the skin was beginning to turn white.

[Shizuo?]

After a bit longer, he let out a long, shaky sigh, stammering somewhat.

"Do I... h-hate... I... Ah... C-Celty..."

She sat still, watching him through the black tinted polycarbonate visor of her motorcycle helmet with confliction, half-wishing she hadn't said anything at all, due to how distressed he seemed by her inquiry.

She really hadn't meant to upset him, she'd just been honestly curious. And given by how collected and strong he'd been acting around her these past few days, she'd been under the impression he'd gotten over the initial shock of truth and would actually have been capable of discussing such a topic.

Apparently she had been mistaken.

He squeezed his eyes shut and made a small, muffled whimpering sound, his face beginning to flush red with color.

She glanced frantically around the restaurant, catching the sushi chef in the kitchen opening, just standing there, staring. She jerked her head back and he quickly dove into the back of the restaurant. Although Dennis was certainly trustworthy in that respect, she knew how important preserving her friend's reputation was. He had enough people on his case as it was, it was best not to weaponize them with any blackmail. He didn't need any more stress piled on TOP of all of this business with Izaya.

She quickly reached forward and took both of Shizuo's hands in her own, gripping them tightly to comfort just as the first of many, oh, oh, tears, made their way down from behind the lenses of his cobalt blue colored sunglasses.

"N-No...! After all of th-this...! I-...! I still l-love him...!"

He began to squeeze her hands back, and it got to the point that she had to wrench herself free from his grip to avoid her fingers being mangled in his strong grasp.

[Oh, Shizuo...]

He slammed his fists down hard on the table, gritting his teeth.

"I... I know he's still HIM, but, ah, when I think about what h-happened, that night, I still f-feel the way I did then! Even though I know he was lying to me, sometimes when I lie awake at night I pretend like he'd been telling me the truth and then I can actually keep myself from falling completely fucking apart...! I'm so fucking sick of all of this BULLSHIT! I don't want to do this anymore! This isn't fair! I'm sick of being rejected by every goddamn person in this city! People treat me like I'm just some walking circus attraction! I have feelings too! I want the same things they do! I want love! I want to settle down, to be normal, to get married, and have a good job, and go to swap meets and have kids and go to their fucking school plays and their fucking graduation ceremonies and go old in a retirement home and fucking die and just, just FUCK! FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF THIS! FUCK THE WHOLE GODDAMN FUCKING WORLD!"

Celty placed a hand on his shoulder.

[Oh, Shizuo...]

"For once in my whole FUCKING life, I felt like I was WANTED! Like I was NEEDED! And I fucking CRAVED IT! I got a taste of what it was like to be accepted! To be HUMAN...! I didn't CARE that it was with HIM! I didn't CARE how much I hated him anymore! I just wanted that fucking CHANCE!"

He confessed, pouring out all of the emotions he'd kept bottled up inside these past few weeks. She got up from the booth opposite to him and instead sat down beside him, offering her embrace to him, to which the blonde latched onto. Hysterically yelling out his frustrations into her breasts while she did all she could to soothe him of the lemon juice she'd accidently splashed into his wounds not yet fully healed.

The information broker peered hesitantly through the window of the small sushi shop and felt that woman just rip his poor heart in half at the seams.

And he fled.

Trying to get away as fast as possible from it all. Perhaps if he ran fast enough he'd be able to escape from this concrete jungle and this hell he's made for himself.

He tripped in the streets, falling, skidding hard on his knees on the asphalt, the rough road tearing open his boot-cut jeans and attacking his skin and scraping off much of the flesh.

He cried out, a single blood-curdling scream of agony that was equally due to pain in his heart as it was to the pain in his body. He struggled to his feet, wiped away some of the dirt and sharp gravel that stuck to the hot sticky blood and ragged flesh.

And then he kept running. Running away from the kingdom raining down, collapsing around him.

No more, no more, no more.

He couldn't take any of this anymore.

[[Oh, so sorry about the wait between chapters! DX I felt so bad, but I was busy with writing other 'fics, (not published on here, yet.) And doing schoolwork catch-up. Remember my allergy attack? I missed a few days of school... So, yeah. XD  
Anyways, as I have some free time right now I will see if I can type up another chapter or two. :)

I apologize for my somewhat inconsistent updating style, but I do tend to do my fanfiction writing rather oddly. I handwrite fanfiction CONSTANTLY whilst on the go in comp notebooks and journals, and then type up drafts when I get time to do so.

Okay. I write in fanfictions in between class periods, at the grocery store, at the doctor's office... XD

Anyways. Recently, I was seized with an amazing inspiration.

I plan to put up another fanfiction soon. Plotwise, will focus on Shizuo and Izaya turning into nekos/inus overnight and trying to cope. But, it will not be fluff, and there will be none of that 'nyaa, nyaa~! desu, desu! *snuggles~* 3 3' stuff you see in a lot of neko or inu fanfictions. I will do my best to keep the two of them as IC as I possibly can, as I always do.

It will be a Humor/Romance, M rated for yaoi content, of course. It will use a fair bit of crude humor.  
I have had a few test readers read the handwritten drafts of it in person, and have gotten very positive feedback. So, I hope you all on here will enjoy it, too. :) ]]


	15. Chapter 14

Several weeks had passed

in the blink of an eye

as if time had just

. . . folded in of itself.

Namie sighed, pushing the door open with her rear end (as her hands were full; a cup of coffee, his daily tea, her purse, and several file folders tucked under her arm) and slipped into the office suite.

"Aiye, I'm here, I got the information on Miss Naomi's husband like you asked in that email..." She announced.

She, (for once) did not get a response.

No quick, jeering reply. None of his annoying, sarcastic, loathsome attitude.

She furrowed her eyebrows, suspicious.

"Orihara-san?"

Not even a stir of movement in the room.

Ah, but the large, black leather office chair he liked to seat himself in was turned so it wasn't facing her, pulled up to his desk, his jacket slung over the chair's back.

She sighed again, set her file folders, his tea, and her purse down, took a sip of her coffee, then marched across the room and shook the back of the chair roughly.

Sure enough, there he was, sprawled out face down on the keyboard of his laptop.

The little shmuck had fallen asleep while working.

There were several medication bottles collected on the desk, several different brand of anti-depressants and pain killers.

Elavil. Lexapro. Celexa. Luvox. Desyrel. Surmontil. Aventyl. Lithobid. Wellbutrin SR. Norpramin.

Lithium. Like the Nirvana song.

Miscellaneous, loose pills strewn about.

She shook the chair again, now starting to get a bit panicked.

"Hey! Get up!"

He didn't stir.

She shook harder and he finally, slowly, lethargically, sat upright.

She gasped, dropped her coffee mug to the floor and brought her hand up to her mouth.

He looked absolutely AWFUL.

He was ghastly pale, ragged, near skeletal. His cheeks were hollow, normally tight T-shirt and thin jeans practically drowning his bony frame. His eyes were blood-shot and heavy, sunken in. Sickly. Corpse-like.

He couldn't have weighed over a hundred pounds, total.

His black hair was greasy and bizarrely cow licked, his jaw slackened, his lips chapped.

He held his posture feebly and unnaturally, hunching and drawing his limbs inward, holding stick-like arms close to his frail body. Namie felt that if she even breathed on the ravenette, he would collapse.

The only thing more horrifying than his near-anorexic appearance was the way he smelled.

"Oh my GOD! ORIHARA-SAN!" She exclaimed.

He closed and re-opened his eyes very slowly.

"What the hell happened to you?"

No answer. He made somewhat of a whimpering sigh sound, swaying a bit like he was about to keel over.

"My god, how long have you been locked up in here?"

" . . . . Wh-what's t-today . . . " He inquired, voice weak and raspy.

"It's Thursday!"  
" . . . Then . . . A week . . . Or . . . Maybe t-two . . . And a half . . . Or . . . I d-don't know anymore . . . "

She was absolutely dumbstruck.

"Why haven't you gotten up? Eaten? Taken a shower? You get in there and take one right now, you smell RANCID!"

And before he knew entirely what was happening, she'd marched him into the bathroom, shoved him inside and closed the door behind him.

He stood there, precariously, leaning against the bathroom sink for a few moments.

Well . . .

It's not like there was anything better for him to do.

He was already pretty much dead on the inside, he might as well please who was left living.

It's not like anything mattered anymore, anyway.

She sat down on the couch, not entirely sure what to do with herself.

As much as she disliked him, as much as he got on her nerves . . .

She couldn't help but feel sorry for the information broker.

This was serious. If he was beating himself up this badly . . .

Then he must be utterly, completely, absolutely, entirely heartbroken.

She tried to put things into perspective.

What if the same thing had happened between her and Seiji?

No doubt she would be no better off than Izaya was right now. How awful . . .

The sound of the shower turned on for a short while, then turned back off again. She bit her lip and listened intently, and she barely heard his fragile voice call out to her.

" . . . N-Namie . . . "

She swallowed. "Yes?"

"H-Help me . . . " He pleaded feebly from the bathroom.

Sighing, she got up and walked over to the bathroom door.

"Do you want me to come in? Did you fall?" She inquired.

" . . . C-Come in . . . "

"Well, ah, are you dressed?" She couldn't believe she was doing this.

" . . . N-No . . . Oh, please . . . Help me . . . "

Exasperated, she pushed open the door anyway.

He was sitting down in the bathtub, his spine resting against the side closest to her so the wall of the tub hid his lower half. Not facing her.

"Okay, I'm here."

" . . . N-Namie . . . C-Could you help me wash . . . Please . . . "

She at first began to protest.

"What, you can do it yourself, I'm not your servant-"

"Namie . . . Paycheck . . . "

And she sighed yet again, turning the water back, but not all the way, so the torrent of droplets raining down would be somewhat gentler.

"Alright, fine. Whatever. Keep yourself covered, then."  
He slowly pulled his knees up to his chest, remaining quiet.

Grumbling to himself, she rolled up her sleeves and pulled out the shampoo.

With her view of him from the back like this . . .

He looked like something straight out of a horror film.

Or an eating disorder documentary with morbid images intended to scare young teenage girls.

Pale skin clinging to his bones, shoulder blades and spine protruded, hip bones, pelvis, ribcage.

Every vertebrae of his spine was distinguished. She could sit there and could each bump of bone, from his tailbone all the way up his back and up his neck as he sat there with his head hanging down almost shamefully.

She swore he was almost translucent.

Ghost-like.

No more than a ghost of his former self.

Nibbling her lip slightly, she poured some shampoo into her hands and began to work it through his thin, raven feather hair.

He didn't say a word, so she didn't either.

A few minutes passed before she noticed he was crying.

Absolutely silently, nothing but a slight shaking of his body, a pained expression and a few stray tears camouflaged by the cascading droplets of the shower.

She very carefully turned the water down to a lukewarm setting, pulled the nozzle down and washed the soap away, running her manicured fingernails through the jet black locks of his hair.

He lifted his hands timidly and attempted to aide her, trying to prove he wasn't entirely helpless, trying to preserve at least some of his dignity.

Yes, she saw the deep, ragged, vertical slits that ran straight up and down along the veins of his wrists, but even so, she did not say anything of it.

She picked up the loofa and lathered it with soap, setting to scrubbing down his back and shoulders.

She felt him relax some, the shaking movements of his sobs slow slightly, which brought a soft, secret smile to her lips and warm relief to her heart.

At least he'd be okay. At least she would be here for him now.

She handed him the loofa, and he took it from her slowly, giving her a strange look.

"Alright, I think you can wash your front yourself. That's a little weird, even for me. I'm your secretary, not your mother."

He stared at her emptily for a long moment, then slowly nodded his head.

"Oh . . . Okay . . . "

"I'll be back in just a moment."

Having been his secretary for this long had its benefits, surprisingly.

She knew where all of his pocket knives were kept.

Bookcase, his coat pockets, couch, under the desk, in the desk, inside his laptop bag, by the coffee maker, in the other couch.

She gathered them all hurriedly and dumped them all into her purse.

Namie paced up and down the hallway for a few minutes while he finished up. After maybe another ten additional minutes of agonizing, worrying waiting, he called her back into the bathroom, requesting that she assist him in exiting the shower.

And she complied.

She helped him climb out of the bath, allowing him to lean on her for support, then wrapped a towel around his horrific, too-thin, shivering figure, trying her best not to look at his indecency.

She led him out into the main part of the office (the blinds were already closed) and had him sit down on the couch. She carefully dried his hair with a second, smaller towel.

"Namie . . . I have some clothes upstairs . . . If you could get them for me . . . "

She nodded then slipped upstairs to the miniature laundry room of the office. (how handy!) Sure enough, he had two or three sets of shirts, jeans and underwear folded up nearly and stored away on a high shelf.

She took down a set and even popped the clothes in the dryer for a few minutes so they would be warm before bringing them to him.

"Would you . . . Help me get dressed . . . Please . . . "

She bit her bottom lip hesitantly.

"Yeah, okay..." She told herself mentally over and over in a mantra that this wasn't going to be awkward for her, that this wasn't going to be awkward for her.

This was the right thing to do, he was so out of it, starved and sickly, he needed her help.

Even so, she could not deny that he was a VERY attractive young man, beautiful, elven, even while so deteriorated.

He stood up and let his towel just fall to the floor.

She swallowed, holding the pair of boxers out in front of him, and helped to guide each of his feet into the corresponding leg-holes.  
She had to admit that once she'd pulled the elastic bands up to his hips and he was properly covered she felt a bit more at ease.

The shirt went on without any problems, but he ended up rejecting the jeans and refused to put on any pants. She re-seated him on the couch.

"Namie . . . I'm c-cold . . . "

"Do you want a blanket?"

He shook his head.

"Your jacket?"

This time he nodded, so she pulled the article in question off of the back of his swivel chair.

"Uh, do you want me to wash this first? It stinks like tobacco."  
His eyes widened suddenly and he began to thrash about on the couch, repeating over and over and over, "No! No! No! No! No! No!"

She jumped to his side and did her best to hold him down, not wanting the ravenette to hurt himself.

He only seemed to get more distressed.

"No! No! No! My jacket! Jacket!" He shrieked.

Oh, in her rush, she'd dropped it on the floor. She quickly retrieved the clothing and offered it to him.

The information broker latched onto the fabric needily and coddled it to his chest, inhaling deeply, then coughing a few times.  
But it seemed to calm him down, and within a few minutes he'd gone from the distraught mini-spasm attack to steadily rocking himself back and forth on the couch, making pitiful, soft, whimpering noises ever so often.

Her expression softened somewhat.

When she thought about it, this man wasn't much older than Seiji. And he needed her, and needed her badly, more than her brother ever had.

He was so lost, reverting to a state so helpless.

She was caring for him in the same way a mother would cared for her own child.

It brought a strange new feeling into her heart; fulfillment.

She was the protector.

She was needed. She was depended upon. It felt good.

She sat down on the couch beside him and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, stilling his rocking motions.

He looked up at her quizzically, his eyes wounded, meeting her gentle eyes and motherly gaze.

A silent agreement to call a truce, for the moment.

He needed her, she needed him.

He buried his face into the pillow of her bosom and cried out in his pain. Not physical pain, per say, but worse; the pain of the gaping, agonizing hole in his heart.

He sobbed the former bartender's name over and over, his voice muffled by her breasts.

She placed a hand on his back and held him lovingly, whispering;

"Shhh... Shhh... Shhh..."

He chose to pour what was left of his broken heart out to her.

"Namie...! Namie...! I w-want Sh-Shizu-ch-chan...! I want him so m-much...! I'm so sorry...! I didn't mean to hurt him! I didn't mean it...! He hates me so much now and I don't know what to d-do...!"

And she began to rock him back and forth in her arms, singing the tune of a child's lullaby softly into his ear, pressing her lips to his cheeks again and again, kissing away each tears that fell from his crimson eyes.

He said nothing more, only clutched the jacket closer, embracing the faint smell of his cigarettes that had settled into the fabric of his jacket, only wishing that it was the blonde who was holding him, kissing him, comforting him, telling him everything was going to be alright, everything was going to be alright, everything was going to be alright, everything was going to be alright.

And Namie knew this, too; she knew this but it truly did not matter to her.

She did not mind simply because she was wishing, too; closing her eyes and envisioning her younger brother, Seiji Yagiri in Izaya's place.

And he saw the single, secret tear shed off her long lashes and trail down her pained but smiling face, but in respect to the truce he did not say a word of it.

"Namie . . . Please, one more thing . . . "

She opened her eyes and looked at him expectantly. He nuzzled his face deeper into her chest.

" . . . Help me get Shizu-chan back . . . "

She pulled away and pressed her pink, flower petal lips to his forehead, almost as if in promise.

[[Ahn, thank you for reading! ^^ Well, I'm not entirely textbook level familiar with the symptoms of anorexia, but that's what had intended to give him when I first started this scene. It didn't take me too much thought to think, 'Wait a minute, hey, Anorexia is an eating disorder, not something you just suddenly develop and come down with when you're upset over something.'

So, I changed things up a little bit and tried to make it seem like he was putting himself through physical punishment as retribution for what he'd done to Shizuo, and not specifically just not eating.

A very close friend of mine, fellow fanfiction writer, Izaya fangirl, Izaya roleplayer, and the Izaya cosplayer in my DRRR! Cosplay group (Guess who's Shizu! 'tis le moi~* ^w^) had suggested to me a heroin addiction, that Izaya may have dabbled in some of the gang and drug-dealing underbelly of the city to cope. I was originally going to include that, but again, I thought to myself, "Wait, it takes a long time and is difficult to recover from a heroin addiction, and I don't want to do that long of a time skip, and I don't feel like writing several chapters of drug rehabilitation is what this story needs."  
I had been listening to a lot of Nirvana and grunge music recently. So, I thought about making him delve into prescription anti-depressant medications, specifically any containing the generic drug Lithium, in tribute to the song of the same name. Not only that, but I also felt that the lyrics of the song themselves kind of fit what he was going through at that moment in the fanfiction...

(I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.  
They're in my head. I'm so ugly. But that's okay.  
'Cause so are you. We've broke our mirrors.  
Sunday morning. Is every day for all I care.  
And I'm not scared. Light my candles. In a daze cause I've found god...

I'm so lonely. And that's okay.  
I shaved my head. And I'm not sad, and just maybe  
I'm to blame for all I've heard. And I'm not sure.  
I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet you there.  
And I don't care. I'm so horny. But that's okay. My will is good.

I like it. I'm not gonna crack.  
I miss you. I'm not gonna crack.  
I love you. I'm not gonna crack.  
I killed you. I'm not gonna crack...)

I can really imagine him locked up alone in his apartment doing whatever it is he did with that song in the background, and as that song kind of helped me write this scene, I felt I had to tie it in or reference it somehow.

So, you can check out the song for yourself, if you're interested in that sort of thing and haven't already heard it.

Now, he had a lot of bottles there, and giving the period of time he'd been in the office by himself I made sure to refrain from saying that the bottles were empty, so as to be more realistic. It's up to you to interpret for yourselves just how many of those pills he might have actually taken.

There's not too much build-up left until the final conclusion of the story here, I know you guys are looking forward to reading it just as much as I am looking forward to sharing with you! :D

Reviews, reviews, reviews! I live off of your reviews! :3 ]]


	16. Bonus Chapter

_((This a bonus chapter that I wrote late the other night... I'm not really entirely sure what inspired me to write it, but I felt I had to put it down on paper, just because of how powerful it was to me. I, again, have the story already finished, so it wasn't originally a part of the plot. At first it was going to be a kind of metaphorical one shot song 'fic , but towards the end I ended up including things that would have only made sense in the context of Six Bullets. So, I'll fit it in here, adding a little bit more filler..._

_The song, is, well, you-know-who again. XD_

_'Something in the Way; Nirvana.'_

_Enjoy~ ))_

**_Underneath the bridge_**

**_The tarp has sprung a leak_**

He walked out of the office complex and began down the maze of sidewalks in his narcissism, unshared with the rest of the world.

People turned to look at him.

Everyone's face blurred into smoke, into nothingness.

The people were meaningless now.

He pulled the hood of his jacket over his head and kept going, pushing through the masses, cruel and ignorant.

That's how they'd always been, really.

Finally, the man who chose to live amongst wolves had been torn to pieces.

Slaughtered.

Everywhere, the wolves stopped and turned and watched him pass, hunger glittering in their eyes.

He was not one of them.

Just another to consume.

Swallowed and digested by the mob of humanity, left behind as nothing worse than a pile of stanking shit.

**_And the animals I've trapped_**

**_Have all become my pets_**

The border between his world and HIS stretched before him like a massive canyon, a fissure scar in the decaying flesh of the world.

'You are now leaving Shinjuku. Welcome to Ikebukuro.' The sign said.

He just stood there for a while, soaking in the frozen lake of silence and inescapable solitude, gazing emptily at the other side of the Earth.

A world forever distant from his own.

The railroad behind him blared a metronome tempo that was the heartbeat of the city.

It must have taken him years upon years of short minutes dwelling in his own mind before, by chance, he remembered how to fly across the gaping chasm.

He stepped off of the sidewalk and onto the crosswalk, then made his way to the opposite side of the asphalt.

**_And I'm living off of grass_**

The world bore down on his rickety wooden shoulder blades with the weight of all the agony he'd inflicted in the hearts of others.

All the pain he has caused now filled him overflowed and spilled from his mouth, his eyes.

It just kept flowing, endlessly.

The skyscrapers glared down and screamed at him being, calling him filth, scum, whore, a disgrace to existence.

None of the buildings even had any noses in the first place.

The only thing that continued to grow was their height, getting taller and taller and taller and blocking out the grey sky filled with clouds and no hope.

The stoplights and street signs reached out and tore into his body, shredding his flesh with their blackening talons, gouging out and devouring his blind eyes.

He left a trail of blood down asphalt roads as he continued to trudge through another world.

Wandering aimlessly to a set destination.

**_And the drippings from the ceiling_**

Everywhere, the wolves followed the scent of his scarlet.

These animals bore familiar faces that he could no longer recognize.

They were HIS pack, his family, his friends, his strangers.

They watched him.

Watched the Casanova rejection stumble his way through the Alpha's territory.

Because he had no sense of self as he'd left it somewhere behind on his perilous decade long journey of about twelve city blocks.

**_But it's okay to eat fish_**

The labyrinth of industry before him kept changing and he'd lost track of where he was coming from, where he was going.

Even if he was coming or going at all.

**_'Cause they don't have any feelings_**

O O O

"Hey, Shizuo-san! How are you today? It's really dim and dank out today, huh? Kinda spooky!"

Piped the boy in the blue sweatshirt with the squinty eyes.

"Oh, Shizu-Shizu! I want you to see this thing I drew! It's a doujinshi about you and Iz-"

The girl beside the boy began, before;

"All of you just stay the fuck away from me."

O O O

**_Something in the way_**

**_Mmmmmmm..._**

A small secondary pack of dogs stood loitering next to a back alley business and trash can fire.

A whiff of marijuana, and the women, there were two of them, both had HIS cancer sticks floating smoke between their generic botoxed lips.

A male, young, idiotic, and eager to prove himself, confronted him, bringing a metal bat and smashing it down over one of his shouders; a narrow miss at his suicide sanctuary.

**_Something in the way_**

**_Yeah_**

**_Mmmmmmm..._**

A hair's length away from spraying the world with hot blood from his jugular, the group flea with their cowardly tails between quivering legs.

He was not in the mood for games anymore.

**_Something in the way_**

**_Mmmmmmm..._**

The wolves were staring at him again now.

**_Something in the way_**

**_Mmmmmmm..._**

This was the old battle ground.

His blood had washed away quite some time ago with the rain of mockingbird's tears, but the yellow wounds still remained and throbbed painfully just as they did the day the Alpha tore out his beating heart.

**_Something in the way_**

**_Yeah_**

**_Mmmmmmm..._**

Tarot cards fluttered from the sky and buried him in the lies of a better future.

The skull with wings was nothing more than a sewer pipe's dream.

He was deemed for a fate much worse.

The air grew smogged with the smell of his failure and it intoxicated him.

He saw mirages in the asphalt.

Happiness.

Numb.

**_Something in the way_**

**_Yeah_**

**_Mmmmmmm..._**

O O O

"Please take me home, Celty. I think I've had enough of this city."

[ If you insist. ]

O O O

**_Underneath the bridge_**

**_The tarp has sprung a leak_**

It has taken twenty years, but the world had sotomized him enough times now that he'd simply been raped of all feeling.

The only reason society no longer continued to fuck him up the ass was because his vocal chords had been stripped raw and dripped blood.

He could no longer scream in his agony.

Only bathe in silence.

It wasn't fun anymore.

**_And the animals I've trapped_**

**_Have all become my pets_**

He finally reached the unsatisfying finale of his journey through hell.

Apartment Number 84F.

He slid his arms out of the fur lined sleeves of his selfish shame and left his tortured remains lying there on the front doorstep, as a peace offering.

And then walked into Nothingness.

Nothingness. Nothingness.

**_But it's okay to eat fish_**

**_'Cause they don't have any feelings_**

Shizuo stood on the edge of the bridge, leaning over the railing, the water, grey and freezing.

He held the jacket straight out over the water by the hood with one hand.

He didn't know how it got on his doorstep or why it smelled like blood and vomit.

All he knew was that after ten agonizing years of his hell, he was sick of looking at it.

He opened his hand and let his troubles fall into the cold, unforgiving river current.

Izaya was sitting there, beneath the bridge, amongst the reeds and muddy rived bed.

With nothing but a short-sleeved T-shirt and jeans, he held his arms around his body to keep warm.

Something brushed up against his shoes.

Out of the water he fished a water-logged bundle of fur and fabric.

He watched a cigarette fall from heaven and sink into the surface of the water.

He felt what was left of his heart sink with it.

There was a solid, hard lump in the pocket of the jacket, so he emptied what was still bundled within the wet cloth.

Had Shizuo not even bothered to look...?

Izaya stared at the sleek black gun in his hand.

The gun that had shot down the Ikebukuro Monster so many months ago.

The gun that should have marauded his body with bullets, too.

The information broker stood up, and shot six times into the dark murky water.

The world stained red.

A body floated to the surface.

In a trance, he waded into the cold water and drew from it the corpse of the fish he'd murdered.

Stared at it. Stared at its puny, ugly little dead face.

Izaya took two fingers, plucked out both of the fish's glazed eyes, opened his mouth, placed them on his tongue and swallowed them whole.

_It's okay to eat fish_

_'Cause they don't have any feelings..._

((You know, I really have no idea where this fanfiction came from. I'm normally a really, really happy person, I swear. XD ))


	17. Chapter 15

"And you can just put him down in that office chair, right there..."

THUNK.

"I said put him down, not drop him... Whatever, okay, now sit him upright, tie up his arms, strap him down around the middle and all that stuff..."

The two men pulled out some belted leather straps and tied the figure into the chair with his arms bound behind his back.

The woman tapped her lip with her index finger and inspected the scene.

"Ahn, take the gag and blindfold off, put his sunglasses back on, and straighten his clothes! The bow tie is crooked..."

And the men did as they were told.

"Thank you, boys, I can't believe you used an elephant tranquilizer... If he doesn't wake up then Orihara-san will fire me for sure."

The men shifted uncomfortably.

"We're sorry Miss Yagiri, but from the description you gave us we didn't really know what else to use."

She sighed some.

"It's alright... At least you got him in here."

"It was like wrangling a bull." One of the men commented.

The woman smirked.

"You can go now, boys."

"Thank you, Miss Yagiri." And her two henchmen (who had also played the part of the two doctors in the hospital) dipped their heads and filed out of the room.

Namie stooped over some and cupped the side of the blonde's face in her hand, looking him over.

Shizuo's nose twitched, and he snorted some, but he did not stir from his unconscious state.

What did Izaya see in him?

No, she wasn't jealous or anything; she was simply curious. This was the person Izaya had finally, finally showed any unusual emotion for, and then went and fell into brokenhearted shambles over.

He didn't seem like much.

Ehhh. He was good-looking at least, in that respect. Sharp nose. High, carved cheekbones, exceptionally handsome jaw line. She carefully pushed up one of his eyelids with the pad of her finger.

Hm.

He had soft, gentle eyes; somewhat of a contradiction to his reputation.

And he diffidently had a nice body. Well-built, but balanced at just the right percentage between two mediums; muscular, but not TOO muscular, thin, but not TOO thin.

The only problem was that Shizuo Heiwajima was just three years younger that she was, which was much too old for her tastes, in the first place.

He was more mature and too independent. She probably couldn't baby him.

This was why she only had eyes for Seiji.

But even so. If men were capable of having children with each other, and if things actually somehow worked out between him and Izaya, their children together would have been absolutely gorgeous.

Truly.

She could picture the product of their union in her head.

Pale and thin, like the 'mother' (She was sure that her boss was the catcher in the relationship) but with the father's nice looks, movie star-esque blood, as the man's sibling was that actor. It would have Shizuo's nose and jaw line, Izaya's build and cheekbones. And she most certainly hoped that the strain of crimson red eyes from the Orihara side of the family would be the dominant gene. Brown eyes were a recessive trait to red ones, right? Ahh. There were not enough subjects carrying a red-eye trait to know. Just like with that English actress, Elizabeth Taylor, and her purple eyes.

Oh, she hoped it would be a girl. They would name her Manya, because to her that just sounded darling, and she would get to become the godmother, but Manya would call her Auntie Namie anyways, and-

Oh, she was getting ahead of herself. Men couldn't have babies.

It really was a shame that the two of them were homosexual, because even as individuals they could bring so much benefit to the gene pool... Human experimentation...

Maybe they could donate...?

Sighing, she brought herself up to her feet and dug around in her pocket, pulling out a syringe.

She picked up one of the blonde's limp wrists, found a prominent vein and injected the syringe's clear, syrupy contents into the subject's body.

His eyes flew open all at once, and he lurched forward at her.

Namie jumped back in surprise, dropping the empty syringe to the floor. Shizuo began to thrash about in the chair, pulling at the leather bonds, yelling and cursing up a storm of profanities.  
She had to think fast.

If he started to fight like this before the drugs set in, then he might actually succeed at escaping, and then all of her efforts would have amounted to nothing.

So she grabbed the first solid object she could find (this turned out to be a fancy little blue vase) and bashed him over the head with it.

The blonde slumped back down in the chair, knocked out cold again.

Namie was still trying to recover from her mini-panic attack, breathing in and out heavily and pressing a hand to her chest in an attempt to slow her racing heart.

After she felt she'd calmed down enough, she slinked (cautiously) back over to Shizuo.

She poked his cheek.

No response.

"Good... I think..."

She swallowed hesitantly, then sat herself down on one of his knees and placed her ear against his chest.

"Looks like the drug hasn't affected your heart beat or breathing too badly... That's good... It was a pretty strong dose..." She spoke to herself more than anyone else, as she was alone in the office.

She placed a hand at the former bartender' groin and waited for the chemicals to respond.

Within a few minutes a prominent lump formed underneath her fingers, and the blonde let out a short, breathy groan.

Namie quickly pulled away and got back to her feet, blushing and feeling a bit flustered.

She grabbed her clipboard off of the table and made a few checks on an information record she'd printed out.

"And, it looks like the intended result is as it should be, as well. Hm, My company should be happy with me, if I ever get it back... I know I shouldn't be testing these sorts of things out of the lab without consent from the subject, but it's all in the name of science..." She mumbled, then smirked to herself.

"T'yeah. Science, and the 'Orihara Izaya' signed at the bottom of my paycheck..."

Namie took a few steps away from the figure in the chair, pulled out her phone and dialed her boss's cell number. It never took him too long to answer, these days.

"Hello? Namie? Is there a problem at the office?"

She couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face.

"Actually, no. But can you come in for a bit? I need you here for a bit."

She could hear the apprehension in his voice.

"Uh, what for...?"

"I have something here for you to look at."

"Well, what is it?"

"Heh, take a guess."

"Uhh... Not sure if I want to. You sound FAR too happy, Namie. It's a bit frightening."

"You asked me to do something a month or two back, when I found you in the office-"

"Oh, god, Namie! I was delirious! PLEASE, don't tell me you actually took anything that I said seriously! I was so, ehhh, hysteric! I was embarrassing! We agreed that never, ever happened! And, god, I was so hopped up on anti-depressants I was completely delusional, I kept hallucinating and had two separate seizures when you weren't there and couldn't say three words without projectile vomiting- "

"You asked me to help you get Heiwajima back."

"Namie! What did you DO? Ah, you mean he is actually there waiting for me?"

"Well, not of his own free will, per say, but, yeah."

"What is THAT supposed to mean?"

"We shot him with tranquilizers and tied him to a chair, but, he's here, at least. He gave my henchmen a run for their, that's for sure."

"NAMIE, WHAT, ARE YOU INSANE-"

"I was just doing what you asked! You'll thank me later!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALY-"

"Just get over here! You'll thank me later!"

"LIKE HELL I WILL-"

"Hanging up now!"

"NAMIE YAGIRI DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON M-"

"Bye!"

Click.

The fact that she was getting to play cupid in all of this nonsense, quite frankly, was making her feel rather important. She found herself (rather uncharacteristically) flitting about the room as she waited for the other subject of her karma to arrive.

She enjoyed having a key role in all of this mess.

(( There's one chapter left, guys. Plus an epilogue... We're almost finished...

But the next chapter, is HUGE, and I might break it up into several parts. :)

When Izaya is talking to Namie about some of his previous ailments, what he is describing are all key symptoms in an anti-depressant overdose... So in the previous chapter, understand that he was heavily influenced by the medication and not functioning as himself. :)

Oh, and as for what she injected into Shizuo...

It's a fictional drug created for the purposes of fanfiction, based directly off of the very real injected drug Bremelanotide (PT-141). Name calls her drug 'PT-145', and it essentially does the same thing as PT-141, except the effects are a bit stronger and the drug was produced by Yagiri Pharmaceuticals.

Here's essentially what it does and a few background facts:

PT-141 is an injected aphrodisiac not currently regulated by the FDA. It is taken into the body through a needle or syringe, much like an insulin shot. Unlike Viagra and other related medications, it does not act upon the vascular system or increase blood flow, but directly increases sexual desire.  
Originally, the peptide Melanotan II that bremelanotide was developed from was tested as a sunless tanning agent. In initial testing, Melanotan II did induce tanning but additionally caused sexual arousal and spontaneous erections as unexpected side effects in eight out of the ten original male volunteer test subjects. In clinical studies, bremelanotide has been shown to be effective in treating male sexual and erectile dysfunction as well as female sexual dysfunction.

So... I think that gives you an idea of what the next chapter will be all about . . . ~

:D

See you next time...~ -SheikNinja))


	18. Chapter 16

He burst into the office building, about ready to, well, 'shank-a-bitch.'

Or shank an overly sarcastic secretary.

Of course, by the time he'd arrived, the cackling witch had already fled the scene, abandoning her black cauldron, brewing with trouble.

Instead of the clever woman he'd been intending to punish, he was greeted with an enraged, confused, (and fully awake) former blonde bartender, strapped down to his office chair, red in the face, and sporting a rather large . . .

Oh my.

Just look at that deliciously hot pick post-it note plastered to that poor man's forehead.

Izaya slowly crept across the room and plucked said note off of him, reading over his secretary's cursive chicken scratch.

_'He's yours to do with as you please, freak. And I even took the liberty of injecting your little friend with something of a male chemical aphrodisiac my company had been working on before we were shut down, you damn pervert. So you can thank both me and Yagiri Pharmaceuticals later, Orihara.'_

And at the bottom of the post-it note Namie Yagiri had even drawn a little smiley face.

Taken aback, Izaya looked from Shizuo to the note several times. The blonde was not impressed.

"Izaya!" He shouted, shaking the chair somewhat with his struggling against the bonds.

"What the hell is going on? Where am I? This isn't Ikebukuro! Why am I here? Who was that woman? She friggin' shot me up with somethin' weird! Get me outta here right now!"

However, at this point the ravenette was having other ideas. Namie had been nice enough to bring him a new toy; even if he did intend to take it back to the store, that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to play with it a little bit first, right?

Wide-eyed, Izaya gingerly touched his fingertips to the side of the blonde's face, finding the soft of his jaw.

Shizuo tensed, growling and baring his teeth like an angry dog in a cage; even though he was strapped to the chair he still found ways to express his loathing.

"Shizu-chan..." The information broker whispered, brushing his fingers lightly over the blonde's cheekbones, staring into the other's eyes through those cobalt blue sunglasses, searching mocha pools for even a glimmer of what he'd seen there the moment he'd kissed him 'goodbye'.

But there was nothing, nothing other than pure, absolute unmatched hatred.

Izaya grazed his teeth over the pinkened flesh of his lip.

"Get the hell away from me, Izaya."

A shadow of hurt tainted the ravenette's crimson eyes for a moment, but he quickly redawned the mask of immunity, a smug smirk, sarcasm.

"What's wrong, Shizu-chan~?" He cooed, sliding into the former bartender's lap, straddling his waist and pressing his groin against the other's stomach.

"You fucking LIED to me! That's what's wrong."

Izaya chuckled lightly, then pulled from his back pocket a flickblade, extending the knife and pressing it to the blonde's throat, making sure he was acutely aware of its presence. If he even swallowed...

"Ne, which side of the blade is sharper, Shizu-chan? The lie, or the truth? I'll tell you what. It's irrelevant. Dull or sharp, either one of those knives is going to slice your jugular open and you'll be left lying there on the ground bleeding out in a pool of your own blood for the whole fucking world to see. Understand?"

Shizuo only tensed, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes closed.

Izaya shifted slightly, then slashed the knife quick as a whip across the blonde's chest, splicing open his clothes and his flesh, right over the scar he'd given him upon their first meeting.

Shizuo took the pain in silence and braced himself for another attack, but it never came. He felt Izaya lean back some in his lap, so he opened one eye.

Just in time to watch the ravenette let out a breathy moan and lick the blood luridly from the blade in an extremely sexual manner.

The only thing more horrifying to him than the sight was the effect it left on him.

A pleasant tingling in his lower body... A warmth, a coiling of muscles...

Izaya was close enough to feel this change and he grinned devilishly, then moved to grind his hips some against the former bartender's body. Shizuo quickly shut his eyes again. Unfortunately, with bound hands that was about all he could do. His hearing and sense of touch were left completely vulnerable, and Izaya soon took advantage of that.

"Shii~ zuuu~ ooo~ -chaaan~ ...~" He teased, now sliding that wet, scarlet tinged tongue up the side of his ear.

"Why are you ignoring me, huh...~? You're not very good at it, you know... You never have been...~"

Shizuo made somewhat of a wet, rasped sound in the back of his throat, then spat a particularly large wad of saliva onto the other's face, splattering just underneath the information broker's cheekbone.

Izaya simply shrugged and wiped it off, then pulled his jacket and black V-neck shirt over his head and cast the clothing aside.

Shizuo's eyes widened, his breath hitching in his chest; realization of what the other's actions implied he wanted.

He at first tried to look away, but found himself unable to take his eyes of off the scene in front of him.

The ravenette's body...

The last time he'd involved himself with this person in such a way, he'd been forbidden from undressing him properly, and so hadn't gotten the chance to view him like this.

The information broker's body was thin and agile, porcelain skin stretched over a network of bones and light muscles that rippled and protruded gracefully from his skin in all the proper places. Collarbone sculpted, tight shoulder blades. His chest was smooth, only a small definition between pectoral muscles that were just flawless, milky flesh tipped by slightly pink taps on either side. His ribs danced over his skin, framing an almost too-thin stomach that melted into an ample, vaguely muscled, lithe abdomen, softly dipped in at the navel, then raised into sharp, sculpted hipbones, The hem of his jeans were sitting low enough to give the blonde a glimpse of his carved pelvis and the small, soft raise of flesh that padded his lower intestines and organs, as well as ultimately formed into his genitals, packaged away from Shizuo's view by his pants and underthings, teasing him.

Izaya watched the former bartender's gaze trail downward, assessing his figure, setting on his groin.

A large, Cheshire grim formed on his lips.

"Yeah, yeah, Shizu-chan likes what he sees~? Mn~?"

The blonde forced his eyes closed and shook his head.

" . . .No. I friggin' hate yer guts..."

Izaya sighed dramatically then yanked Shizuo's shirt and vest fully open and removed them from his frame.

"Ah, well. You got to see mine, so now I get to see yours, ne?"

He cooed, his lips curling devilishly. The blonde only scowled, but could do nothing as he was tied up.

Izaya had already gotten his way anyway, as the fabric originally shielding his upper body from view was now hanging limply off of his forearms. The ravenette's tongue slipped out and licked over his lips; Shizuo quickly looked away, trying his damnest to force his blood back into its regular cycle of circulation.

Izaya's spindly hands began to stroke, to massage over the former bartender's chest and pecs, trying to illicit more of a response, to seize more of Shizuo's attention.

This, also, was the first time the information broker had ever seen the other undressed like this. When him and the blonde had engaged in their rendezvous in his Shinjuku apartment, he'd unbuttoned Shizuo's shirt, but never removed the fabric any further. He'd gotten small glimpses while fighting Shizuo on the streets as well, when his blade would cut through the former bartender's clothes, but that did not even begin to compare with seeing the real thing all at one time. The ravenette let out a soft, enchanted sigh.

Shizuo's body was very different that his own. Better built, more tan, and saturated with solid muscle. Heavy pectorals, biceps, triceps, washboard-packed abs, fish scale-topped ribs broad shoulders, power-packed torso.

Holy hell...

This man's body was absolutely incredible. Gorgeous, modelesque, just dripping with the prospect of, oh god, SEX.

Izaya couldn't imagine why ANYONE would regret this person on such instincts.

His dress-pants hugged his waist, unfortunately for the ravenette they were a higher cut than his jeans, and the hemline rested just above the blonde's hips.

But looking the former bartender over, Izaya found his gaze trained on a prominent bulge between the blonde's legs, and its size was, well, directly proportionate to the build of the rest of his body.

Izaya wiped his mouth, for fear of being caught drooling.

God, he wanted that thing inside of him.

And he found himself seconds later scrambling to unbutton and unzip the fly of his pants, pushing the black fabric hurriedly off of the former bartender's hips and onto the floor.

"Ahh, what the hell are you doing?" Shizuo blurted, protestant, but the ravenette was dead-set, and his pants were on the ground.

"Ne~ Shizu-chan...~ Now this is more like it~"

And his white boxers were crumpled on the floor around his ankles, too.

Izaya's cheek grin grew even wider, gazing down at the other's think, standing erection and licking his lips again.

"God, what are you doin-" Shizuo began, but then trailed off when Izaya interrupted him.

"My, my~ Now aren't you just beastly down there, Shizu-chan~?"

"What the hell is wrong with you!"

Izaya tossed his head back and began to profess in an exuberant fashion describing what was before him, throwing his arms in the air.

"Alas...! And the sight I was privileged enough to behold was not the plaything of a boy, nor the weapon of a man, but a maypole, of so enormous a standard, that, had proportions been observed, it must have belonged to a young giant! In short, it stood an object of terror and delight!" Izaya fawned, now beginning to stroke his hand up and down over the other's swollen length.

Shizuo grit his teeth and whined, trying to squirm away from the information broker's touch, but the struggling movements only increased the amount of contact between the two.

"What... what... hell... are you talking... 'bout...-"

Izaya smirked and began to pump the length in his grasp with more vigor.

"Ah, its literature, Shizu-chan. Mr. Cleland's 'Fanny Hill' published in 1748... It's one of the most controversial and publicly banned book in history... It's one of the first pornographies officially published and the first pornographic piece of indulgence to take in the form of a novel... And to graphically describe a sodomy in detail... Though Miss Fanny wasn't exactly pleased to witness it...~"

Izaya continued to describe the plot of this book in detail, having clearly read it, as he continued with his ministrations. Shizuo couldn't really focus on or follow what Izaya was saying. His brain felt muddled and heavy, he had no doubt that it was because of whatever that woman from earlier had injected him with. The only thing that was clear in his mind was the sensation of arousal; the foreign chemical coursing through his bloodstream heightening the feelings of pleasure to such a point that even the slightest touch, a gentle brush over his skin sent ecstasy washing over his system and nearly brought him to climax. Each and every time.

Almost unconsciously, he was twitching his hips forward, rubbing and pushing his erection into the palm of Izaya's hand, whimpering some, urging for more contact, more simulation, which his companion was happy to give to him.

The blonde let out a soft moan, his body spilling with the first bout of pre-release. And before he knew what was truly going on, Izaya was slipping down onto his knees in front of the chair he was bound to; a pink tongue darting out and flicking up the shaft to catch some of the sticky seepage into his mouth.

Shizuo gasped heavily, a sort of breathy "H-Haah...~" that grew louder upon the wet, warm velvet of the ravenette's mouth enclosing gently around the upper portion of his length.

"Ngh, Izaya, hah, why are you..."

The information broker had looked up upon hearing his name, watching the other struggle to form words before his eyes ultimately rolled up into his head behind those cobalt sunglasses, then fell closed.

His arms struggled weakly against the bonds, and Izaya couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he untied him.

Would Shizuo simply beat him to a bloody pulp for essentially molesting him, or had he turned the blonde on enough that the instant he was unbound Shizuo would tear his clothing off, scoop him up into his arms and ravage his body until the two of them passed out, naked and spent, right on the floor, entangled in each other's limbs?

Although he found the latter to be the more preferable result, he knew that the situation in which the former bartender tore his LIMBS off was much more plausible.

And so, the leather straps keeping the other in the chair remained exactly where they were.

But still, Izaya had come a lot farther that where he'd started from. He'd began with locking himself up alone in the office, popping Lithium and hallucinating that his desk and tables and chairs were all alive, verbally abusing him and threatening to rape him repeatedly until he developed a severe case of 'Trunk-Butt'. And right now, not all too later, he was kneeling on the ground with his head between Shizuo's spread legs, sucking shamelessly and diligently on the blonde's member, massaging with both his hands what he could not stuff into his mouth, with Shizuo moaning and groaning his name because Namie had tied him up and tranquilized him, then shot him up with what had most likely been a mixture of Viagra, ecstasy and some off-shoot of Rohypnol.

This was against his will, he was technically, well, raping this person, simply because Shizuo was simply too drugged up to properly protest or fight him off.

"Hahh... Mhn... Izayaaa... Please, no... Don't... Don't... S-stop..."

And truly the former bartender was so inebriated and his words so slurred that the ravenette really couldn't tell if he meant 'Please, no, don't, stop' as in, 'Please, no, don't do this, stop this...' or, 'Please, no; don't stop, I want more, I want you to give me more...'

But at that point it really didn't matter anyway, because all at once Shizuo tossed his back and moaned raggedly; a noise at the crossroads between a groan of pleasure and a shameful, shaky cry of distress and emotional agony. And with that sound came a sudden, sticky, hot mess of liquids that spurted inside of his mouth. Izaya pursed his lips, firming them up tightly into an airlock around the other's length, sucking forcefully and squeezing his hands around the shaft to force out as much of the blonde's release as possible for him to swallow. He heard the former bartender shriek, as he truly felt like the ravenette was sucking the very life out of him with his orgasm, but Izaya continued the action, until he quite literally had drank the poor blonde dry.

Once he had finished, the information broker wiped his mouth then slinked back into the other's lap, waiting until Shizuo was looking at him before licking his lips once more.

"Ne~ And Shizu-chan tastes yummy, too~ "

Shizuo immediately squeezed his eyes shut.

"Don't talk like that..."

Izaya furrowed his brow innocently.

"Eh? But Shizu-chan is... He's salty, but sweet... Like the candies and pastries that he likes to eat... Mhn, try some, Shizu-chan..."

And he pressed his lips to that of the other's, letting his tongue slip its way into the blonde's mouth and exploring around, forcing between his lips a bout of saliva, mixed in with the think, leftover fluids of his release.

Shizuo became unresponsive, refusing to look at the information broker. Izaya attempted to tease the other's tongue with his own, trying to coax from him a reaction, any reaction at all, but the former bartender was stoic, and the ravenette eventually pulled away.

The feelings of rejection were all but crushing to him. Izaya was washed over with a sudden urge to break down, but he forced the beginnings of welling tears away, not wanting to do so in front of Shizuo's cold, hateful and unforgiving gaze. But such an instinct proved overwhelming for the information broker, so he grabbed the gag up off of the floor and affixed it on the blonde, then quickly scurried back into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

The monster was forbidden from witnessing his god at a point which he proved to be the weaker.

The instant he was safely secluded and alone, he let out a shivery sigh and sat down on the sink counter.

Shizuo truly was a monster.

Black-hearted, merciless, and uncaring.

Rejecting him.. After all of this...

Shizuo never once did what Izaya expected him to. He never had, and never would.

That was why he hated him so much.

And also, why he could not bring himself to stop loving him.

Perhaps it was the thrill of not knowing. The unexpected, the adrenaline that was the drug he'd become such a junkie for. He only ever got that feeling from Shizuo, no one else.

Really, the blonde had no idea he had a hold of the strings of Izaya's heart like this.

Every time the ravenette would open the door, in hopes to pass through and jump into his arms and be loved and cared for and soothed, Shizuo would slam it closed, simply to protect himself from harm.

And every time he slammed that door it would crush Izaya's heartstrings in the doorframe, leaving him bruised and wounded.

But Izaya was so determined, with Shizuo continuing to reject him, it only repeatedly slammed the door closed on his heart.

Over and over and over and over and over.

Letting out another weak sigh, suffering, Izaya dug around in the bathroom cupboard, took out a small bottle of lube and set to preparing himself.

He was getting ready to throw that door open, jump inside, peck the other on the lips before, like all the times in the past, Shizuo would toss it back, slam that metaphorical door closed and smash his heart again.

But for some reason, all the pain was worth it.

((Nyaa, I told you I'd have to split it! This is a small section of the last chapter. I was going to give you the whole thing in one sitting, but that would take me some time to type and I don't want you to think this story has gone dead or anything. Wow, there's still like 56 more pages left to go...

So, you shouldn't be disappointed. Although I said it was only one more chapter, it's a really, really long one, I promise you I won't be rushing it or anything. :)

-SheikNinja!~ ]]


	19. Chapter 17

Shizuo was sitting there, alone in the room, gagged, exposed, and tied to the chair.

Oh, yeah. And drugged, too.

He knew that there were still such chemicals in his system because his member had gone and re-erected itself and was beginning to seep fluids, without any sort of physical or mental stimulation at all.

He glanced quickly about the room, assessing his surroundings.

He wasn't entirely sure what his 'captor' was doing at that moment. He'd just gone and fled the room abruptly, without warning. But no doubt he would be back soon, and Shizuo had several theories regarding exactly what Izaya would do to him upon his return. Why the hell was this happening to him? He just wanted Izaya to fucking leave him the hell alone!

Because it hurt. It really, really hurt. He just was tired of having his emotions toyed with.

Because... He still, kind of... Had feelings...

But that didn't condone any of THIS.

This just... Just wasn't right.

This time, when Izaya returned to the room, he'd shed himself of his jeans, approaching Shizuo in nothing but his underwear; a pair of near-skintight very small black boxers that made the outline of his erection more than visible and brought attention to his pale white, creamy thighs.

He climbed into the blonde's lap once again, then asked, once more, but in a vague tone;  
"Do you like what you see?"

And just like before, the other replied with,

"I hate you."

Izaya said nothing more, simply pushing the boxers from his hips and kicking them off, emerging fully nude for the former bartender.

"And how about now?"

"I hate you!"

And even so, with that made clear, Shizuo still could not help but allow his eyes to feast upon the sight before him. (But he blamed the drug, of course)

Izaya, naked... In his lap, face flushed and ready to be fucked, reaching down and wrapping a hand around the shafts of both their members, stroking up and down and looking up into his eyes for any sort of approval.  
"Are you hard for me, Shizuo, or for the aphrodisiac...?"

The blonde only squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth to suppress a groan, feeling (What blood he had left) rush to the surface of his face.

Izaya bit his lip some, staring down at himself and the former bartender.

Shizuo's words told him to stop, stop, but his body told him he was absolutely begging for more. And he himself wanted the same...-

Ugh! what did Shizuo have to be so SELFISH?

He was only trying to make the both of them feel GOOD, but the blonde kept on freaking out and trying to make him stop! He was trying to keep him from getting what Izaya truly, truly, absolutely NEEDED, and so the ravenette became dead-set on defeating his rival.

"Shizu-chan..." Izaya purred, stroking the other's cheekbone and he continued to pump his fist over both of their lengths, looking up into the former bartender's eyes.

"See...~? This isn't so bad, right...~? It feels good, huh...~"

Shizuo's hard stare did not soften in the slightest, his mouth a tight frown.

"Does this get you off, Izaya?" He hissed.  
Izaya blinked a few times, then smirked, more or less to hide his discomfort.

"Ehh, what do you mean by that, Shizu-chan, I'm afraid I don't quite follow-"

"It's exactly as I said. It's not that hard to understand. It's a simple yes-or-no question. Does this get you off?"

The information broker hesitated. Normally he would have been able to flip the table lightning fast and turn all of this back against Shizuo, but the situation was already delicate enough as it was, and he felt rather unsettled his mind, filled with second thoughts and doubt.

"Is doing this bringing you sexual pleasure?" Shizuo repeated, clarifying, mocha eyes boring holes into the ravenette.

"...Heh, of course, Shizu-chan. Just look down, that's a bit plain to see-" But the former bartender chose to interrupt him again, his icy words all at once turning into needles and shards of glass.

"Is it the power trip? Is it the power trip that turns you on? Tying me up and injecting me with drugs and shit, then forcing yourself upon me, knowing I can't do anything to stop you?" He roared, leaning into Izaya's face as far as the bonds would allow and throwing his accusations like javelins.

"N-No...! No, not at all! Sh-...! Shizuo-! No-!" Izaya tried to defend himself, but the blonde had burst into full-on tirade.

"Is that what gets you hot? Huh? Because you know that otherwise I'd fucking crush you? You like that feeling of dominance? Because since you're such a fucking weak piece of shit that you gotta fight dirty? PUSSY! FUCKING PUSSY SHIT! You like that adrenaline rush? HUH? YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A COWARD! YOU'RE GARBAGE, ORIHARA! YOU SICK LITTLE FUCK!"

Izaya was growing more and more afflicted by Shizuo's outburst, horror taking over his expression, every word striking him hard, dead in the heart, assuming a demeanor much like a cornered animal.  
This was the man he 'loved'. All he was trying to do was express that 'love', to share it with him, and those hurtful words were Shizuo simply rejecting it. Rejecting him.

"You like being in control? HUH? WHAT'S NEXT? You gonna SNATCH some little girl up off of the street, pull her into a dark alley, drop your pants and make her touch you? You gonna make her take her panties off, no matter how many times she says that she thinks it's dirty? Touch her? Rape her? Then tell her if she tells on you, you'll kill her family? You got a preference, yet? Fourteen, fifteen? LIKE YOUR SISTERS? OR do you like them younger? HOW ABOUT A NICE LITTLE TWELVE YEAR OLD, BLUE-EYED, BLONDE HAIR IN PIGTAILS, WALKING HOME FROM SCHOOL, Y'KNOW, THE KIND THAT BEGS AND BEGS; 'PLEASE, STOP, STOP, I'LL DO ANYTHING, I'M JUST A LITTLE GIRL-'"

Izaya outright brought his hand across Shizuo's face as hard as he possibly could. Silencing him.

"SHUT UP!" He shrieked abruptly, shrill voice piercing the darkness.

The blonde was still, his head turned to one side with the force of the blow. Izaya gasped for breath, wide-eyed, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Don't act like you know ANYTHING about me, Shizuo. Because you have NO IDEA."

The blonde stared at him out of the corner of his eye, almost as if to challenge that.

Izaya grit his teeth.

"I'm not going to go anywhere NEAR that girl. The only person who sets me off like this is YOU. You've brought this upon yourself, Shizuo."

"Oh, yeah?" The blonde sneered, hostile, but Izaya ignored the offensive tone of voice. He was simply ignorant. Ignorant and filled with rage that blinded him, blinded him and blocked out all of the words Izaya was trying to get through to him. It was like trying to swim against a current.

"You brought this all upon yourself. It was what you did, what you said that caused this... And if you can't even see what this is..." Izaya trailed off when his voice cracked, then quickly wiped his eyes and grabbed his knife. He lunged the blade swiftly at Shizuo's head, and the blonde squeezed his eyes shut at the last moment. The knife buried itself to the hilt in the headrest of the leather chair, right beside the former bartender's left ear. Izaya collapsed onto him all at once, beating small balled fists down upon his chest.  
"If you can't see it, Shizuo, then just fuck you! FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU!"

His words seemed to echo throughout the room, and for once the blonde did not respond.

The entire office itself was washed over in an eerie silence.

Izaya clutched onto Shizuo's shoulders, leaned onto him and buried his face into his chest. His bony frame began to shake and quiver, almost like his very being was vibrating.

Shizuo did nothing at first, only stared straight ahead. However, despite his wounds, his bleeding heart still got the best of him.

"...Hey. Izaya." He murmured, breaking the silence, staring at the wall ahead of him. "Whatever you're doing right now... Just... Stop it."  
Izaya, of course, ignored him.

Shizuo swallowed some.  
"Dammit, I said stop it, flea... If you're crying-"

"Laughing." Came the breath of reply from the ravenette. Shizuo hesitated.

"L-Laughing? Why-"

"Because..." And there was a long pause. "After all of this, I can barely even feel how much it hurts anymore."  
The response Izaya gave him was one he sat there and dwelled on for a long time. There was a lot of meaning to it. Maybe the information broker's acting skills weren't as good as he thought they were because Shizuo could see just how shallow the whole performance really was.  
That, or maybe this time what he was seeing was actually the real Izaya Orihara.

But he was not particularly keen on making that assumption again.

The blonde spoke slowly, making sure each word was deliberate and had clear intention.  
"I don't want to do this with you anymore, Izaya... I don't want to play the game anymore... It's been almost ten years, and I only sustain more and more psychical and emotional pain... I just want to stop all of this... I don't want you to be a part of my life any longer..."  
"Shizuo-" Izaya gasped.  
"I don't want to kill you anymore, Izaya... Because after all that has happened now, if I did it would just tear me apart... But if you don't stop pursuing me like this... I'll have to... I can't take this..."

The information broker pinched his lips together, then sat up.

"Then it's a game of survival, Shizuo. Because I can't stop pursuing you. I go through more pain in solitude than what you could ever inflict on my body... And I'm not just going to give up, either... In order for one of us to be happy, then the other one will have to suffer... We'll be fighting like this until once of us drops dead." Izaya paused and cleared his throat. "And right now, you're the one in check."

And with such thoughts in mind, Izaya lifted his pelvis slightly, grabbed hold of the former bartender's erection, lined the head up with his entrance and swiftly impaled himself, shoving Shizuo's member deep within the sheath of his own insides.

The blonde's head flew back and he let out a long, drawn out moan mixed with a strangled sort of cry.

Izaya clenched his jaw tightly. Although he was properly lubricated, such a rough initial penetration was still painful and stung some.

"H-Hah! What the fuck? G-Get off!" Shizuo demanded, but at this point the information broker just refused to listen. He placed either one of his hands on the blonde's shoulders and began to slide himself up and down. Shizuo struggled to break free of the bonds, thrashing violently about in the chair, all but absolutely screaming, but his attempts to escape proved moot and only drained him of his energy.

Izaya continued to force himself upon the other, rocking his body and eliciting moans and groans from his unwilling 'seme.' Somewhat curious, he reached up and peered behind Shizuo's sunglasses.

The blonde's mocha eyes were glazed and lacked natural luster, the drug having fogged his eyes over with some almost milky film, the clarity and sparkle stolen away.

He looked almost like a zombie.

A little horrified, Izaya put the sunglasses back on him and tried to go back to slamming himself down on the former bartender's length, but the other's unresponsive state was starting to get to him now.

He wanted Shizuo to FUCK HIM, he did not want to have to sit there and fuck himself with Shizuo's dick.

He grabbed hold of the blonde's face and searched his eyes desperately.

"Shizuo...! If, if I untie you, hah, you'll keep on fucking me, right? You won't leave me now, right? You want me, right?"

"Mmmghhnn...!"

Izaya took it upon himself to slap him again.

"Shizuo!"

"Mmgh! Yes! Yes..."

Not entirely secure in Shizuo's answer but needy enough, Izaya unbound the former bartender's arms with the knife and let them fall to the floor.

Shizuo stared at him, free, but not moving. He reached up and gently touched the side of Izaya's face, his bruised lips murmuring something intelligible, staring into the other's crimson eyes with an almost innocent expression.

And then he threw the information broker on the ground, came up behind him, yanked him up onto his hands and knees. The blonde grasped the ravenette's hips for leverage and slammed himself inside, roughly, to the hilt, and Izaya came.

More out of sheer shock of pain than out of any pleasure.

"Huuiegh! Sh-Shizuo!" He blurted, making a noise almost like he'd been punched in the stomach. (And in all irony he kind of had, in a way; just from the inside.) His eyes began to water from pain, member falling limp, dripping with an unsatisfying release. He felt as though his heart was about to burst through his ribcage, his chest was rising and falling so fast with his frantic breathing. But Shizuo did not relent. He put a hand to the back of Izaya's head and pushed his face into the floor, smashing his hips forcefully into the submissive male's body, now with the sole drive to inflict pain.

The information broker whimpered in his agony, pressing a weak hand to his abdomen and good god, he could feel the blonde as he thrust in and out, so hard it was actually distending his stomach. It was very distressing for him to be able to look down and have the other shoved so deep inside of his body that there was an actual protrusion just underneath his navel from Shizuo's member pushing unforgivingly against his insides. He attempted to shift himself so he could take the former bartender in at least more comfortably, only to have Shizuo then start to thrust even harder, even more violently.

"Don't you dare." The blonde hissed, gravel in his voice. "You fucking DESERVE this."  
Apparently now Shizuo had changed his mind and wanted to hurt him again, it seemed. Ahh. Perhaps forcing sex upon him hadn't been the best idea. Still, he never would have expected for him to react in this way.

The ravenette squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shrill cry of pain, tears now beginning to stream freely down his cheekbones; the other grinning sadistically upon noticing this.

Now he really was on the wrong end of that strength he'd sought after. He'd slipped up. Said the wrong words, did the wrong thing, moved the wrong piece to the wrong square. Shizuo was winning now. Putting him into check, check, check, with so many different pieces, blocking out what seemed like all of his potential escapes. Where was he supposed to move the king?

Was this checkmate?  
Had he lost after all?

Trying to distract himself from the pain equally from the fear, Izaya tightened his grip on the handle of his . . . .

He still had his knife.

HIS KNIFE. HE HAD A KNIFE. GOD, GOD, GOD, HE HAD A KNIFE. HE STILL HAD A FIGHTING CHANCE.  
MOVE THE KING, GET THE PAWN TO THE END OF THE BOARD, BRING BACK THE QUEEN AND WIN.  
YES!

Izaya swung up at the seme with the blade, trying to fight the other off of him. Metal sank into flesh, into solid muscle that sprayed blood when he slashed across it. A howl of pain filled his ears, the monster clutched at the gash down his forearm, and he lunged again with the knife, the prospect of getting away from the pain had distracted his common sense. He swung too wide; Shizuo foresaw it and latched his fingers around Izaya's thin wrist. Catching him.

There was a sickening pop, a blood-curdling scream, and then Shizuo tossed the knife out of his reach.

He pulled himself from the information broker's body and flipped him onto his back, immediately shoving back inside and earning another shriek of agony, pain.

"It hurts, doesn't it, flea? I can't believe you actually thought I'd let you get off easy... And for that right there, you've just sealed your fate. Funny thing is, this doesn't even compare to what you did to me..."

Izaya closed his eyes, but he could still hear the former bartender's voice, which to him was more agonizing that the violent acts Shizuo was performing on his body.

Namie had been right all along, and he was an idiot for thinking he was above everyone else.

For thinking that because he was above humanity he was good enough to simply bypass such human ideals as hate and love.

Love had defeated him first; he had succumbed to his need for this person, and because of that he'd come this far, at least. But Shizuo still hated and despised his very existence, and it didn't matter how much he loved the other. Hate was always going to win over. That was the real world.

He hated Shizuo for making him feel this way. For making him addicted to something that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, he just couldn't have. He hated Shizuo for not sharing his feelings. He hated Shizuo for not understanding what he'd been trying to tell to him all along. He hated Shizuo for what awful, horrific, agonizing things he was doing to him now.

But in Izaya's own world, the strength of his love would always outweigh his hate by tenths fold. Really, he lived for the sole purpose of loving.  
And his next actions were purely out of that sick, pathetic, twisted love for the monster.

The ravenette smirked to himself through the pain, dipping his head to acknowledge that he didn't have any understanding of what he was about to do or what it would cause. He reached forward and gently took hold of the thin beam of black plastic resting above the former bartender's ear; trailing a few fingers down the bridge of his nose as he slipped the cobalt blue-lensed sunglasses off of his face and placed them on the floor a few feet away.  
He held his breath the best he could in shadow of the vicious actions the other was performing. Slowly, hesitating as he closed the space between, crimson eyes wide open and watching for the other's reaction as he gingerly brushed his lips over the blonde's, trying to convey to him that he truly needed him, after all of this, that for once he was honest.

Honest.

And as lips met, Shizuo's aggressive movements began to slow, and then stopped altogether, mocha eyes wide with confusion and drawn in by the other. For a moment those eyes were free of the shell of violence and exposed a man who was pained, vulnerable and weak. The other side of his persona. Someone who beyond wounds was docile, childish. Within those eyes was a man who was oversensitive to the world around him; the type of person that, instead of becoming distraught would become offensive and aggressive, shielding this more delicate side of him with intimidation and violence, attacking anything that posed him the slightest threat.

It was obvious that he felt very, very threatened by Izaya, even now. But perhaps that kiss had broken down those walls, and now he was left exposed and unsure of what to do.

Izaya truly had no desires to hurt him anymore, any longer. Those desires had fallen away over a long period of solitude.

And out of all of the fog of his conflictions, feelings, desires that eluded his sanity; Shizuo's lips returning his kiss became the first rays of sunshine that shone through, began to clear his mind of the haze, and led him home.

This feeling...

It was the desire to be loved. To be loved by both Shizuo and by himself.

He was already capable of giving love.  
He wanted to be human now, so he would finally be capable of receiving it.

Humans were the ones who received all of the love. He himself poured his heart out to the humans.

This was the desire, for once in his life, to be loved in return.

The only way someone as inhuman as he was to be loved was to find someone equally monstrous.  
Shizuo Heiwajima was the only person in this world, no, the universe, who even came close.

And thus he was infatuated with him.

But even so, he did not 'love' Shizuo, as he was human enough that he was unable to love a monster.

The intensity of the sheer, raw need he felt for Shizuo was not 'love.'

Such a word so commonly tossed about by mere human could not possibly describe it.

It was so complex, even more so than what he defined his 'love' for humanity to be; that not one person on the entire damned planet other than Shizuo would ever, ever be able to even begin to understand it.

THAT, was how strong his emotions were.  
It was all such a complexity, but yet it was the truest feeling he'd ever known.

And when he felt the blonde's lips move against his own, kissing him back ever so slightly, softly, gently, it sent a chill up his spine, goose bumps over his skin.

Yet it made him feel warm, like there was still a small shred of something good in the world.

Like the non-existent gods above had been crazy enough to take pity upon his sinful being and had offered him one final chance to make everything right.

And so he seized it.

[[So sorry about the wait between this chapter and the last one, guys! DX I had to take my course finals, and spent a lot of time studying. Anyways. What did you think of the chapter above? You like? You hate? I have to admit that I'm really, really proud of this one. This chapter had been sitting on my dinner plate for a while, and I had a lot of plans for it that I think I managed to get down pretty well. I worked rather hard on word usage here.  
It's always been hard for me as an author to convey Izaya's personal values in a fanfiction AND honor how 'complex' he stated they are in the canon. When I wrote his 'masturbation' scene a few chapters back, I tried to give somewhat a glimpse into his mind and what his values might weigh, but also acknowledge his distress at that point by making his thoughts very muddled and tangled. Here we've sorted them out a bit more, his mind is a little more focused, and I think I've portrayed it rather clearly without directly SAYING it. *fingers crossed you guys like it*

Another thing that I'm really genuinely proud of is the portion when it's talking about what's in Shizuo's eyes. I felt that I captured him and his own mindset very, very well. I've roleplayed Shizuo (Yes. I roleplay.) for about a year now and have gotten to spend time thinking about how his brain works. I really don't see him as a bad person, to be honest. He's more or less like a little kid. And I'm not just talking about his food preferences or the no alcohol/gambling thing. He's really very sensitive to things around him, and doesn't have a complete understanding of the world or concepts like death or faith or love. And I think to make up for that vulnerability he puts up walls. Or a 'shield'. He shields himself from the rest of the world and what harm it might bring him with violence and intimidation. He scares people away to avoid being hurt by them, and that has progressed out of his control, now he feels the need to scare people away equally to avoid hurting them himself.

On another note, There should be about three to five more chapter updates before this thing is finished. :)

-Sheikninja- ]]


	20. Chapter 18

Izaya parted his lips almost unconsciously within the kiss, not having to think to know he wanted more, to deepen it, He broke for air briefly then circled back. Shizuo interrupted him without hesitation, meeting Izaya's open mouth with his own, his own tongue slipping in and eagerly greeting Izaya's own muscle before their lips had even fully met. He kept the action up as long as possible, never wanting to pull away; he'd finally, finally gotten somewhere, and he could only hope that Shizuo felt the same way. And then Shizuo's hands were on either side of his face, holding him captive.

Within the very contact Izaya witnessed, felt, breathed the other inside as his anger and aggression transformed into love and passion, still a force the information broker was unable to hold back. His power to destroy and maim were one thing, but when Shizuo was able to use that power in a way that was pure, that he actually felt good about, he came back stronger than ever. Izaya shivered in anticipation, unable to contain his excitement at the thought of Shizuo using that power to give to him, to ravage him, finally, positive attention, attention that he would be the sole receiver of. That excitement came out in needy moans and soft whines against Shizuo's smoky cigarette kiss. It came out in the way his body fell into position, begging to be properly soiled, and the way his limbs did whatever they could to pull Shizuo closer, desperate for him to give, give, give.

Give everything he had.

But he was running out of breath, and soon was forced to resurface and regain air in his lungs. Izaya opened his eyes and started to say something, to keep this going. But the blonde had already scooped his frame up into his strong arms, bridal-style, his arms and legs dangling.

Izaya suddenly felt very spoiled. Did he really deserve this? Even after how he'd taken advantage of this person, then kicked him to the curb? That feeling was paired with an air of inferiority. He was no longer in control; if Shizuo really wanted to he could snap him in half.

Ah. He felt like that frail, newborn kitten again. Shielded from the rain underneath the blonde's jacket, as he walked down the sidewalk with the intention of taking him back to his apartment.

Things within the other male's mind were operating quite differently.

Shizuo had interpreted the other's initial kiss to be... exactly was it was. He really wanted no part of any of this; the angst and wallowing and longing and ache, the mindless violence that came with it. Sure, he'd wanted to hurt the other only moments before. Wanted to inflict upon him physically what he was feeling inside. (Did that mean that he'd felt like Izaya's actions had been forcefully raping him? Maybe.) But violence had never been his shtick. The kiss had withheld a wispy chance for something better, that he'd latched onto.  
Izaya feeling something genuine for him? That was possible? He acted upon it like it was his religion.  
Contrary to his notorious reputation, he truly was a lover, not a fighter. All he wanted was to end the war between and embrace peace.

Peace.

Shizuo met the ravenette's eyes graciously, a small smile which Izaya mirrored.

The former bartender's lips slipped to his neck and set to kissing affectionately at the soft skin. Izaya could hardly believe things were going this well for him, all of the sudden, that such a simple gesture had sparked such a change within the other.  
Heh, maybe Shizuo really did share his feelings after all. ...No. He... He had to. With the way Shizuo was treating him now; that was the only plausible explanation.  
So much needed to be said, so many wounds needed to be stitched closed. But all that mattered at that moment was contact, was to be as close together as possible. Maybe it was due to the recent distance that had been thrust between the pair needing to be cut apart, maybe it was due to the initial sexual charge that came with the situation. All Izaya wanted now was fornication and to make amends for all of the misgivings, to fix all the scars that may not have ever been pierced with wounds in the first place.

Shizuo seemed to be thinking the same thing, as he placed Izaya back up in the office chair, eagerly mounted the uke and settled himself up between Izaya's thighs, the skin quickly becoming heated. The information broker let out a breathy moan and groaned to voice exactly how much he wanted it IN . . .

The blonde leaned forward and pressed the tip of his length against the small opening to Izaya's body. The information broker gasped slightly at the contact, feeling self confidence regain itself at the idea of being needed; even more so upon realizing that Shizuo was waiting for him, granting hid the control of the situation. The ravenette felt his cheeks flush some, letting out a soft cry of personal pleasure before his took hold of the base of the seme's standing member and pushed the head of it inside of himself, moaning needily. Shizuo smirked some, nodding and keeping eye contact with the other male.  
"Keep going~" He encouraged, then went back to mouthing at the information broker's neck, leaving light hickeys.  
"Oh, Shizu-chan...~ Hahh, mmn...~" The uke purred, looking up at the other longingly. He groaned again, gripping the blonde's shaft and eagerly feeding more of Shizuo's thick member into his body.

"Ahah, mhmmn~... It's in...~" He cooed, arching his back some against the chair. It occurred to him as somewhat funny that he was sitting in the chair Shizuo had been tied to earlier, this time the blonde more than willing to engage him in a sexual act.  
"Ahh...~ That's good, flea... " Shizuo responded, then went ahead and pushed himself the rest of the way inside, right to the hilt. Izaya let his head fall back and gave a weak moan. The blonde felt the other's insides tighten around him slightly and groaned, enjoying the feeling of that narrow passage enclosing around him, constricting, very warm and slick with slimy lube, almost trying to suck him in, to coax him to go even deeper. Izaya shuddered, cheeks flushing a soft red.

"Sh-... Shizu..."  
Ah, are you ready, flea...~?" The blonde huffed, grinning some. Izaya nodded rapidly.  
Shizuo pulled out a ways, then buried himself back inside, then repeated, and repeated, and repeated; until he'd established a steady, rocking pace. Izaya latched onto Shizuo's shoulders and wrapped his legs around the blonde's waist, moaning wantonly, without inhibition.  
"Oh, Shizuooo~! Ahh, yeah~! Mh~!"  
The former bartender chuckled, kissing the other's neck as he continued to thrust into him. Izaya's fingernails dug into the former bartender's back, his toes curling with his delight as every one of Shizuo's movements brought him absolute ecstasy. he could feel that sheer power behind each and every thrust into his body, immense strength and power that brought him nothing but euphoria. Shizuo found his prostate with ease and abused it mercilessly, pounding into the delicate bundle of nerves over and over.  
Izaya leaned his head back and parted his lips, crimson eyes rolling up into his head, letting out soft cries of 'Uhhh, uhhh, uhhh' in time with the blonde's movements. He shivered delightfully as the former bartender made his way back up to his lips, allowing a hand to wander upwards, his fingers trailing feather touches up his ribs before settling alongside his chest. The ravenette gave a small breathy sigh as the other's thumb brushed over one of his nipples, testing, beginning to stroke and circle more fervently upon confirmation of the uke enjoying it; the small tap of flesh erecting itself underneath his touch.  
Shizuo smirked some, pecking the information broker's lips quickly before slipping down and enclosing his mouth around the standing bit protruding Izaya's chest, letting his hand slide across and rub on the bump mirroring on the opposite side.  
The ravenette moaned silkily, letting his eyes fall closed and his body arch into the other's ministrations, sighing as the blonde began to tease at the skin with his tongue, all the while continuing to buck his hips upwards and into the other male's body. He could feel a certain hot, fluttering sensation starting to coil up within his groin, triggering his muscles to tense. Shizuo made his way back up to Izaya's face, gritting his teeth. The ravenette nuzzled affectionately into the blonde's neck, cooing some when the seme's voice rumbled as he managed to choke something out.  
"Mgh, gettin' close, flea..."  
Izaya let out a pleasure d moan and pulled Shizuo close.  
"Ahah, me too, me too, hah, I'm just holding it back now, mhn, Shizu-chan, I'm almost, almost th-there...~!"  
The former bartender could tell by the tone of the other's voice that he was quite a bit further along than he himself. Letting out a harsh groan, he reached around and grasped Izaya's seeping, pleasure-swollen arousal, picking up the speed of his hips and beginning to pump the uke's member in time with each of his thrusts. The ravenette cried out loudly, clawing at the former bartender's back. Shizuo grunted some, shrugging the pain off, and murmured breathlessly into the other's ear.  
"Hah, I want to come together...!" The information broker squeezed his eyes shut at whimpered.  
"Oh, g-god, Shizu-cha-an... Shiz-zu-chan I can't, I can't h-hold it back any longer!" He struggled, and before the seme could say anything edge-wise or encourage the other male towards the contrary, Izaya tossed his head back wildly (And smacked the back of his head into the chair)  
"OH GOD, Sh-Shizu, I'm COMING~!"

The blonde felt the other's body seize up, and, as he wanted to release simultaneously. tightened his grip on the uke's erection and pressed the pad of his thumb firmly into the vein just on the underside of the ravenette's length, blocking any ejaculate. Izaya's body bore down in the throes of his orgasm and he let out a long ragged moan; his insides constricting and tightening up around Shizuo's length, much to the blonde's delight. The ravenette felt the rush of his release try to expel itself from his body, only to be stopped short. Panicked, he forced his eyes open , but he only saw white. The information broker gave a shrieking, desperate wail, but Shizuo held tight, continuing to thrust into him, forcing him to endure the overstimulation, his body still in dire need of a fluid release, and he was so far along that there was no way he'd be able to just move on without getting that build-up out of him.  
He was going to have to do it again...  
Shizuo kept right on relentlessly slamming into his insides. Izaya's heart was beating so fast, he felt that it was going to burst out of his chest. The first orgasm had already drained him of so much of his energy, surely the relapse would cause him to pass out. And, god, he could already feel the muscles in his groin tensing and coiling up again as his body prepared itself for another attempt at expulsion.

"God, god, god, Shizuo, Shizuo I'm gonna cum AGAIN!" He screeched in an absolute desperation. But once again, everything surged forward only to have the seme hold him back and ride out the contractions for his own pleasure.  
Izaya's eyes were wide open and streaming, mouth agape.  
Shizuo groaned lustily, aroused to no end by the wet velvet of Izaya's insides tightening around his member, pulling, like the other's body was trying to suck him in.  
Screaming, the ravenette clawed and tore frantically at the flesh of the blonde's back until he drew blood, banging his head against the back of the chair over and over.  
"SHIZUO YOU PISSHOLE! HAHH, AHH, LEMME CUM, I GOTTA CUM! F-FUCK...-!"  
Shizuo grinned and rested his chin on Izaya's shoulder, releasing the constricting hold he'd had on the uke's length and taking the shaft instead, giving it a rough, rigorous massaging rub to assist the other male's needs.  
Izaya threw himself towards the sky and within a few moments began to climax again. When his insides began to clench tight Shizuo let out a long, drawn-out groan and clutched Izaya's waist. His voice, however, was drowned out by the near-ear-splitting cry that tore its way from the information broker's throat as he shot his load violently from within himself,; several spurts of hot, sticky white fluids that splattered his own stomach as well as his seme's chest.

"Ah, mhmn, god, Izaya~!" Shizuo cried, squeezing his eyes shut as he, too hit his orgasm, pumping thick fluids into the uke's spasming body; emptying himself within the other male.

It took him a few moments to carry himself back down from his high. Upon regaining common sense and reason, he had to jump to catch his companion around the waist, as, with Izaya leaning back and him leaning forward, they'd capsized the office chair. He grabbed hold of Izaya just before the chair he was sitting in hit the ground. Izaya himself had fallen limp; the over-stimulation and pleasure had proved too much for him to handle and he'd fallen 'unconscious', or at least didn't have the energy to keep his eyes open or respond to his environment.  
The blonde couldn't really blame him; the poor ravenette had been forced through three, powerful, consecutive orgasms, without any time to rest in between.  
Shizuo smirked lightly and lifted his ragdoll figure up into his arms, carried him across the room, then laid his crimson-eyed uke's nude figure down gently on the black leather couch. He bent down and brushed a few pieces of sweat-dampened black hair away from the information broker's face, whose cheeks were still absolutely scarlet and very hot to the touch.  
Shizuo then moved downward and placed the palm of his hand on the other's chest, over his heart.

Izaya's heartbeat was thumping rapidly in his chest, Shizuo was able to feel each individual beat pump and pulse just under his skin, with his breath coming out in quick, shallow pants that began to slow as he, respectively, began to recover. The former bartender glanced downward and noticed the mess that had spread itself across the ravenette's stomach. Smirking, he scooped up the majority of the offending substance with his fingers, then, after thinking for a moment, slipped the stickied digits into his mouth.  
Mmmh... It bore just the same bizarre taste as it had before. He discovered more of uke's ejaculatory fluids splattered on his own chest, and in the process of bringing it up to his lips accidently smeared some of it into the long, open cut Izaya had given him. He winced, as the salt from such fluids stung the raw wound, but he simply pushed the pain aside; bending down and pressing his lips gallantly to that of the other's. Then he proceeded to climb up onto the couch himself, straddling the ravenette's body so he could kiss him more fully.

It wasn't long before such an action stirred the information broker's senses up enough to prompt him to open his eyes.  
Izaya's arms almost instinctively draped themselves over Shizuo's shoulders and he began to kiss back, only to have the blonde take his hips and lean back into the corner of the couch, lifting up from his lying position and pulling him into his lap.

"So this is what you really look like..." From the context and the way he was speaking Shizuo at first assumed he was referring to his nudity. "Never before have I gotten to look in your eyes when they weren't contorted with hatred... You're so beautiful, Shizuo... You're eyes are so gentle... I've never seen you like this before..."  
Shizuo blinked a few times, wide-eyed, certainly taken aback by the straightforward compliment the other attributed to him without any second thought. He brushed it off quickly, however, and flipped the pressure back onto Izaya.  
"Now that you're satisfied, I believe you have some explaining to do, flea~" He stated in a somewhat teasing tone, wrapping his arms affectionately around the information broker's waist and interlocking his fingers. Izaya blinked a few times, at first taken aback by the open gesture, only to have a large, genuine smile spread across his face a moment later.  
"Ne~ I suppose so~, Shizu-chan."  
"For starters, why don't you tell me why you've been so hung up on me recently...~"  
Izaya paused for a moment to think things over.  
"Shizuo... I've been thinking about you a lot recently. And, I... Hah, I'm not even GAY, you're the only other guy that I feel like this for, hell, you're the only PERSON I feel like this for... You're so inhuman, and I'm attracted to that... I've had feelings for you ever since Shinra first introduced us... I faked being on my deathbed really just to hurt you, at first, but then... we did that thing... and you said you 'loved me', I... I wanted you to keep saying that to me, over and over and over... I realized that we, we could really be something, but... I'd gone and screwed everything up with trying to h-hurt you... Shizuo, I made you hate me so much because I couldn't bear not being bathed in your attention... All these years, Shizuo...! That's why I did everything..."  
Shizuo's eyes never once left Izaya's near pokerfaced. The ravenette bit his bottom lip somewhat and waited apprehensively for the blonde to speak.  
"Izaya... You could have... You could have just told me... We wasted nearly ten years... You could have just told me..."  
But the information broker shook his head.  
"I'd had rather slit my own throat than risk you rejecting me... So I forced myself to settle for obtaining the lowest and least risky part of you... Your hatred... If I settled for the lowest, then, then even if you 'rejected' me, rejected 'hating' me, then it really could only get better, right...? Just as long as you didn't ignore me..."  
Shizuo reached forward and touched the side of the information broker's face.  
"Izaya..."  
"...After I took... Took my jacket back, you started ignoring me... Started just turning around and walking away instead of attacking me...! So I starved myself, and I took a lot of pills I shouldn't have, and then I... I..."

Izaya held up his wrists so the blood could see the long, vertical scars where the self-inflicted wounds had healed.  
He watched the expression in Shizuo's mocha eye's taint in a mixture of dismay and guilt.  
"You... You hurt yourself... Deliberately..."  
Shizuo spoke almost as if he could not understand the sheer magnitude of the information broker's actions.  
"Because it was the only way I could get my mind off of the pain I was feeling over you, Shizuo..."

The blonde swallowed harshly, then took each of Izaya's pale, bony hands within his larger, calloused ones, squeezing then some to keep close to the other, meeting his crimson eyes.  
"Izaya..." His voice was gentle and soft, yet firm, and the ravenette was captivated. "I don't want to ever see you hurt yourself like this, ever again. It just... It rips me up, real bad. When I look back on all the awful things you've said and done to me, I have a hard time saying this, but... I really care about you. I do love you, you know."

The information broker's eyes seemed to glisten like rubies, staring up at the other, enchanted.  
"Shizu-chan... Loves me...! So, I guess, that means I have to be human after all...~ Mhm, thank you for that, Shizuo."  
The blonde's eyebrows furrowed somewhat in confusion, but before he was able to say anything, the ravenette started speaking again,  
"Nyaa~ Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan~ I want to start over with you... Start everything over, ne?" He grabbed the former bartender by his shoulders and pressed their bodies together. Even if it wasn't intended to be sexual, Shizuo still felt arousal coiling in his groin. He felt somewhat naughty about it because he didn't know if his uke would be able to handle another round. He grit his teeth.  
Izaya reached over to the coffee table and scooped up the sleek alligator leather glasses case that his secretary had left at the office. He popped it open and slipped the thin-framed reading glasses onto his face, then pinched the bridge of his nose and assumed a nasally tone of voice.  
"Aye, Shizuo-kun. This is my friend Izaya Orihara, and he is an asshole." He took the glasses off and placed them back in their case.  
The blonde chuckled somewhat before pecking a few times at the other's lips.  
"You're such a dork..."  
Izaya threw his arms into the air.  
" 'Such a dork'? Dork? That isn't any better than 'you piss me off!' Argh! First meeting, take three!"  
"...I love you?"  
Izaya folded his arms over his chest and bounced somewhat in his lap. Shizuo flushed pink and quickly looked away.  
"Nope, you're too out of character. Angsty, hormonal teenage Shizu-chan would never make such a proclamation upon first meeting someone. Try again~ Wow, you think you'd be good at this considering how Kasuka is your brother and all, Shizu-chan. I guess you weren't kidding when you said you couldn't act."  
Shizuo paused for a moment to think.  
"Uhh... Hi. I'm Shizuo?"  
"RRRK! Wrong! That's boring. Try again."  
Bounce.  
"Who are you?"  
"RRRK! Shinra just told you that, remember?"  
Bounce.  
"I forgot my line?"  
"RRRK! Clever, but no. Try again."  
Bounce. Bounce.  
"Okay, okay! Ugh, stop bouncin' on me, dammit flea, 'yer makin' me hard."  
Izaya rolled his eyes , then reached down, took the former bartender's length in his hand and with somewhat of a groan slipped it back inside of himself, still sitting in his lap.  
"There. Now actually try, Shizu-chan. This is important to me.  
"Mmmnh...~ 'Izaya Orihara', huh...?" Shizuo murmured, then snaked his way up to the shell of the ravenette's ear. "Nice to meet you~ I can already tell we're gonna have some real fun together~"  
Izaya felt color rise in his cheeks, and he was unable to stop himself from grinning. Shizuo smiled, pleased by the other's positive reaction.  
"Is that good enough?" The ravenette smirked, then met the other's lips briefly.  
"For now~"  
The blonde chuckled lightly, ruffled the information broker's silky jet black hair and pulled him down on top of him. He placed a hand on the small of Izaya's back, gently pushinf his rear down onto his arousal, then he began to buck his hips up very slightly; the lubricant and ejaculate that already filled his insides giving rise to a wet, perverse sort of noise that came with each of his shallow thrusts. Izaya cooed softly in pleasure, nuzzling into the former bartender's neck. Shizuo, having taken a liking to the feeling of the other's hair, brought his free hand upwards and interwove his fingers into the uke's raven feather locks. He buried his noise into his companion's hair and inhaled deeply, letting his eyes fall closed. He allowed himself to become immersed in the other's scent. minty shampoo, the smooth texture of his skin, the way his gentle heartbeat fell into near perfect synchronization with his own.  
He tried to take in as much of the ravenette's being as he could, to make up for all the time they'd spent hating, hating instead of truly living.  
Looking back on everything now, this all made perfect sense.  
In spite all the time and energy he had wasting searching for a kindred spirit in a woman, it was clear that Izaya was the sole person in the world who could possibly fill that void.  
Each had been a permanent part in the other's life from the moment of their first meeting. They had always been meant to exist in tandem with each other, perhaps even as soul mates; it had simply taken the two of them this long to realize it.  
He was frustrated over all of the hurt he'd experienced at the other's hands, hut that could have been avoided; just as he felt equally guilty over all of the pain and suffering he'd inflected upon the ravenette in malicious vengeance.  
But all of those emotions paled in comparison to all of the utter, painfully sweet relief he felt simply to be holding the information broker in his arms now.  
It was the same feeling that a mother may experience upon reuniting with a child who'd been, say, kidnapped and missing for months on end.  
Absolute bliss, relief and joy, coupled with an urge to break down and burst into tears.  
Only he had been reunited with the chance for happiness, an emotional sanctuary within another; which was something that had been stolen away from him since before he could remember.  
And he knew without a doubt now that Izaya felt the same way.

To be honest Izaya was growing quite fond of 'being loved on.' He'd ever really engaged himself with another person in this sense before. He enjoyed the compassion, the affection, feeling special.

The ravenette rose himself some, looking at his companion's closed eyelids, placing the pads of two spindly fingers gingerly on the other's barely parted lips.  
Caramel, mocha brown eyes opened and met with ones ruby red.  
"Shizuo..." The information broker's voice was barely any more than a whisper and stained with his desperation. The blonde spoke without moving his lips, gentle eyes speaking in the clearest language of them all; a curious, breathless sort of 'Yes...?'  
Izaya took a small breath himself before he continued to speak.  
"Can you... Can you promise me that this will last...? That it won't just go back to the way it was before...?  
And he swore he felt the earth move beneath him.

The two of them continued together well into the night. All sense of time stopped for the two of them, in that high end office building, stories and stories into the skyscraper that looked over the billion neon, golden, silver city lights and pierced the evening sky, with the stars above, and yet it all seemed to be over much too quickly.

Izaya slipped from his needy arms and darted from the room just as he came back down from the high of sex, so he simply sat back down at lit himself a cigarette, puffing on it, lost in thought, letting the nicotine course through his veins and wash over his conflictions.  
It was all supposed to be perfect, now, and yet he still had holes in his desires, needs that were still unfulfilled.

Izaya came back into the room with a blanket and a laptop which he placed on the coffee table in front of the couch, turned on, brought up the internet and began typing queries into a search engine.  
Shizuo laid himself down on the couch, watching the fluorescent bluish glow from the computer screen illuminate the ravenette's facial features in the dark of the office, lazy dragons of smoke birthing themselves from his lips and taking flight for a few precious moments before dissipating into nothing, poisoned by the surrounding air.  
Izaya brought up the live webcast of New York Times Square. It was early afternoon on that side of the world, small collections of pixels making up individual people hustling around on the last few minutes of their lunch hours before scrambling to get back to their jobs.

The ravenette laid himself down on the couch alongside Shizuo, enchanted by the images on the screen, draping the blanket over their nude, parallel figures. The blonde rested his chin atop the other's head and wrapped his arms around Izaya's waist, only to have him grab his hand, place it against his heat and hold it there, both of his small pale hands clutching slightly to Shizuo's fingers. He could feel the information broker's heartbeat, just underneath his palm.  
"I always watch this website, every night, until I fall asleep. I like to watch the people go about their business, it calms me." Izaya spoke quietly, without turning to look at the other, who smirked at his words.  
"So instead of listening to ocean sounds or whatever to fall asleep, you stalk people."  
"Well, sometimes I like to reread the Catcher and the Rye."  
Shizuo stared at the screen for a long moment, eyeing in particular a young couple who were holding hands and embracing and absolutely in love, the woman obviously very pregnant, the man pushing along an occupied baby stroller.  
He wanted that to be him

Him and Izaya.

Well, minus the pregnancy bit. Maybe they could adopt, or hire a surrogate.

He wondered if the young couple were already married, or if the man had a little black box in his back pocket.  
"...Hey, Izaya...?" He inquired, slowly.  
"Yes, Shizu-chan~?" The other's tone was care-free and lighthearted. Shizuo hesitated.

You... You love me, right?"

Izaya turned to look at him this time, eyes wide and a little confused, wary.  
"Shizu-chan?"  
"Because I've said it to you, that I love you, a hundred times over now, and never once have you said it back. You're... You're not just playing me like before, right?"  
Izaya's response came in a casual, nonchalant tone of voice.

"Oh. Well, that's simply because I don't love you."

It took a long moment for the blonde to register what had just been said.  
His hopeful heart had taken a chance, tried to fly, only to crash and burn and shrivel up and die in the pit of his stomach.  
Shizuo sat up and pushed the other's hands off of him, trying to get away, and trying to reign in his emotions, but the crack in his voice spoiled that rouse.  
"Fine. Fine then. Then, just, f-fuck all of this...!" he struggled as he tried to get up from the couch, only to have Izaya grab his shoulder blades.  
"Ah, Shizu-chan, Shizuo, where are you going-?"  
The former bartender glared at him coldly, yet his piercing gaze seemed to sear right through Izaya's being.

"I'm LEAVING." He hissed. "Me and my heart are not your PLAYTHINGS."

The ravenette's face fell, his eyes clouding with hurt, tears threatening to overflow from them.  
"SH-SHIZUO...!"  
The blonde whipped around and shoved him forcefully away; Izaya flew back into the couch.  
"WHAT?" He bellowed.  
Izaya flinched, then let out a whimper. Shizuo's eyes softened slightly, but not enough for him to retract his position.  
"W-WAIT! PLEASE!" He begged.  
"WHAT?" The former bartender repeated in an only slightly less threatening tone of voice. The information broker swallowed harshly.  
"You didn't let me finish...!"  
Shizuo did not move; his eyes still remained squinted, mouth a tight, snarling frown that bore teeth, nose wrinkled, shoulders lifted, back still partially turned away.  
That was still too much hostility for Izaya to handle now that he'd exposed his heart.  
He threw himself back down on the couch and pulled the blanket over his head.  
"Y'know what, j-just, fuck it! Fuck you, Shizuo!" Screeched the information broker-shaped lump it's voice muffled by its shield of fabric and cushion. The blonde switched from rage to concern in a heartbeat.  
"Izaya-"  
"No! Fuck you! Get out of here! This is my office! I pay for it; GET OUT!" Shizuo placed a hand on what he guessed to be the ravenette's shoulder, only to have a foot kick him sharply in the gut, He quickly climbed onto the couch himself and pinned down all of the blanket's flailing limbs, then pulled the fabric away from Izaya's face and met his teary crimson eyes.  
"What...?" Shizuo repeated for a third time, voice growing weak. He felt Izaya's body relax some, but he still said nothing; instead, began to wipe furiously at his eyes. Desperate, Shizuo pulled up into his lap and pulled his hands away from his face. "What...? Izaya, god, PLEASE tell me..." He begged, shaking the other by his shoulders. Izaya's eyes wavered for a moment.  
"Sh-Shizuo..." The ravenette moved to cup the blonde's face in his hands.  
"Yes?"  
The information broker remained silent for the longest time, trying to regain stability in his voice.  
"Shizuo... When I said I didn't love you... You misunderstood...! I do, I do feel SOMETHING for you... But it's not LOVE! Shizuo, I don't love you because I love HUMANS! Do you know how many human beings there are in the world...?"  
Shizuo shook his head, tears beginning to well in his eyes and mouth beginning to gape in what was almost a smile and he caught on to what the other was trying to say.  
Izaya used his hands to turn the blonde's face to the laptop screen, where thousands of tiny pixilated people filled the New York Plaza.

"Do you see how many humans are there on that screen, Shizuo...?"  
When he nodded, Izaya turned the blonde's face back to his own.  
"According to Censuses taken in 2010, there were about six billion eight hundred and forty million five hundred seven thousand and three human beings living on Planet Earth, counting you and me." The ravenette paused to gather breath, squeezing Shizuo's face tighter.  
"Shizu-chan, in all my twenty three years, I have never felt like this about ANYONE ELSE before!"  
A few tears made their way down from his ruby red eyes, but it was unclear if he was even aware of this. "So h-how can I LOVE you, when I feel that way about more than six billion eight hundred and forty million five hundred and seven thousand other people?"

The blonde's lips crashed upon his own passionately and became his sanctuary, forgiveness and a promise of companionship.  
"Shizuo... Love has become such a cliché in this world, and what I feel for you is so much more than that...! Shizu-chan... You, you just leave me absolutely speechless..."

Shizuo pulled him back into his arms and laid down on the couch. Izaya pressed the other's hands to his chest again, staring up contentedly at the ceiling. After the emotions from the previous outburst ebbed away, it was replaced with a pooling feeling of sleepiness.  
"It's nearly four o'clock and we're still awake, you know." Shizuo pointed out. Izaya simply rolled his eyes.  
"Ne, I'm not tired... I just..." His words were contradicted with the interruption of a yawn, and he trailed off.  
"Oh, 'honey'...~" Shizuo used the term in an almost teasing way. "You can barely keep your eyes open..."  
"No, I can, I'm not tired, I want to stay awake with you..."  
Shizuo smirked, then placed one hand over Izaya's eyes.  
"I'm still going to be here when you wake up, flea."  
Izaya stifled another yawn and closed his eyes, seeing as Shizuo's hand was blocking his vision there wasn't any reason to keep them open.  
"Ne, are you sure...? You're not just gonna ditch me in the middle of the night and I'll... should handcuff us together... Wake up and not have you here with me... So you can't leave..." And at this point his sentences were starting to muddle together.  
"Go to sleep... Come on, now..."  
"Only if you tell me you love me again."  
Now it was the blonde's turn to roll his eyes. He began to draw idle patterns with his fingertips up and down the ravenette's abdomen, trying to lull him, to soothe him into dormancy.  
"... I love you..."  
"Ah, what's my name, Shizu-chan..."  
"Pssh... I love you so much, Izaya..." The blonde whispered into the other's ear.  
Izaya smiled softly, letting out a small hum in satisfaction.  
"Shiz'-chan... I ... six billion eight hundred... forty million five hundred... seven thousand ... billion... and out of them all... what is a good synonym for love... adore you... seven thousand... and forty million five hundred... find you irresistible... worship... adore... None of them are good enough... I just..."  
The information paused for a long time and exhaled from his nose. It took Shizuo a few moments to realize that the poor information broker had fallen asleep right in the middle of his sentence. He brushed some of the hair from Izaya's face and pressed his lips gently to his forehead.  
"Ahh. That's alright, flea... I think the effort is good enough. You don't need a specific word... Just having my affection acknowledged is good enough for me...~"

[[Mmmmmm...~ What did you think of that, huh? :3 I just... I love that.  
Well, that's really the end of the main story here! -HURK- This is so exciting! I'm almost done with my first story!  
Well, there's a short epilouge, and then there's an addition ending 'reflection' chapter after that.  
Thank you for your reviews and support! There will be a more formal thank you at the end of last chapter.  
I really hope you enjoyed! ! !  
-SheikNinja~ ]]


	21. First Epilogue

Namie's keys jingled as she pressing the fitting one into the deadbolt, pushing the door open and slipping into the office suite.  
As always, she first glanced at the tea maker.  
It was not on, which meant that her boss had not bothered to grace her with his presence quite yet.  
She sighed, then laid the latest set of file folders on his desk.  
"It smells strange in here." She murmured to herself, then pulled a bottle of air freshener from her purse and set to spraying it around the room. In the process of which she kicked some article of clothing with her stiletto. Bending down, she picked up a . . .  
...Pair of small, black men's boxer's.  
"Oh, gross!" She shrieked, and promptly chucked them as far away from her persona as she good. Now frazzles, she pulled out her book and made to sit down on the couch, still spritzing the air with the air freshener as tranced about. It was at this point that she was alerted to the presence of other people in the room by a sneeze from behind her.  
She turned around, to find that the couch as already 'occupied'.

"Gahh! Since when did it become socially appropriate to treat the office like a damn brothel for queers?" She cursed, mostly because she was frustrated that she did not have a place to sit down and read. After all, she had fetched the blonde for the information broker's 'play'.  
She rolled her eyes and pulled the blankets a little higher up over their sleeping figures, then secretly smiled to herself.  
Oh, she had done well.  
He owed her a shitload.  
So she just picked his wallet up of the coffee table and slipped it into her purse.  
She put her hands on her hips and mentally patted herself on the back for her job well done.  
She was just about ready to head out when a vibrating phone on the coffee table caught her attention.  
Twelve new text messages, and all were from a sender listed as 'Celty.'

[Shizuo?]  
[Hello?]  
[Shizuo?]  
[Are you there?]  
[I'm checking your house!]  
[You weren't there!]  
[Where are you?]  
[Are you okay?]  
[Are you hurt?]  
[Did you get shot again?]  
[I'm going to call Missing Persons or something!]

Namie sighed, then took a picture of the sleeping couple with the cell phone and attached it to the replying text message.

[Hey. Why don't you calm down and stop worrying, okay? Chill out. He's fine. And it doesn't look like your little friend will be getting up for awhile. And you're not the only one who's getting the short end of the stick through all of this okay? That other one is my boss. Why don't we just let them rest, honey. I'm sure they've had a long night.]


	22. Final Epilouge

The information broker tugged his companion along by his hand, quickly hopping up the building's outside stairwell and scaffolding with the other not far behind.  
"Ah, Izaya-! Not so fast, dammit!" Shizuo blurted. The ravenette just giggled.  
"Ne, STILL, can't keep up with me, Shizu-chan~?" He teased.  
"You're gonna make me FALL!" The blonde complained as he struggled to work his legs fast enough to keep up with Izaya, nearly tripping as his foot caught on one of the steps. Izaya rolled his eyes, then slowed down from a sprint to a brisk walk.  
"Eh, we're almost there anyway, Shizu-chan."  
"Is it even LEGAL to be climbing up here? Isn't this trespassing or something?"  
Izaya responded in a rather nonchalant tone.  
"Pssh! Of course it's illegal, Shizu-chan. That's what makes it fun."  
The blonde let out a long sigh.  
"You're gonna get me killed."  
Izaya bounded up a few more steps, then leapt over the safety railing on the side and disappeared.  
Shizuo gasped, then darted up to the railing and leaned over the side.  
"Izaya!" He yelled abruptly, thinking the information broker had jumped off and fallen a good twenty stories or so. He had good reason to be spooked. This was the Sunshine Building. Izaya was always going on about it being a suicide hotspot, that if one would jump off it then they'd be guaranteed a nice splat on the pavement.  
A little ways below, Izaya stood perfectly balanced on a precarious, ten inch wide windowsill about four feet to the left of the stairwell where Shizuo was.  
Izaya looked up and waved at him.  
"C'mon, Shizu-chan! Hurry up, or we'll miss it!" he hollered from below. The blonde was not having any of it, however.  
"Jeezus!" He exclaimed. "What the hell! MISS WHAT? Are you crazy? What if you fall? Get back up here!"  
Izaya spread his arms wide and strode up and down the thin windowsill with ease, like he was on a tightrope.  
"See, I won't fall; I do this all the time! Come ON!"  
"No way! I ain't comin' down there, there ain't no way in HELL! Gah!"  
Izaya jumped up and down on the windowsill several times.  
"It's FINE, Shizuo! Now hurry up!"  
The blonde's eyes widened in horror.  
"Don't DO that, don't do that! My god!"  
Izaya stopped jumping and put his hands on his hips.  
"Goddammit Izaya, are you tryin' you give me a fucking HEART attack or something? Get down from there before you... You SPLAT!"  
Izaya sighed exasperatedly.  
"Shizuo, I'm FINE. YOU'VE chased me up higher than this before. Come on, if you don't hurry up you'll miss out on the view!"  
Shizuo bit his bottom lip.  
"I don't know..."  
"It's real easy, Shizu-chan. Just swing your legs over, and jump! It's not as far as it looks." Izaya explained. Shizuo griped the rail tighter.  
"I'll fall..."  
"You won't fall. It's the drop that makes it seem scary. It's just about three feet across, and six feet down. It's not that far..." He reassured. Shizuo shook his head rapidly.  
"No, I'll fall... Six feet down, and two hundred feet down if I screw up! And then I'll be six feet under!"  
"You're not going to fall, Shizuo!" Izaya repeated for what he felt was the fiftieth time. Shizuo swallowed. "You won't fall. You don't even have to jump. You can just lower yourself down. If you start to slip, then I'll help you, okay? I promise you won't fall." The information broker encouraged. Shizuo stood there for a few moments longer, then slowly turned around and placed one leg over the railing. Izaya nodded.  
"Good... Now the other leg..."  
The blonde brought his other leg over, but kept his feet on the edge of the stairwell though the bars and held tight to the railing.  
"Now lower yourself down..."  
Shizuo lowered down to a crouch, clinging to the bars, then outstretched one leg and felt around for the ledge of the windowsill.  
"Oh god, god, I can't do this..." He couldn't reach the ledge, long as his legs were, he still came up short. Shizuo tried to swing himself back up to the other safe side of the railing, but he couldn't do that, either. His palms were sweating and he couldn't get enough grip on the metal bars. In his panic he lost his footing and he was left with both legs dangling down and his upper body clinging desperately to the railing. He glanced down and became instantly nauseous, his heartbeat racing and pounding frantically in his chest.

Izaya rolled his eyes then leaned over the gap and wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist.  
"Let go, Shizuo..."  
"No way, no way, no way...!"  
Izaya's patience was wearing thin.  
"Let go!"  
"No!"  
Izaya brought one hand back, stuck out his thumb and jabbed it hard into the blonde's butt. When Shizuo's hands flew back to clutch his rear end, Izaya tugged him back so his feet were safely planted on the ledge. It took Shizuo a few moments to realize he'd made it, and he slowly relaxed.  
"...You... You stuck me in the butt!" He accused. Izaya shrugged.  
"You're down here, aren't you?"  
Shizuo rubbed his backside and glared at Izaya.  
"I'm the seme, you're the uke! There will be no sticking of anything anywhere near by butt!"  
"God, for being as strong and brutish as you are, you can really be a pussy sometimes."  
"I should stick YOU in the butt!"  
"Hm, not now. But when we get home..."  
"Shut the hell up."  
Izaya chuckled lightly, then gestured for the other to follow him.  
"Alright, it's just a bit further across here." He stated as he strode down the windowsill. Shizuo slowly put one foot in front of the other, leaning against the wall for support. They were walking alongside a long line of windows, the sill itself going all the way across the building, save for in the middle. At the center the sill turned and went in towards the building, as the building itself was build a bit like a capital 'H'. There was a small alcove in the center at the top floor that housed a large, arched window, with a 'balcony' (that wasn't accessible from the inside) that was probably built so that window washers had a place to stand while cleaning the giant glass pane.  
Izaya quickly ducked into this alcove, and once Shizuo had reached it he felt considerably safer, as the rail-less balcony was about ten feet wide and jutted a good six feet out from the bottom of the window. He had room to move around.  
The information broker seated himself on the edge of the balcony, with his legs dangling off of the edge. He patted the spot beside him, gesturing for the blonde to sit down, which he did.  
Shizuo glanced at the window behind him. It was completely dark, as the lights in the room behind it were turned off. Blurry shadows of what might have been furniture or plants were all he could make out. But it was still a fantastic window. Decorative and beautiful. A work of art.

"Ah, Shizu-chan. The view is here, not there." Izaya pointed in front of him, and the former bartender followed his finger then gasped.

The window overlooked the entire city. He could see everything.

The park, the school, the hospital, the strip malls and apartment buildings. Skyscrapers that towered before him on the ground he now sat above, gazing over the breathtaking sight. He could see all of the people, all the cars darting through the city's asphalt veins, the highlights making them glow like the stars. Before his eyes everything seemed to light up. As the sun went down, the city turned on, streetlights and neon signs and windows in buildings...

Izaya leaned back and sighed.

"So... what do you think?" Shizuo blinked several times, unable to look away.  
"It's... It's beautiful..." He sounded enchanted. Izaya glanced back at him and smirked.  
"here you get to watch the entire city come to life... This is my favorite place in all of Tokyo, and I wanted to share it with you, Shizuo..." He confessed, but then quickly added, "Ah. Too bad it's not accessible by wheelchair."  
Shizuo pinched his lips together, not seeing the comment as humorous.  
"Izaya... I really hope that now you feel you can be honest with me... That you don't feel the need to do those kinds of things to hid how you really feel."  
Izaya paused for a long time, thinking things over and staring into his lap.  
"Ne... It's hard for me to make that transition, Shizuo. That's how I learned to survive; by shielding myself and manipulating others... But now... Ah... I'm so used to hiding, but I'm trying my hardest now to be true to you... My life finally has something stable and good in it... You make me feel safe... No longer do I have to dwell and soak and suffer in solitude... For a while I tried to convince myself that I was better off alone... But yet now I feel more complete than I have ever before."  
A small smile spread across Shizuo's face. Izaya turned his gaze back towards the horizon, holding his head high.

"Aiye, Shizu-chan! My struggling pacifist, the war is over, you no longer have to despair in your violence anymore! For ten years we have been at war with each other, and now it is all finally over, as we have discovered that the things we'd strived for all our lives could be found within each other's arms. I am so happy! We have our whole lives ahead of us now, together we can seize the world."

Izaya's words meant more to Shizuo that the information broker could have ever imagined. They became his sanctuary, his temple, his savior, his angel.  
Shizuo looked down to the surface of the balcony, and his eyes caught on something obviously not a part of the original structure. Someone had taken a knife and carved into the balcony a single, ominous word.

IF.

Shizuo's fingers trailed over the marks.  
"Did you do this...?"

Izaya turned and looked down at where Shizuo was gesturing. The information broker smirked, then placed his hand gently over Shizuo's intertwining their fingers, pressing the blonde's palm against the graffitied word.  
"Ah, Shizu-chan..." he spoke softly, and leaned his head against the former bartender's shoulder. He kicked off his shoes, and let the sneakers fall down, down, down, into the streets below. They disappeared, fading into the distance.

"If I were to jump, right now, what would happen to me? Would I just disappear? Would I have a funeral? Would people miss me? Where would I go? What would I be thinking in that final moment? What will become of the world in my absence? Change? For the better, or for the worse? What am I escaping from? Would it hurt? Or would it feel like diving into cool water? What will death be like? What will await me?"

Shizuo remained silent for a long while, then placed his other hand over Izaya's, still held over his. The ravenette looked up at him curiously, his lips parting slightly.  
"Shizu...?"

"Death... You won't get to find out. Nothing will change. Because I'll catch you. I've already lost you once, I'm not going to lose you again. Okay? So stop thinking about it."

Izaya smiled some, then placed his remaining hand atop Shizuo's second one. He leaned against the blonde and stared out into the city, curling his toes slightly in his socks. Shizuo lit up a cigarette and followed his gaze.  
"Ahh... That's just fine, Shizu-chan. All of this we ace is only figurative. And to be honest I don't think I'll ever be truly ready to give any of this up. I'll wait for you, Shizu-chan. When you die, perhaps in your seventies, perhaps from lung cancer, then I will jump. I'll jump, I'll hit the pavement and you will catch me. I'll never truly leave your arms."

Shizuo seemed to ponder this for a long moment, then replied with a simple, blunt, "Guess I'll quit smoking.  
Izaya chuckled and pecked the blonde's lips.

"You're such a protozoan, Shizu-chan.~"

END

[[Wow.

Just. Wow.  
What can I say now?  
This was my first story, ever, posted on the internet.  
And... You guys ate it up.  
Thank you.

Your reviews really, really meant a lot to me. Reading over them really got me motivated. And every time I got an email or notification that someone had listed me as a favorite author of chose to follow my story, I got really fluttery inside. Like... Wahhh!  
My writing means the world to me. It's my personal passion. And the fact that you people seem to appreciate it so much, really makes me happy.  
Anyways.  
I plan to share much, much more of my writing with you! Summer is coming up, and I should have a lot of time to write for you.  
I have plenty of ideas~!  
One, is that Neko/Inu fanfiction I mentioned earlier. I might do some PWP Shizaya on a city bus. (ooh~!) I'm also joint writing a Kitsune!IzayaXShizuo with another author. I might dabble in some Mikado X Masaomi or Izaya X Namie. I also have plans to write some Shizuo X Vorona, because there isn't NEARLY enough love for that pairing on this website. :)  
May I personally thank kyouko68, blackkitty27 and KahoriSaeko for following this story and leaving me tons of reviews all the way through.  
TinkanaiT32, thank you for taking the time to describe to me in detail how you reacted to my writing! It was a great thing for an author to be able to read, it really made me proud of myself. And Whyntir, ah, I'll thank you especially much, because you were the only one to leave my constructive criticism. I live off of that stuff, and I can really improve from it. Thank you. :)

Rest assured I will be contributing more of my work to this website! :D

Anyways, I really hope you all enjoyed this story, as well as enjoy my future writings!  
-SheikNinja~ ]]


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